Is anger the only feeling they have?

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

70% of the time my unBPDw is angry at someone or about something. From the first words in the morning until the last words at night it's one negative stream of complaints or judgements. At least 40% of this is directed at me no matter how well intended I am or how hard I try to let the crap roll off, it just keeps on coming.

She tells me that I do not know the meaning of empathy and I am beginning to believe her because it is hard to feel much of ANYTHING when you have to keep shielding yourself from the hurtful and hateful speech. Am I really loosing the ability to be empathetic? It's hard to feel empathy towards someone blaming you for everything that has gone wrong in their life.

Are they ever sad? Are they ever sorry? Is anger the only feeling they feel?

[verytired]

70% of the time my unBPDw is angry at someone or about something. From the first words in the morning until the last words at night it's one negative stream of complaints or judgements. At least 40% of this is directed at me no matter how well intended I am or how hard I try to let the crap roll off, it just keeps on coming.

She tells me that I do not know the meaning of empathy and I am beginning to believe her because it is hard to feel much of ANYTHING when you have to keep shielding yourself from the hurtful and hateful speech. Am I really loosing the ability to be empathetic? It's hard to feel empathy towards someone blaming you for everything that has gone wrong in their life.

Are they ever sad? Are they ever sorry? Is anger the only feeling they feel?

[SummerStorm]

My former friend BPD suffers from depression and sometimes just breaks down and cries, but that's all a result of her inner turmoil, rather than really being sad about anything in particular.

She told me once that she feels empty all the time, so I would imagine it would be hard for her to really feel any emotion, and if she does, she probably can't connect it to anything. 

All summer, she felt that I was a bad person, so I was.  She couldn't remember why I was so "bad," but she just knew I was.  The only explanation she could give her ex-boyfriend was that I was crazy. Then, one day, after she broke up with him, I wasn't bad or crazy.  A month later, I was.  Feelings = facts. 

I guess if I saw any real emotion from her at all, it was anger.  Sometimes, it was more annoyance than anything, but in response to really inane things.

She would grade papers in my room and sit and complain about every student's answers. 

I went on a day trip to Antietam with my dad and sent her a pic of the famous bridge there.  Her reply?  "You go away all day, and you send me a picture of a f____g bridge?"  It's an incredibly famous bridge, probably the most famous landmark at the battlefield, and it was spring, so flowers were blooming.  It was beautiful! 

Once, she stayed over at my house and had me pack her a lunch the next morning.  During lunch, she texted me and asked, "Why doesn't my applesauce have f____g cinnamon on it?" She didn't even like applesauce until she saw me eat it one day! 

She was driving one day and came to a stop sign that she didn't think should be where it was and started complaining about it.  It was just a bunch of swearing and complaining about the stop sign.  Even inanimate objects trigger a pwBPD.   

Everything was sarcastic, biting, and just plain ridiculous.         

[Beacher]

Oh very tired, I'm so sorry. Life is supposed to be a beautiful thing and we try to make that happen but it's so hard living day in /out with negativity and blame. Because you are the first thing she sees in the morning and the last at night you are the target. As I have been told many times here it's not us, it's their condition. But yes empathy is hard to come by when she tries to make you feel you are the  reason for her misery.

I've learned to simply not engage, or try to defend myself or even reason. They just don't hear it. Are you in any therapy for yourself? I found a great relief talking to someone with an objective view and suggestions to cope. I am lucky to have friends and family that I finally let know what was going on for the last 10 years. Was too embarrassed to admit I was living this way. Please look into this for yourself and read the material,offered on this site. There are also some great books out there that help understand her relentless anger. I firmly believe all this verbal abuse is fear based on their part but I have no control over that. I just need to focus on myself and stay healthy. I hope you do too. You are so worth it!

[flourdust]

I think somehow the anger makes them feel better. Feeling sad or depressed or hopeless is awful. Anger comes with a nice rush of energy, and they can direct it at something/one external that is "victimizing" them, so that adds a dash of self-righteousness to the anger.

I see this all day with my wife, whether it's a full-blown rage, nasty sniping, mumbled complaining about every little minor annoyance, or biting back snappy comments (so she can later tell me how restrained she was NOT to bite my head off because, say, I didn't put enough ice in her soda).

Like you, OP, I've become pretty numb to it all. Occasionally, I feel incredulous frustration at whatever she's decided to let set her off. But empathy is hard to come by after months and months of this.