Intuition and mixed emotions

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

Hi,

Today it's my daghteur's birthday, she's 6 yo. I'm NC for more than 4 weeks now, and I'm very proud of myself. Today, I have a deep intuition... .I think that my exBPDgf could take advantage of my daughter's birthday to try to contact me. When our r/s was turbulent, she used to manipulate ALOT trough my daughter (buying gift, telling me that she missed her... .) and she did it soo many times and I know her kind of strategies. Anyways, that's only a feeling, I really don't know if thats going to happen?

To be honnest, my emotions are mixed about that possible contact?

1- I would be happy if she call... .because contacting me would mean she is still thinking about me. Thinking about me also means that she's probably suffering and thats what I wish the most! I have no intention to answer any of her attempt to contact me.



2- I do not hope any contact. It would only be harmful in my Healing process. I don't want to move back... .moving forward is the only direction I must go!

Maybe I still think and ruminate too much about her and our past r/s. I analyse everything and it's exhausting! Just seeing a picture of her can be difficult to handle (depending of my mood)

Any opinion/advices about my mixed emotions?

[tribalmart]

Hi,

Today it's my daghteur's birthday, she's 6 yo. I'm NC for more than 4 weeks now, and I'm very proud of myself. Today, I have a deep intuition... .I think that my exBPDgf could take advantage of my daughter's birthday to try to contact me. When our r/s was turbulent, she used to manipulate ALOT trough my daughter (buying gift, telling me that she missed her... .) and she did it soo many times and I know her kind of strategies. Anyways, that's only a feeling, I really don't know if thats going to happen?

To be honnest, my emotions are mixed about that possible contact?

1- I would be happy if she call... .because contacting me would mean she is still thinking about me. Thinking about me also means that she's probably suffering and thats what I wish the most! I have no intention to answer any of her attempt to contact me.



2- I do not hope any contact. It would only be harmful in my Healing process. I don't want to move back... .moving forward is the only direction I must go!

Maybe I still think and ruminate too much about her and our past r/s. I analyse everything and it's exhausting! Just seeing a picture of her can be difficult to handle (depending of my mood)

Any opinion/advices about my mixed emotions?

[Little oak]

You know tribalmart I'm sorry it's your daughters birthday and you can't be with her,that's hard. You will have a lot of mixed emotions and conflicting feelings as you begin to try unravel everything that has happened and make some sense of it. There will be good days and there will be bad... .at times it can feel one step forwards two steps back. Perhaps the conflicting feelings is a fight between the head and the heart I know it is for me,the aim is to reach the point where the two align. My ex partner used children to manipulate me,they weren't my children but never the less I bonded with them so I can relate to that,I don't see my biological child and my ex always used to say he was better off without me in his life,so yes they will find your weakness and expose it to open you right up to inflict the most pain possible. I'm sure your ex will be thinking of you,after all it's your daughters birthday but again,in my experience I would expect her to contact you because the silence would be used to punish you. I read your first post and introduction and perhaps the best thing would be to seek some legal advice,relying on an unstable person to be reasonable in respect of contact with a child is a bid ask,again just my opinion and experience I'm sure other will have more insight and experience to share,my thoughts are with you

[tribalmart]

Sorry, forgot to specify that shes not the Mother of my daughter... .

[hashtag_loyal]

1- I would be happy if she call... .because contacting me would mean she is still thinking about me. Thinking about me also means that she's probably suffering and thats what I wish the most! I have no intention to answer any of her attempt to contact me.



2- I do not hope any contact. It would only be harmful in my Healing process. I don't want to move back... .moving forward is the only direction I must go!

Why do you wish that she is suffering? This is just my opinion, but I think the animosity you hold is undermining, not helping the healing. Letting go and striving towards indifference is the quickest path to freedom and healing, in my opinion.

You have a sweet little girl? That's awesome! If she's 6 she probably already has more responsibility and emotional maturity than your exBPDgf. Be happy in that, and try not to give your ex any mind.

[tribalmart]

Sorry to not have been accurate enough... .Me and her mother (not my BPD ex) are in a shared custody (50/50). So, today my daughter is with me to celebrate her 6th birthday

I know that still hoping she will fail and raging against my exBPDgf is not sane, and will not help help to heal. My daughter is my treasure... .she's beautiful, bright, sensitive, and show alot more empathy and logical way of thinking than me exBPDgf and she's 6 yo. I never show any kind of weakness to my daughter. I dont want to  affect her with those "adults" issues. I just need to change my focus, I'm Nc for +4weeks  but in someway she's still there, it's difficult to take her out of my mind!