"Love bombing"

[luckycharm224]

This is an actually email from my BPD ex girlfriend 2 1/2 months into our relationship. There were many red flags that I didn't see during this time because I was head over heels by this point. Are any of the emails, text, letters similar... .

i was thinking about my perfect world... .and you were in it... .alot!

i was thinking how in my perfect world i would wake up next to my handsome prince (you) being your princess. how late nights turn into early mornings and we are still in one anothers arms.how we would sit back and watch our children grow, how our kisses never ended,our night sleeping in each others arms tangled in one anothers legs, if one of us falls the other isn't too far away to catch em,i just see myself with you, being so i love with you in plenty years to come... .that's just a couple things that crossed my mind in 5 minutes. i love you Joshua, even if you are being a pain in the ass or irritating me... .in all seriousness... .it just makes me look forward to "next" time you act like that. i love you so so soo much and i can never wait to see you smile again every time i leave you. i guess i was just letting you know that i imagined spending my life with you... .

oh boy... .

i hope i didnt just scare you

[hashtag_loyal]

I got a couple letters from my dBPDxgf during the "love-bombing" stage, only mine were handwritten.

They were very similar to your's. Used a lot of "fairy tale" language. She also wrote about feeling like she was dreaming because she couldn't believe how happy and in love she was.

[MapleBob]

The ex I talk about in my thread love-bombed me from day one. In fact, she STILL *retroactively* love bombs me! It was only maybe a couple of months ago that she admitted to "loving me before she even met me" (we were long distance, met online).

[OnceConfused]

My xBPDgf wrote poems about us within the first 2 weeks of meeting her (while she was still in r.s with the previous bf, unbeknownst to me). The bait was set and the pedestal was raised so that the crash can be a little more painful.

[SummerStorm]

My former friend BPD called me her best friend before we had even spent any time together outside of work.  She wrote poems about me and our friendship.  She called me her bestie and her bae (I hate that word, btw).  She told me that, if she ever got married, I would plan her wedding because I would know "exactly" what she'd want.  This was maybe a month or so into our friendship. 

Then, when she decided that she was also attracted to me and thought about leaving her boyfriend for me, I got it all: "You're perfect  ," "You're the one," etc.  Once, out of the clear blue, after not responding to my texts all day, she texted me and said, "I thought about you a lot today."  When I asked if it was in a good way, she replied, "Yes... .hurry up and buy a house.  I pictured you proposing to me.  I pictured you pregnant with our child.  I pictured us adopting a kitten together.  And I pictured a lot of sex."  She started sending me articles on lesbian weddings and started sentences with, "When we're married."  A few days later, it became "If we get married."  Less than a week later, I was a "stupid c___" and a "f______g idiot," so that was a quick turnaround. 

I also noticed a lot of fairy tale language with her.  Every guy she dates is "handsome," which is basically how every Disney prince is described.  She told me once that, when she gets married, she wants to be brought out on a carriage pulled by horses.  When I told her how nice she looks in dresses, she replied, "Imagine what I'll look like in a wedding dress... .like a princess." 

Other than some of that fairy tale language, she wasn't very romantic at all.  Instead of giving a partner a present that is sentimental, she just spends money that she doesn't have on juvenile things like video games.  Meanwhile, I made her cards and drew pictures for her that represented our friendship.     

[MapleBob]

I also noticed a lot of fairy tale language with her.  Every guy she dates is "handsome," which is basically how every Disney prince is described.

"Handsome"! YES! My ex called me handsome all the time, which I thought was oddly old-fashioned and fairy-tale-like. Then she'd get mad if I called her "cute", instead of something more flowery, even after I explained that "cute" was, like, the ultimate compliment from me, and MEANT THAT I LIKED HOW SHE LOOKED. A LOT.

[SummerStorm]

I also noticed a lot of fairy tale language with her.  Every guy she dates is "handsome," which is basically how every Disney prince is described.

"Handsome"! YES! My ex called me handsome all the time, which I thought was oddly old-fashioned and fairy-tale-like. Then she'd get mad if I called her "cute", instead of something more flowery, even after I explained that "cute" was, like, the ultimate compliment from me, and MEANT THAT I LIKED HOW SHE LOOKED. A LOT.

The "handsome" stuff extended into TV characters, too.  We were watching a show one time, and she looked at the male lead and said, "He's so handsome."  I'm not opposed to this word, but I don't think I've ever used it to describe an attractive man.  Actually, my mom is almost 70, and I've never even heard her use that word, .  One of the first things she said to me after her now ex-boyfriend saved her life was, "He's very handsome."  Recently, in a Facebook post, she posted something about calling her current boyfriend handsome.  The best was when a local cop came to my work to give a presentation to the faculty, and when she found out he was there, she texted me and asked, "Isn't he handsome?"  Apparently, according to her, he'd had an affair with her at some point.  Last December/January, she posted comments on that boyfriend's Facebook page about how handsome he is. 

When I called her cute, she acted bashful and would text me things like, "teeheehee, really?"  When I called her beautiful, she broke down and cried and told me never to call her that.  She only ever really wanted me to call her sexy.  She always wanted to know how sexy I thought she was. 

[MapleBob]

When I called her cute, she acted bashful and would text me things like, "teeheehee, really?"  When I called her beautiful, she broke down and cried and told me never to call her that.  She only ever really wanted me to call her sexy.  She always wanted to know how sexy I thought she was. 

Yeah, similar stuff here, definitely. It's a bit child-like. ":)on't tell me I'm cute/beautiful/pretty, tell me I'm sexy! I'm a grownup, I swear!"

[Herodias]

My STBX husband wrote on his gf's fb,  "Wow! You are stunning!" on fb! I suppose she thinks that in the good way... .  From what I know about him... .not a chance! (funny, he called me beautiful all the time... .I guess stunning would be like, stunned by how she looks, )

[Circle]

This is an actually email from my BPD ex girlfriend 2 1/2 months into our relationship. There were many red flags that I didn't see during this time because I was head over heels by this point. Are any of the emails, text, letters similar... .

Oh yeah, I've had that before. It's like they are writing a love letter to themselves. Especially if they just bail shortly thereafter.

[unicorn2014]

I was reading about love bombing tonight, it's actually a trait of narcissists according to what I've read.

[luckycharm224]

This always was a little odd to me, but she is 29 and I'm a few years older but she has younger children so I didn't think about it at the time but when she would put on Disney movies like little mermaid, beauty and the beast etc. She actually would say phrases and parts of the movie out loud, word for word. At first I thought "wow " what as memory, but now I think it goes with the fairy tale image that she has in her head of her Prince  charming. Very child like fantasies and in reality, she is more like the wicked witch to me now. I went from the Prince to the frog right after our son was born. Btw. Going on my first day of NC/Lc. Wish me luck. It's been over a year and a half since our actual breakup, but have been in a push/pull since. I finally need to heal from this.

[MapleBob]

Btw. Going on my first day of NC/Lc. Wish me luck. It's been over a year and a half since our actual breakup, but have been in a push/pull since. I finally need to heal from this.

Good luck! I'm at 10 months, still push/pull, similar situation. NC is hard!

[hashtag_loyal]

I was reading about love bombing tonight, it's actually a trait of narcissists according to what I've read.

I would say that for narcissists, love bombing would be calculated, precision bombing from 30,000 feet, while with pwBPD, they would take a hand-grenade, hand-paint it, put it into a gift box covered in glitter with a big pink bow, and then hand deliver the payload with the biggest, most sincere smile on their faces... .

Big difference as I see it, is the pwBPD (at the time) really, truly believe that they are in love and that they've found "the one".

[MapleBob]

Big difference as I see it, is the pwBPD (at the time) really, truly believe that they are in love and that they've found "the one".

Ha! Exactly. A narcissist will trick you into taking the love bomb and make sure they're out of the blast radius before you open it. A pwBPD will just hand it to you, and they'll convince you (and themselves!) that it's a great present and they're SO EXCITED to give it to you - and they'll blow up right along with you.

[luckycharm224]

My ex is definitely BPD. She loved to see how peyote would respond to what she did. Good or bad. Attention is attention. I'm actually pulling away(trying too) and she just popped over this morning after she cakes and I didn't answer to say hi to our son after she dropped off her kids at school. She never does that so it makes me think a little about why she did that. She was a little shocked when I said no, he's inside and you can see him tomorrow. I was in my garage getting ready for work. I asked her firm but with respect, not too just show up at my house again. Trying to regain some boundaries that I haven't had for 4 years

[Circle]

Very child like fantasies and in reality, she is more like the wicked witch to me now. I went from the Prince to the frog right after our son was born.

Yeah, you may know this already. There are four sub-categories of pwBPD: Witch, Waif, Queen and Hermit. The following is a link to a Psychology Today article that discusses these types.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/stop-walking-eggshells/201109/the-world-the-borderline-mother-and-her-children

[unicorn2014]

I think I am struggling with a different problem with my pwBPD which I will probably have to post about separately .