Having kids/weddings

[tribalmart]

Hi,

I was thinking about something... .

Is wedding or/and having kids somehting BPD are REALLY focused on? My ex BPDgf harassed me for me to reverse my vasectomy and was VERY wedding oriented. From the first date I've been honnest, I clearly told her my non desire to have another kid... .but at that moment she did'nt bother! I'm the father of a beautiful 6 yo girl (shared custody 50%)from a past r/s and I love her soo much... .my daughter is my treasure! )

The first year was great with my exBPBgf and then she began to ask me again for kids & wedding... .I kept my position... .then she lied/cheated/manipulate/extreme tear crisis/harassment... .soo many times for almost 1 more year. Finally I left her, my life was hell! For her I'm the guilty one... .because I refused to have baby from her it can explain her behaviour!

Honnestly, now I am so happy about the vasectomy I had! I really think it has saved my life! :S

Comments about that?

[C.Stein]

Is wedding or/and having kids somehting BPD are REALLY focused on?

My ex was obsessed with it.  In fact, it was the ONLY thing she seemed to care about in the later parts of our relationship. 

She is 36 and I am sure she feels like she is running out of time.  I could not make a promise to her with regard to a family, primarily because of the instability of our relationship and my doubts and fears of what a future would hold with her.  I should have talked to her about it instead of handling it the way I did.  Her second to last text to me was essentially an ultimatum ... .give me a family or stop contacting me.

Now I think she has latched onto the first guy who showed interest in her who might give her that family/child.  The sad thing is she is only thinking of herself and I think one of the reasons she wants these things so badly is because somewhere in her chaotic mind she thinks it will "fix" her. 

[Anise]

It may depend on if the pwBPD is male or female.

My husband couldn't wait for us to get engaged and married, and wanted to have a "real" wedding.  His avoidance-of-reality problems came up in planning the wedding, and I was basically forced to plan the whole thing, which I didn't really want to do because I wanted to elope or do something simple.

He will claim he wants kids, but hasn't had sex with me in over 6 months.  He struggles with ED with me and refuses to do anything about it (instead he revises history and claims that I didn't really want it). Being around happy couples and babies is really painful for me right now, because I really do want kids and a happy marriage and I am unable to create that for myself.  I'm terrified that I have messed up my best chance to have children, because I'm 32 (and have PCOS) and feel by the time I get healthy and find a person I can build a life with, it will be too late to have biological children.