So I had been NC x 4 weeks, then my ex asked to borrow some money. As always, I gave her what she needed. The reason she needed it the was because she had gambled and lost. She said she was going to return the money in 1 month so that was fine. Note, NC has just been broken because of this. Now we have been texted back and forth... .she would send me texts that say that it's impossible to get over me... .she loves me etc.
It's important to note that I truly loved and still love that woman. I mean deeply, I'd do anything for her, except losing my self respect. So, we went NC again x 3-4 days and today she texted me that she could not return the $ because she went to gamble again and even borrowed from others. She said that she is in so much pain that she needs to get her mind numb so she can avoid thinking about me. So her solution is gambling. It could have been alcohol and sex w strangers like other BPDs might do, but she chose gambling. She said she wants to be far from everyone, is not ready to date etc.
Oh man. Please - and I know this is difficult - don't indulge her. Indulging her *is* giving up your self-respect because you're indulging someone who doesn't/can't respect you. My first BPD ex? That son of a gambled away $600 RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME immediately after we had had an argument and I said I needed to take a walk ALONE. My second BPD ex? :)uring our recycle, he blew his ENTIRE paycheck at the mall. I wanted to get a pair of shoes, he wanted to get a whole new wardrobe -- on $350/week. With Ex 1, I ate it and paid all the expenses that month. With Ex 2, I knew better, so I still made him pay for dinner after his little shopping spree. But I wouldn't count on her doing *only* gambling to regulate. Ex 1 does sex, gambling, alcohol. Ex 2 does spending sprees, unprotected sex, drugs, and alcohol. And no, she doesn't want to be far from everyone, and no, she doesn't mean it when she says she is not ready to date. She may mean it in that moment, but you can't count on it being a steady resolution.
She's probably saying what you "want" to hear so that she can keep you on her "good" side as best as she can. I'm sorry, but ... .if BPD is characterized by engaging in at least *two* reckless behaviors, there's another reckless behavior there that she isn't telling you about. It's just that the gambling thing necessitated contact. Were she drinking herself into oblivion, she wouldn't have needed to contact you. Hell, she might even be drinking herself into oblivion and needing money to support the habit, but gambling sounds better than "I'm ___-hammered all the time and would like to stay that way."
I'm not saying these things out of "tough love" ... .I'm saying these things out of experience and objectivity. You can't believe what she's saying to you, because it's impossible to know what's *really* going on. You can't know if she's telling the whole truth, but you absolutely do know that she won't tell you anything she's doing that might jeopardize keeping you hooked. I know you love her. I know you care. But, friend, we're all in that boat here.
Please keep up your diligent reading and try to understand that when it comes to the war between you and her disorder, her disorder will win EVERY time. :)etach with love.
