I am currently married to a woman that suffers from BPD

[Concerns]

Greetings!  I am currently married to a woman that suffers from BPD. We have son who is 4yrs old. I am reaching out to the community bc I am searching... .

I want to keep my marriage. I am not sure if I should. She self-harms, has anger episodes when parenting our 4yr-old that transfers to me when I try to protect him. She is resistant to therapy but begrudeoningly willing to go.

As I write this, a number of things arise that I could write about concerning our situation.

      Our boy loves us. He seeks structure in our family unit. However, my wife is unstable.

I've read alot here about staying and leaving. Any help for my wife was initiated by me and at my insistence for fear of the safety of my child.

      She wants a divorce. I feel like if she gets rid of me then she can toss the need to get real help and do the real work needed to make things better for her life. I've read about co-dependency. But if she won't help herself then who will? And if I let her go then I fear for my child and her due to her suicide ideation.

      More to come... .

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Chilibean13]

Welcome. You have definately found the right place for help. There are so many resources and stories here to help you get healthy, to see the patterns that we all see, and to know that we are not crazy. One of the things I like most is that this site is divided into categories for leaving, deciding, or staying. It's nice knowing that people won't encourage us to leave our spouses, and instead help us find the tools we need to attempt to leave peaceably.

It amazes me that as I read the stories of everyone else's life that it sounds just like my life. I'd say the best place to start is with the Lessons. I've only been here about a week. I'm not even through the first Lesson but I've already learned SO MUCH that is helping.

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=56206.0