advice now

[Depression = 72% of members]

So I have been NC since Halloween. Blocked him on cell but he just calls on a different phone.   Anyway. At least ten times a day since the 31st. Tonight he leaves a message saying he ran out of gas and needs help. He is walking and he is chilly. Its 61 degrees. So I tell myself I am not gonna get him.  Its. 40 minute drive and his closer to his house. Call a taxi for goodness sakes. Now all the terrible messages coming in. What a horrible person I am.  Constant calling.  Please tell me I am doing the right thing by not getting him.  I tell myself that the men on this board it had to rip their hearts out if the woman called them in distress like this.  Please tell me I am doing right by not getting him.   This man makes me sick and paranoid.  Am already in bed.

[drv3006]

So I have been NC since Halloween. Blocked him on cell but he just calls on a different phone.   Anyway. At least ten times a day since the 31st. Tonight he leaves a message saying he ran out of gas and needs help. He is walking and he is chilly. Its 61 degrees. So I tell myself I am not gonna get him.  Its. 40 minute drive and his closer to his house. Call a taxi for goodness sakes. Now all the terrible messages coming in. What a horrible person I am.  Constant calling.  Please tell me I am doing the right thing by not getting him.  I tell myself that the men on this board it had to rip their hearts out if the woman called them in distress like this.  Please tell me I am doing right by not getting him.   This man makes me sick and paranoid.  Am already in bed.

[Schermarhorn]

It is common for them to lie to get you to respond to them.

Most likely he is lying, and even if he is not... .he should be calling someone else.

[joeramabeme]

Be assured that if he needs help he will find it one way or the other.

Why are you horrible cause he ran out of gas?  Just tell him the truth, no I am not going to get you and if you want to feel ok about it all, offer to call him a taxi.

The "right thing to do" is what the right thing is for YOU to do, which sounds like you already know what it is but our uncomfortable with it?

Also, both men and women feel some guilt when they have to respond in a self protective way that is uncomfortable.   

Sleep tight

[drv3006]

Well he says he gonna bleed out at mydoor cause he has no one. He always uses suicide. My brother killed himself and when I was a drunk i tried 3 timed myself.  Sober 7 years now. I told him once that if he was gonna kill himself go ahead. Wasn't that awful. But suicide is just awful for my family and he always got me with that.  He scares me. I just wish I could turn back time. I w as not strong enough fir his illness and frankly he triggers my own crazy. I thank GOd I stayed sober thru all of this.  He just makes me sick.  He has three kids who he cannot see without supervision.  I just dent know what I would do if he killed himself.  All guilt of course. I just wish he would shut up. He quit calling me for over 30 days and bam

he just comes back full force.  I want to run way myself. Just like when I was a drunk. I hate this.

[Darsha500]

Hey drv,

Heavy heavy stuff.

I'm also in recovery and am so proud of myself for not turning to alcohol to deal with the excruiciating pain of my relationship and it's after math. The fact that we have been able to do this is a testiment to our inherent sanity. It's something to be thankful for, I agree. I give thanks for my sanity every day. 

As a kind of survivor yourself, as one who has recovered from adversity, I'm sure you know that you are tremendously powerful. You have so many inner resources that you can pull upon to meet life's challenges. You know too I'm sure, about how recovery from your addiction was entirely your choice. I know for me, no one could coerce me into making the decision, I had to take responsibility for my life and my livelihood.

Same goes for our exs. And this absolves you of all guilt. suicide is an individual choice. Of course. You would not be responsible. So put your mind at ease. His burden is not your own.

We have been touched by a mental illness that is simply ghastly. The horror, the horror.

And yet we shall survive. We shall stay golden. Trust in your capacity to make it through all the despair that comes your way.

[13YearGoodbye]

So this time it's running out of gasoline.

Perhaps the next time it will be his brother died... .

Then it will be something else that you can't ignore, breaking his foot in a snowstorm... .

Then upping the ante to suicide threats... .

Whatever. That's why I had to go full "No Response". My X was so good at knowing every hook to drag me back.