8 months of NC and new threats

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

This is kinda weird, with the exception of a few emails my ex and I have been NC for 8 months and we both blocked each other on everything. So today my mother got a phone call from my aunt who received a FB message from my ex saying that I am harassing her and her new bf and that if I continue she is going to the police. The first thing that came to mind is how the ___ does she even know this aunt? All of my family lives out of state and with the exception of my mother she didn't know any of my family. My mother checked her FB and it turns out she has about 7 family members as friends on FB people who I haven't seen in years and don't even talk to. So what do you make of this situation and how do I get my extended family off of her friends list in the least embarrassing way possible? I should also add I deleted FB a week ago and then this happens.

[zundertowz]

This is kinda weird, with the exception of a few emails my ex and I have been NC for 8 months and we both blocked each other on everything. So today my mother got a phone call from my aunt who received a FB message from my ex saying that I am harassing her and her new bf and that if I continue she is going to the police. The first thing that came to mind is how the ___ does she even know this aunt? All of my family lives out of state and with the exception of my mother she didn't know any of my family. My mother checked her FB and it turns out she has about 7 family members as friends on FB people who I haven't seen in years and don't even talk to. So what do you make of this situation and how do I get my extended family off of her friends list in the least embarrassing way possible? I should also add I deleted FB a week ago and then this happens.

[guy4caligirl]

I think you should go to the police first and make a report !

[Beach_Babe]

This woman is so mentally ill and bats*** crazy does she even merit a response? There is no evidence to come after you for anything. Sometimes these lunatics just make empty threats. If the police do contact you, I would calmly state there has been no contact for 8 months. Sorry for what you are going through!

[zundertowz]

This woman is so mentally ill and bats*** crazy does she even merit a response? There is no evidence to come after you for anything. Sometimes these lunatics just make empty threats. If the police do contact you, I would calmly state there has been no contact for 8 months. Sorry for what you are going through!

LOL yea she's out there.  This is the third round of smear campaigns, when we first broke up she messaged about 5 of my friends and my mother saying I was abusive, then when I was seeing someone who happened to be friends with her sister her sister harassed the girl till she had to block her.  The relationship ended pretty shortly after so I guess that one worked.  What gets me is I am painted black and she want's nothing to do with me anyway.  She just wants extended family members of mine as friends on FB.

[Herodias]

Mine makes empty threats as well... .It's just too bad when they include other people... .they just want to stir things up and embarrass you it seems. I guess you just have to get the family members to block them on FB... .Mine tried to contact my Mother over something and she never saw it until much later, didn't do him any good... .Good luck... .must be bored or looking to talk to you.

[zundertowz]

The sad part is it has worked.  I lost a relationship over it, I have been depressed that someone I slept in the same bed with for 3 years is trying to ruin my life, and I am paranoid and feel like I have to defend myself too family and friends that i'm not a psycho women abuser. She has moved on, gone NC , and her and her kids are living with someone else. And I'm not even getting into what happened in the relationship.  What else does she want from me?

[Herodias]

The problem is that you just don't know... .it's more than likely she is bored... .she may not do another thing. Could it have been done in a drunken moment? Mine was... .he hasn't done it again and I never got paperwork from a lawyer... I wouldn't worry about it, you haven't done anything wrong. They don't really like the police. Mine is telling everyone I cheated on him and have a bf... .so not true, juts the opposite. Sometimes they project on you their own stuff. You have to calm down. She's just trying to find a way to get to you since you are blocked. Try and get the family members to see that she in fact has mental illness and it would be best if they block her as well. Hopefully you have a family that will believe you over some ex from months ago.

[zundertowz]

The problem is that you just don't know... .it's more than likely she is bored... .she may not do another thing. Could it have been done in a drunken moment? Mine was... .he hasn't done it again and I never got paperwork from a lawyer... I wouldn't worry about it, you haven't done anything wrong. They don't really like the police. Mine is telling everyone I cheated on him and have a bf... .so not true, juts the opposite. Sometimes they project on you their own stuff. You have to calm down. She's just trying to find a way to get to you since you are blocked. Try and get the family members to see that she in fact has mental illness and it would be best if they block her as well. Hopefully you have a family that will believe you over some ex from months ago.

Your right I need to calm down and do a better job of ignoring her.  I guess a big problem I have had is it's been tough trying to explain personality disorder's to people.  You kinda get that get over it look or yea we have all had crazy exs comments.  I guess I have to stop worrying about everyone else and what they think about me and work on myself more.

[shatra]

thirdeye wrote---

What gets me is I am painted black and she want's nothing to do with me anyway. 

----Clearly she does want something to do with you... .I assume she had been checking your facebook, otherwise how would she know you took it down last week. Now that she can't stalk you that way, she needs another connection to you. Negative attention is better than no attention for them.

------She has several of your relatives on her fbook?  Sounds like triangulatiing-i.e.-----trying to have a connection to someone who is connected to you (even though yu don't see those relatives, they are still a connection to you)

[zundertowz]

thirdeye wrote---

What gets me is I am painted black and she want's nothing to do with me anyway. 

----Clearly she does want something to do with you... .I assume she had been checking your facebook, otherwise how would she know you took it down last week. Now that she can't stalk you that way, she needs another connection to you. Negative attention is better than no attention for them.

------She has several of your relatives on her fbook?  Sounds like triangulatiing-i.e.-----trying to have a connection to someone who is connected to you (even though yu don't see those relatives, they are still a connection to you)

I feel like it's punishment, Like I don't want you anymore, I don't wanna make peace with you, I just want you to be stuck and hurt.

[Conundrum]

Ugh, maybe that's the dynamic you n her developed btwn each other and what passes for communication. If I'm way off base my apologies.

[zundertowz]

Ugh, maybe that's the dynamic you n her developed btwn each other and what passes for communication. If I'm way off base my apologies.

Your half right she was never able to communicate and have adult discussions and I guess I gave up on trying after a while.  It's amazing how I have held out hope for closure and a peaceful resolution when she was unable to communicate during the relationship.  Thanks I think your comment may have opened my eyes to a few things.

[enlighten me]

For me it sounds like an attention grab. I would tell your aunt that nothing is going on and if she contacts her again then tell he to go to the police with it. I would also contact the police and explain the situation and ask them what you should do.

Maybe your ex saw you and is just paranoid. You could have driven past her without seeing her and she has put two and two together and got five. The fact that she has contacted a relative that you don't see makes it sound more like a smear campaign to get your attention.

Don't take the bait. The worst thing you can do is call her out on it as then she can use this contact to back up her accusations.

[Suzn]

So what do you make of this situation and how do I get my extended family off of her friends list in the least embarrassing way possible? I should also add I deleted FB a week ago and then this happens.

I'm sorry this is embarrassing for you. There's nothing to be ashamed of, you are minding your own business. Correct?

The police don't police Facebook. The police are only interested in threats in writing, video or recordings, as in voicemail. No one has one of those, not even your family. Take a deep breath or ten. You can't control your ex, only how you react. If you've deleted your Facebook this will eventually go away.   

[zundertowz]

Thank for the replies, Since I deleted all social media I think the plan is to just ignore it.  Maybe one of these days she will get bored and the smear campaign will end.

[greenmonkey]

I would personally get a copy of the message and go and file a report with the police sooner rather than wait until things escalate and you have no evidence of anything.

The way you are pre-empting her, and protecting you. This way the police will have it on record that she is threatening you with the police and you can prove at this point and make a statement that you have been no contact.

If you sit there fingers crossed that the smear campaign will go away, it is not advisable, as you have no idea what is going through her distorted mind.