Leaving Sad but Necessary

[SandWitch]

I am moving out.  It has been a year with my BPDbf.  Have put myself in a poor position financially by moving in.  I am terrified going back out into the world.   He both fueled and calmed the anxiety issues I have.  Change is hard for me.  Letting go of the good things that are in the relationship is heartbreaking - his need to be poly amorous being my deal breaker.  He can be so fun, so intense, so philosophical.  We match in many ways. I thought we were soulmates (LOL I am 52)! I have some chances and need to focus on gratitude.  It is scary to need to find more work and stay at someone's house til I can save for an apartment but I know that I am fortunate. Staying here as friends would not help me accept that it is over.  How can I know it is not going to work yet not want it to.  Am I addicted? 

[C.Stein]

You could be addicted or just in love.  Good compatible companionship is hard to let go of even without the love factor.  It IS hard, but you need to take care of yourself and your emotional well being first.  I applaud you for your courage to walk away and into the unknown.  It is scary and you should be proud of yourself.  I am proud of you.

[tribalmart]

Change is not the easiest option... .you can't escape your today's challenge/problems ,they will pursue you anyways! Going out of a comfort zone is something "scary"... .But soon you will see realize that it was the best and only thing to do! Stay strong and keep going forward! I'm in something similar... .so I understand very well. I left my BPDgf because lies/manipulation/cheating were no more tolerable... .it's sad because sometimes she can be a great Partner, we had fun and there was a real good chemistry. But I had to face the truth and stop lying to myself, this toxic r/s won't get better with time... oh noo! without therapy or serious Healing plan, there's nothing us (sane person) can do to save them. It's a major mistake to play the rescuer! And if I must choose between her and me, Of course that will be me!

[Anise]

Leaving is really hard!  I am leaving next weekend, moving out to a new apartment.  On one hand it's very hard, but on the other you know that perhaps it is the most healthy thing to do for yourself and for the other person, because you don't have the skills you need to deal with this person and you are unable to gain these skills while living with this person.

I will also be in a worse off situation, because I got rid of a lot of my stuff when I moved in with him.  But it's a fresh start!  I have been daydreaming about the safe, quiet space I want to create for myself when I move out, and how I am going to make it a reality.  It helps me get through the day.  It helps to think about what my life is going to look like when I am healthy again and in a better emotional place.

My husband refuses to seek treatment, so it's doubtful his behavior will improve on its own.  I am really crushed by his leaving, but when I think about the marriage as a whole, it is very disappointing.  No children (he quit having sex with me, then got upset with me that I never initiate anymore), no home together (live in his condo and am unable to effect any change that would make it feel more like home to me), and while the relationship had its bright spots, is energy draining and unfulfilling.  I deserve to be on my own, able to find someone who truly wants to have children with me and build a life with me, not an appendage to his life.

[itgirl]

I moved out in September.  I pay the house but I just could not live in the same place while trying to detach.  I thought by moving out that I will call her bluff.  My T told me you know she will be back in your life.  Move out and go see your friends and family that you were isolated to.

I moved out and it was hard.  She was angry.  Eventually the dust settled and we started talking again.  Even went on dates.  Well she did want me back.  But by then the FOG lifted and I wasn't sure.  Because I didn't go back when she was ready I was replaced in three days.

They know each other for 3 weeks and they are now engaged.  And I am still paying the house!  I find it sad.  And I am very relieved that I am out of that relationship.

My advice is FOLLOW YOUR GUT!.  not your heart!

stay strong.

[SandWitch]

The hard part is that I do not make enough to survive and will be staying with someone for a while.  I know I am fortunate not to be on the street.  I have to reinvent my whole life while dealing with the loss.  I am terrified and overwhelmed. But there are people to help me.  Today I will pack that is all I need to focus on.

[cloudten]

Sometimes focusing on one thing, like packing, is all one can handle. It's okay if its all you can do today.

What can you do to increase your income? 2nd job? Save save save, and it won't be long. You are very fortunate to have a friend help you out. Be sure to try to put a deadline on your time with your friend so you don't stress out the relationship.

I was homeless for a while after I moved out of my pwBPD's house after our first major breakup. I literally lived in my car for 2 months while I finished saving and closing on a flat of my own. The sacrifice made me much much much stronger. The sacrifice also made me appreciate everything I have now. There isn't a day I walk in my door and don't thank God for being blessed with my flat and a bed and a hot shower.

I am sorry for the struggles you will endure. Keep trudging onward. Start applying to new jobs. Brush up your appearance. Somehow you must increase your income and reduce your expenses so you can survive on your own.  I know it seems overwhelming and daunting- but if I can do it- I know you can.

Funny thing happens to me- every single stinkin' time I have broken up with my pwBPD, I have had the most amazing and wonderful opportunities fall into my lap. Every time- without fail. Keep your chin up- be thankful for what you have- and be positive about your future.  I know that seems hard- but i promise it gets better!

[SandWitch]

Thank you all for sharing experiences and support.  I must work hard to keep the anxiety and panic down and positive thoughts help. Also knowing I am not the only one.