Last number one had narcissistic personality disorder life number I'm out of gas

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

 This is my third marriage to a borderline. This one has been particularly hard Comment and I have undergone 6 brain surgeries and survived. I am an attorney and law professor. However, the moment I'll on disability. I am in a horrible state of being. My wife of 10 years has no emotion recollection of us being together. He is detach your :check:self from all the great memories we have. I stayed alive to take care of her. I can't believe is happening again! I don't know what to do I don't know how to keep it from happening again. I don't know how I will stop from being with people like this! I'm at my wits end. I need to heal from the brain surgeries and all the drama please help thank you

[arsanthony]

 This is my third marriage to a borderline. This one has been particularly hard Comment and I have undergone 6 brain surgeries and survived. I am an attorney and law professor. However, the moment I'll on disability. I am in a horrible state of being. My wife of 10 years has no emotion recollection of us being together. He is detach your :check:self from all the great memories we have. I stayed alive to take care of her. I can't believe is happening again! I don't know what to do I don't know how to keep it from happening again. I don't know how I will stop from being with people like this! I'm at my wits end. I need to heal from the brain surgeries and all the drama please help thank you

[cloudten]

It sure sounds like you are going through a hard time.

It sounds like you have something wrong with your relationship-picker. Something in you is picking people who hurt you. To break the apparent pattern, you really need to get yourself into talk therapy and work it out. It could be past wounds, it could be you actually like drama, it could be that you have unresolved issues from your childhood (parents). Getting into talk therapy would help you start to sort all of that out... .and it is something you can start doing right now even though you have had brain surgery. It will help you figure out why you are attracted to people like this. It will take time to figure out and change, but it sounds like you are determined.

I know how trying the drama can be... .and now that you are on disability, I am sure you are feeling quite lonely and hurt, and especially weary of the drama.

[eeks]

Hi arsanthony,

Your circumstances do sound difficult right now.  I'm glad you're here, seeking support.

I agree with cloudten that psychotherapy is a good place to start.  I don't like to impose thoughts/interpretations on people but I have a guess about something, I'll put it out there just in case... .as an attorney and law professor, you are likely gifted in logic and argument... .how is your connection with your emotional side?  Would you say you value emotions in decision-making, or are you like a friend I made recently who almost finished a Ph.D. in philosophy who tells me that for a long time, he thought emotions were "irrelevant" in decision-making?

I wouldn't agree that you or anyone "likes drama" or "has something wrong with their relationship picker" - I would say it's more that people are often drawn to, and repeat, what's familiar to them.  And it's not because they enjoy pain and struggle, but because they are trying to resolve some longstanding unresolved issue within themselves, that has to do with how they relate to others, how they "do" intimacy.

eeks