I think my girlfriend might have BPD

[sweet tooth]

My friend/girlfriend (it's constantly flip flopping) shows symptoms of BPD.

-I've witnessed her drive recklessly by speeding in a parking garage.

-She will have small outbursts over silly things ie I took lint out of her hair and she accused me of "always criticizing her."

-She is irritable at times.

-I've seen her become jittery due to excitement.

-She frequently flip flops about our relationship. Sometimes she wants to be friends, other times she wants us to be more than friends.

-She'll go through periods where she ignores me for weeks.

-She frequently contradicts herself. Ex: one week she'll say "I'm tired of my body" and the next will say "I like my body."

-She will occasionally do things out of character like dress provocatively.

-She's told me she hates losing friends

-She's told me she has a hard time maintaining friendships.


Every time we get closer she will distance herself from me for days or weeks. She brought up the possibility of us having sex the last time I talked to her. Since then I haven't really heard from her (3 weeks ago). I've sent a few texts, called maybe 6 times, and left one voice message. She called me back after the voice message but I was unable to answer because I was eating dinner with my parents. I called her a few times after that. No response. I decided not to contact her anymore for the time being. I've already told her I'm here for her if she needs me and apologized if I did anything to upset her/make her feel unsafe. There's nothing more that I can say or do, so I'm not going to kiss her a**. She knows how to get in touch with me.

She's done this to me a few times before, but never for this long. She always acts like nothing ever happened. It hurts. I'm trying not to take it personally, but I'm obsessing over it. It's driving me nuts.  If/when she ever contacts me again I'm going to set boundaries. I'm going to tell her it's okay if she needs space, but she has to tell me.

Is this situation irreparable? Or is it basically an inevitability that she'll contact me?

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[Seeks]

 I have been dealing with my GF's indecisiveness and mixed signals for a long time.  Things are constantly changing in her head/feelings.  It's a whirlwind that can suck you in and leave you sometimes feeling hurt and confused.

I have been where you are, in fact I still am. Chasing her has never worked for me.  Instead if she needs space I give it to her.

Give her time to contact you. Hounding her or apologizing for perceived slights can have the opposite effect of what you desire.

Go back to being just a casual friend.  Occasionally send her a small friendly text about what you are doing or something you saw and leave it at that.  Let her warm back up to you. 

Boundaries are not ultimatums you can place on her.  Instead they are reactions  or actions on your part in response to something she says or does.

For instance,  I have a boundary where I will not engage in arguing or serious relationship talks via text.  When my GF got angry I would receive a dozen or more rapidfire texts.  And I found that if I responded in any way it just escalated matters. The boundary I placed was to respond once to her texts acknowledging her feelings and stating it was an important matter that we should talk about in person.  And then I would follow through with that.

It was difficult for her at first but eventually this behavior happened less often.

[Skip]

Good advice.

[sweet tooth]

@sleeks: I chased for 2 and a half weeks to no avail. I'm done chasing. Deep down I know that I probably haven't heard the last from her. I think we just got way too close for her for the time being.

What's the best way to respond if/when she contacts me? Also, how long can it take? I don't want to be accusatory. However, I want her to know that she needs to tell me that she needs space rather than just ignore me. This has happened 4 or 5 times and each time it hurts. I don't want to completely give up on her, but right now the dynamic is very unhealthy. The lack of communication caused me stress, anxiety, and depression. I have a feeling as soon as I forget about her she'll come crawling back is if something never happened.