Strategies for when I bump into her

[NoNoNo]

We live in a small town. You kind of bump into everybody all the time, at the pub, supermarket, the few cafes, cinemas, etc... .I am bound to bump into my exBPDg anytime. I'd like some advise on what to do and what not to do. I am N/C and want to keep it that way.

[guy4caligirl]

Simply ,If you want to keep NC i suggest just say hello and keep going !

Good luck to you .

[Little oak]

Hi no no no ,

I'm new but I also live in a small town. I've found any acknowledgement usually ends in dismissal,my ex would purposefully place herself in places to provoke a reaction from me. Personally I found the best reaction is no reaction, I didn't create the situation,if she wants to greet me I will reply with courtesy,but for me it's self preservation

[Technique]

Smile, say hello, then run along.

I've experienced this first hand. My gut was doing somersaults, but I held it together.

Not only did the lack of real acknowledgement keep me on my path to emotional freedom, it also empowered me.

Am not sure I'll ever truly get over her, but there's no way I'm going to be illustrating any form of weakness should I ever bump into her.

Stay strong.

[shatra]

 Curious--how would you muster up the strentgth to say hello? Not that it's a; bad idea, but for me it would allmost be like saying "I'm okay with how you treated me, and how you left me"... .and I am not feeling okay.

   Would it not hurt your pride and ego to say hi to someone who treated you like they did?  To me, saying hi and moving along is almost neutral, like what I would say to an acquaintance who hadn't harmed me.

  I'm not criticizing the suggestion, I am just curious how one would muster up the strength to do that, after they were mistreated.  I would want to shake my head and storm past them without saying hi. Or I'd feel like I would want to say somehtiing negative to them.

[Wu-tang]

I know how you feel.  I live over the landing from my uBPDxgf - as in me and her are the only two flats on the top floor.  Her front door is literally a few metres from mine.  I'm constantly on eggshells with how I'll be if she either comes out her flat at the same time as me or worse, comes knocking!

I have passed her briefly once a couple of weeks ago and my stomach flipped.  I gritted my teeth and said 'Good Morning' and passed her.  Not much in the way of reply but then I caught her out cheating after she tried to make me feel crazy about thinking she was.  I later found out she was moaning to her friend that all I had said was Good Morning.  I feel the same as you, I sometimes wonder if the next time, and there will be a next time, whether I should walk past her without saying anything as I'm not fine with what she did.  Not yet anyway.

[hurting300]

When I saw my ex after her vanishing act, I got very scared and uneasy. Sometimes even now when I'm in town it's as if I get an uneasy feeling she is near.

[NoNoNo]

great advice! thanks! i bumped into her at a pub tonight. i instantly became uneasy but kept it together, she had an awkward reaction, first trying to avoid me at all costs (you could see the shame and insecurity in her face) and then trying to kind of involve me into some pointless chit chat that i honestly didn't want to get into. i just said hi, didn't go as far as smiling (as shatra said, would kind of feel like an approval of the way she treated me) and kept talking to a friend. i was basically polite and then ignored her the rest of the time i was there. it was empowering, it felt good, it helped my process of letting go. when i posted this question weeks ago, i felt like a ten year old asking for advice. now i'm so glad i did. thank god i didn't engage in any contact. strict NC is the way to go. it really pays off.   

[Wu-tang]

great advice! thanks! i bumped into her at a pub tonight. i instantly became uneasy but kept it together, she had an awkward reaction, first trying to avoid me at all costs (you could see the shame and insecurity in her face) and then trying to kind of involve me into some pointless chit chat that i honestly didn't want to get into. i just said hi, didn't go as far as smiling (as shatra said, would kind of feel like an approval of the way she treated me) and kept talking to a friend. i was basically polite and then ignored her the rest of the time i was there. it was empowering, it felt good, it helped my process of letting go. when i posted this question weeks ago, i felt like a ten year old asking for advice. now i'm so glad i did. thank god i didn't engage in any contact. strict NC is the way to go. it really pays off.   

Really glad it worked out the way it did for you. You're clearly moving in the right direction! Keep up the NC. It does feel empowering to have the upper hand after being manipulated and controlled for so long and yet to still have the moral high ground by being polite.