Feel bad for her but it always bites me

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

So for those of you who have not been following my situation my wife and I of 18 hrs are divorcing.  We have been together a total of 21 yrs but after finding her going out with an old high school boyfriend and hitting the bars every night I decided to divorce. There is a lot more but I will spare you the details.  So she has been put about a week and actually she filed while I was out of town because she found out I was going to when I returned. During this past week she has found a reason to come to the house everyday.  On Friday she showed up drunk when she knew I was gone. My boys and I came back early and there she was closing the garage door and very drunk driving back to where she is staying. Her moods fluctuate as always but today was bad. She called in the morning talking about the divorce and handling property which we have a lot to split.  She went to Ikea to buy furniture while she was supposed to be working.  By the time she left she was having a sever panic attack and crying that she doesn't have anytime to get things done.  Then she came by to pick up her coats as she is on her way to Seattle to see a friend. Boater she called saying that the doctor won't full her Xanax prescription because she using too much.  She was crying uncontrollably on the phone said she took 3 Xanax and 5 of a med used for bowel issues caused by stress.  I went over to see her as I don't want the mother of my kids doing something stupid.  While I was there she went from thanking me to saying I was preventing her from having a social life!  The reason my youngest son 11 wanted to go to a holiday event with her and she feels she does not have time. Also I sent a text to her boyfriend with some screenshots of their inappropriate contact.  No threats just wanted him to know that I knew.  Now she knew that happened but today acted like she never knew and wants me to tell him that it is ok so they can date!  Needless to say I left her place once she started raging but I am not mad at her.  In fact I feel sorry for her and think she should be hospitalized.  He mom is a terrible person and her brother is a hermit type that disowns his first family.  She is really depressed anxious and lonely.  She blames this me of course but did say she going back on Wellbutrin but I really think she needs more.  So my question is do I stop trying to help her or continue to push her to treatment?  I will say either way the divorce the is happening.  After not having in the house me and my boys have been much better off.  I am not made at her in fact I really think she is sick and very alone.  She has been a hermit and sabotages every relationships she has ever had.  Very sad to watch a person I loved for so long descend into madness.

[KaishaMikasa]

So for those of you who have not been following my situation my wife and I of 18 hrs are divorcing.  We have been together a total of 21 yrs but after finding her going out with an old high school boyfriend and hitting the bars every night I decided to divorce. There is a lot more but I will spare you the details.  So she has been put about a week and actually she filed while I was out of town because she found out I was going to when I returned. During this past week she has found a reason to come to the house everyday.  On Friday she showed up drunk when she knew I was gone. My boys and I came back early and there she was closing the garage door and very drunk driving back to where she is staying. Her moods fluctuate as always but today was bad. She called in the morning talking about the divorce and handling property which we have a lot to split.  She went to Ikea to buy furniture while she was supposed to be working.  By the time she left she was having a sever panic attack and crying that she doesn't have anytime to get things done.  Then she came by to pick up her coats as she is on her way to Seattle to see a friend. Boater she called saying that the doctor won't full her Xanax prescription because she using too much.  She was crying uncontrollably on the phone said she took 3 Xanax and 5 of a med used for bowel issues caused by stress.  I went over to see her as I don't want the mother of my kids doing something stupid.  While I was there she went from thanking me to saying I was preventing her from having a social life!  The reason my youngest son 11 wanted to go to a holiday event with her and she feels she does not have time. Also I sent a text to her boyfriend with some screenshots of their inappropriate contact.  No threats just wanted him to know that I knew.  Now she knew that happened but today acted like she never knew and wants me to tell him that it is ok so they can date!  Needless to say I left her place once she started raging but I am not mad at her.  In fact I feel sorry for her and think she should be hospitalized.  He mom is a terrible person and her brother is a hermit type that disowns his first family.  She is really depressed anxious and lonely.  She blames this me of course but did say she going back on Wellbutrin but I really think she needs more.  So my question is do I stop trying to help her or continue to push her to treatment?  I will say either way the divorce the is happening.  After not having in the house me and my boys have been much better off.  I am not made at her in fact I really think she is sick and very alone.  She has been a hermit and sabotages every relationships she has ever had.  Very sad to watch a person I loved for so long descend into madness.

[OnceConfused]

Sorry to hear about your wife or soon-to-be xw. Nothing you can do for her, she has to do whatever she does to save herself, if she really wants to be saved.

You have already pushed her for help, but you can not continue to push someone who does NOT want to be pushed.

[KaishaMikasa]

Ok so today she is on her way to Seattle to see a high school friend.  She should be happy as she wanted to go on this trip and tonight she is going to a black tie charity event.  However, she text me during her layover to tell me she does not like the dresser she bought and wants to sell it to me. Now, she has been painting everything black over the past week including a hamster she bought for the kids, Ikea in general, every piece of furniture she has bought, the apartment she is living for almost nothing as we own the building and anything else within visual.  She is texting me all the time and last night asks to come over for dinner.  I told her that was fine as my lawyer tells me I have to play nice while she wants to settle.  It also gave her an opportunity to say good bye to the boys before her trip.  Once we finished dinner the boys went over to someone elses house to play.  She stayed and wanted to watch homeland.  However, she did not talk very much and had a panic attack while she was here.  Her depression a loneliness are out of control and I can't decide if she is trying for a recycle or is crying out for help.  I think she is imploding and I don't want her to hurt herself or worse.  I loved this woman for almost 21 years with just shy of 18 married.  I know I have to go through with the divorce as it is better for me and the boys but I think it is going to break her.  Has anyone ever had this type of experience where the pwBPD decides on divorce then starts to fall apart and what is the best move here?