Emotional trauma leaves physical scars

[Our abuse recovery guide]

It's hard for me to put my upbringing into context.  My mother will never acknowledge that there was anything unusual in our family, or that she was ever responsible for anything.  I have recently been consulting a massage therapist for muscular problems I have been experiencing for years.  The therapist told me that my body carries some relatively severe strain, which she says could have been provoked by emotional trauma.     Apparently working on this actually releases emotions similar to those that caused the trauma.  Well, a day after my last appointment, I received a text message which triggered me big time.  I called my parents and just let loose on them about having been neglected, and mistreated.  I didn't even mean to... .it just kind of all flooded out, and the more my mother tried to talk it away, deny and hide, the stronger it came out.  She hung up on me, but not before I got to say the important things.  Anyway, I simply got overtaken by the flood of emotions and let it all out.  I'm not sure if it was helpful or not.  It happened.  I didn't mean for it to happen... .but it did.  Anyone else have similar experiences?

[caughtnreleased]

It's hard for me to put my upbringing into context.  My mother will never acknowledge that there was anything unusual in our family, or that she was ever responsible for anything.  I have recently been consulting a massage therapist for muscular problems I have been experiencing for years.  The therapist told me that my body carries some relatively severe strain, which she says could have been provoked by emotional trauma.     Apparently working on this actually releases emotions similar to those that caused the trauma.  Well, a day after my last appointment, I received a text message which triggered me big time.  I called my parents and just let loose on them about having been neglected, and mistreated.  I didn't even mean to... .it just kind of all flooded out, and the more my mother tried to talk it away, deny and hide, the stronger it came out.  She hung up on me, but not before I got to say the important things.  Anyway, I simply got overtaken by the flood of emotions and let it all out.  I'm not sure if it was helpful or not.  It happened.  I didn't mean for it to happen... .but it did.  Anyone else have similar experiences?

[Turkish]

This sounds almost like c-PTSD like symptoms. The physical manifestations may be one thing, but that you were triggered to let loose a flood of bottled up emotions is another. Maybe it was helpful in the moment, but what about resolving it long-term?

Getting acknowledgement of past abuse or neglect likely isn't gong to happen (if anyone has received that, please share!). Your feelings about past trauma are valid. I received validation from the professionals my Ex sent me to in order to get "fixed." 25 years after my mom lured me into family therapy, yet abandoned me after one joint session, I got retroactive validation from that T when my mom finally told me, "the T said you were one of the most well adjusted young men he had ever met." Thanks, mom, I wished I had heard that at 13. 

Have you thought about seeking an objective voice to help you through this?

[Sunfl0wer]

Interesting that I come across this thread... .

As I am just now, 2 mins ago, reading the book:

The Body Keeps Score

I just finished reading a section on the importance of body work, such as massage, yoga, and such.  This body work is apparently quite powerful.  Apparently reprocessing the trauma and responding in a way that you didn't in the past... .  Behaving in a way that protects yourself vs freezing... .is a very healthy thing to help integrate these traumatic memories.

I have not acted out my flood of emotions... .instead I internalize and process.  However, as the book suggests as one method of body work... .I do plan on taking a self defense class to teach me how to unleash and fight vs freezing in fear.  I hope to learn how to unleash more in attempt to reprocess.

[caughtnreleased]

Hi yes I have been working through a lot of this trauma.  I think it's always hard for me to accept that trauma is indeed what I experienced, but for 7 or more years, anytime I see a massage therapist or an osteopath, or any kind of similar therapist, they have all made a comment to me that there is fear and trauma in a part of my body.  When I was flooded with my emotions after this last consultation, I was not in any way seeking validation from my parents.  I know they can't give it to me.  I know that they are limited.  In fact I felt a bit stupid after the fact because I know that I will not get what I need from them.  The conversation simply started in that I was trying to express to them that they had said something untrue about my motivations to another family member who was angry at me as a result. So I was simply telling them to be more sensitive about what they say to this family member and not to miscontrue my actions.  Well, my mother went on the attack.  And it was trigger, after trigger after trigger, and I pushed back hard and I called her out on all I had been subjected to. I essentially stood up for myself.  I was really agitated afterwards, and angry... .it was anger that came out of me.  And pain.  I was not surprised that she hung up on me either.  She does this.  Hang ups, silent treatments whenever I say anything that might be remotely construed as criticism. So anyway... .the relationships in my family are all high drama, and I was simply attempting damage control, and letting them know they couldn't say things behind my back and screw up things with other family members (I addressed the issue with the family member in question - however because things are so unhealthy in this family, I don't know if the family member made it up or exaggerated, or if my parents actually did miscontrue my intentions... .so I decided to speak to both of them and to let them know where I stood). But of course... .I can't even do that without coming under attack... .I needed to speak to them because of this reason, and I think because of the state I was in, it just turned into an emotional flood.  So not too sure where it all leaves me.

[AmMovingForward]

Very interesting, I've had massage therapists say I've had knots like they've never seen. I'm going to get that book, 'The Body Keeps Score'.

My family experience is very similar to yours,  my mother hanging up on me, but she would never hang up on my brothers, just me, but my stepfather has been cleaning up her mistakes for many years now and usually immediately calls or texts to tell me she'd had a bad day or wasn't feeling well or whatever excuse to try to not get us to be mad at each other. I usually go along with him, that's the easiest route now.

Those triggers sure can build up, it's no wonder my muscles aren't stone by now.