received my drunk apology text--thoughts?

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

thats a very good point and it reminds me of good boundaries. these are very productive things youre exploring. where do we draw the line?

for example, lets say you are in some form of relationship with a person that has repeatedly busted (or tried to bust) your boundaries. itd be helpful to accept that they are a boundary buster; you dont just move your boundaries, you dont hope theyll change, try to change them, or expect they will get the hint when they consistently dont. action falls upon you in that scenario.

i can accept a persons behavior as their behavior without tolerating it.

Once Removed, you make a very good point about "boundary busters." I would definitely say my dBPDxgf was a "boundary buster", and that was a big part of her disorder.

I am certain she would've busted my boundaries no matter where I put them.

For instance, regarding cheating: My boundaries were very wide. I was ok with her having sex with other girls. I was ok with her texting or doing webcams with other guys.

What was the one thing she wasn't allowed to do? Have sex with other guys.

What was the one thing she did? Have sex with other guys.

This is why I will never, ever recycle with her. She has this compulsion to violate my boundaries, regardless of where they exist. Expecting otherwise would be futile.

[hashtag_loyal]

thats a very good point and it reminds me of good boundaries. these are very productive things youre exploring. where do we draw the line?

for example, lets say you are in some form of relationship with a person that has repeatedly busted (or tried to bust) your boundaries. itd be helpful to accept that they are a boundary buster; you dont just move your boundaries, you dont hope theyll change, try to change them, or expect they will get the hint when they consistently dont. action falls upon you in that scenario.

i can accept a persons behavior as their behavior without tolerating it.

Once Removed, you make a very good point about "boundary busters." I would definitely say my dBPDxgf was a "boundary buster", and that was a big part of her disorder.

I am certain she would've busted my boundaries no matter where I put them.

For instance, regarding cheating: My boundaries were very wide. I was ok with her having sex with other girls. I was ok with her texting or doing webcams with other guys.

What was the one thing she wasn't allowed to do? Have sex with other guys.

What was the one thing she did? Have sex with other guys.

This is why I will never, ever recycle with her. She has this compulsion to violate my boundaries, regardless of where they exist. Expecting otherwise would be futile.

[shatra]

once removed wrote

i  think thats not usually how it goes after a breakup. neither party owes the other anything at that point generally speaking.

----I see it in a different way. I feel after a l/t relationship, we do owe each other an explanation and at times, apologies and more... .just like when we leave a job, some people might say "you owe the employer nothing" and while that might be the way some people leave a job, it is best to give notice, and give a reason for leaving.

[whitebackatcha]

This isn't a BPD thing I don't think, it is just a different defence mechanism.  That said, the healthy thing to do is have open and honest communication between each other.  I could never get that with my ex.  When I tried to communicate with her about my feelings she would just sit there.  She heard what I was saying but she never listened or understood.

I kept coming back to this later on in the relationship. I had started to realize there were some things that were just a part of her (I was clearly in denial about others at that point). She could be totally BSC, and so could I, but if we could just sit down like adults and agree on how certain common conflicts could be handled, it could be workable. Most of the time though, she heard it as blame, and couldn't empathize, even when I was trying to accommodate her. Mine didn't just sit there though, she would flip out and immediately end the conversation. The first time I went out to visit her, she started rapidly ending things over and over, starting the first night I told her I got the ticket. I spent over a month planning a trip around how to spend my time without her, because the ticket was nonrefundable. When I read stories on this board, I can never decide how this compares to those who stay, but say mean things when they are threatened.