FAQ: Do pwBPD regret damaging impulsive decisions?

[BPDFamily.com]

Do they regret their impulsive decisions? Especially decisions where they choose to leave a partner out of the blue because of some perceived abandonment.

Do they reflect objectively on what they've done or are they always governed by the push/pull dynamic?

[jimmy99]

Do they regret their impulsive decisions? Especially decisions where they choose to leave a partner out of the blue because of some perceived abandonment.

Do they reflect objectively on what they've done or are they always governed by the push/pull dynamic?

[Turkish]

Two years after she broke up with me, 20 months after she moved out, and 5 months after she finally married and moved in with her affair partner, she said that "if I knew then what I know now, I never would have left you." I doesn't change anything for us. Some do express regret, some don't, like anybody. I wanted to hear it, but it was anti-climactic when she told me. By then, I had detached enough to realize the truth: that she was an independent enity who had a right to make her own decisions (no matter how foolish), and that I needed to give closure to myself, apart from her. I wasn't responsible for her, only myself.

[hashtag_loyal]

I think they most definitely do, although they are much more likely to feel regret for their own loss, rather than regret over the harm they have done to others.

[Teereese]

 

I believe on some level, they do. My stbxh would descend into guilt and shame. He would pull away and isolate, not be able to face me at all, push me away and dysregulate. At one point, he actually told his therapist that he knew his actions were wrong but would never admit so to me.

[Marshmellow]

I think so... I also think they are shameful, ( the higher level ones).

Although it's been 3 Mos of me asking for my things back ( once a month per text) mine finally sent them. I think he did out of guilt...

After my ex 's last rage attack, he profusely apologized the next day in several emails.

I had to let it go though because he had apologized b4 but obviously didn't mean it, because he would do it again in nothing flat.

They have impulse control issues... mine did... anyway... I thought at first he was just OCD... till I began researching ...

So I think it is according to how much of a conscience they have... and the level ( high or low functioning) they operate from ... Hope that helps!

[Fritz_27]

I think they most definitely do, although they are much more likely to feel regret for their own loss, rather than regret over the harm they have done to others.

This is actually a rather interesting situation. My (girlfriend? not really sure at the moment) has been both sides of this coin at various different times. I honestly feel like it's situational.

[enlighten me]

I think they most definitely do, although they are much more likely to feel regret for their own loss, rather than regret over the harm they have done to others.

I think for all of us regret is based on selfishness. If we hurt someone and empathise it is only because we know how we would feel if it was done to us. Therefore empathy is based on our own feelings rather than that of others. We also regret our loss. I think for us nons though its not as selective or we are more aware of the hurt caused.

[tryingsome]

From what I have experienced, they feel a ton of shame.
I wouldn't really call it regret, as they seem at times proud that they did something hurtful and would have no misgivings doing it again.
They feel shame to think those same actions make them appear as a bad person.
Though when you point it out to them, it might seem like they regret it; that they are remorseful.
Yet it isn't.
It seems and looks like they just don't enjoy the feelings of being a bad person.