Struggled last night

[butterfly15]

So I am just over the 2 week NC mark and I feel like I am starting to regress in my missing of him. I don't understand? I was moving  along and then BOOM! It hit me. It has nothing to do with the holidays. He was never really into them anyways. Help! I don't want to break my NC. I don't see my T until next week.

[cloudten]

I know you are hurting... .nc hurts... .a lot.

My recovery has been a roller coaster ride. I have good weeks and bad weeks. Eventually it will be good days and bad days. Then good hours and bad hours.

Dont be too hard on yourself. You are going thru withdrawal. The good news is that its normal. What you are going thru, as painful as it is, is part of the normal grieving process. Yes, it really hurts. I hurt to my core, still. And i am on week 7. It does get better though... .thats all i can tell you... .it gets better.

My life hasnt been this peaceful in years on years. The drama is gone unless i do something stupid like look at his instagram and allow that drama back in.

What are you doing to take care of yourself?

Be patient and kind to yourself.

[butterfly15]

What are you doing to take care of yourself?

Be patient and kind to yourself.

I am still figuring this part out. I have felt the weight lifted off of my chest. I miss it. That is a strange thing to say? It has been so familiar for the past 2 years. I am trying to focus on me. I have noticed more patience with my child who has the energy of the energizer bunny

Our bond has been better without him in my life. I am going back to the place I was. The place before my addiction began. Slowly I will get there and be better than ever. Just knowing that I am not alone in this long journey and road to recovery helps. I need to completely focus on us. Myself and my child. I need to find a way to leave him out of any thoughts. Stop wondering how he could just walk away. Not check in. I was going through a lot myself when he stopped contacting me. Maybe it was just too much for him to accept that he was incapable of being what I needed at the time. Or he was just too selfish to realize that I needed more. I don't know. It still pains me to know he is online dating "looking for a relationship" he wants more than sex. However, he has nothing to offer but. It somehow is affecting me that he will continue to hurt others. I wish I could warn them. That is what I struggle to let go of.

[Climbmountains91]

What are you doing to take care of yourself?

Be patient and kind to yourself.

I am still figuring this part out. I have felt the weight lifted off of my chest. I miss it. That is a strange thing to say? It has been so familiar for the past 2 years. I am trying to focus on me. I have noticed more patience with my child who has the energy of the energizer bunny

Our bond has been better without him in my life. I am going back to the place I was. The place before my addiction began. Slowly I will get there and be better than ever. Just knowing that I am not alone in this long journey and road to recovery helps. I need to completely focus on us. Myself and my child. I need to find a way to leave him out of any thoughts. Stop wondering how he could just walk away. Not check in. I was going through a lot myself when he stopped contacting me. Maybe it was just too much for him to accept that he was incapable of being what I needed at the time. Or he was just too selfish to realize that I needed more. I don't know. It still pains me to know he is online dating "looking for a relationship" he wants more than sex. However, he has nothing to offer but. It somehow is affecting me that he will continue to hurt others. I wish I could warn them. That is what I struggle to let go of.

I feel like you Butterfly15 especially as we both have a child aswell.

[cloudten]

I have struggled with the same things- watching him be with someone else when he could have had it so great with me if only he could have just let himself be comfortable. It will kill me to watch him be with others.i am sure he already is with others, i simply havent witnessed it yet. It doesnt sound like he was fulfilling your emotional needs... .which means healthy or not- the relationship wasnt going to work.

He cannot offer someone else more than what he offered you.

Have you thought about counseling?

Is he the father of your child?

Are you able to go NC?

[butterfly15]

. It sound like he was fulfilling your emotional needs... .which means healthy or not- the relationship wasnt going to work. He wasn't! Every time I needed him he wasn't there. Sometimes physically. Sometimes mentally. His latest is I have no passion or inspiration and I lack sweetness. I'm just not for him anymore. That hurts because I gave 200%

He cannot offer someone else more than what he offered you. That is what I keep telling myself.

Have you thought about counseling? I have. My apt is next week.

Is he the father of your child? No. Thank god.

Are you able to go NC? Yes. We just stopped texting over 2 was ago. It's so difficult for me because I was so loyal. Attached. I suspect he had many others getting his attention during our time together. It just all makes sense now.

[cloudten]

I know it is so hard. Good luck in your therapy this week. Stay strong... .you are doing the right thing even though sometimes the pain is so unbearable.  It does get better. 

[JSF13]

I was starting to do better myself and I will agree that my life hasn't been this peaceful in over 14 months but my pwBPDex contacted me last Friday after almost 4 weeks NC and then yesterday for over an hour was emailing me but I stopped responding once the abusive behavior and blaming started again like clockwork. I kept my composure and didn't allow her to get the better of me but I will tell you today is hard as hell. I woke up to yet another email that I have not and will not respond to. What's hard is that I think we all know we deserve far better than what they gave us. We know we are not at fault for how they are. Most of us can say we honestly gave every little bit of ourselves to them however we still at points very much miss them. I know that for me I long for the person she showed me to rope me in but that person is long gone. I won't see her again. I am painted black. Today is a struggle for me. The past 2 nights I found myself sobbing misisng her really bad but I keep telling myself it will get better, that I didn't do this and that I am worth more. It doesn't change how I feel but it is how I keep my head on straight.

[SES]

I have children with my ex wife.  Otherwise, it would be straight no contact.  I haven't actually spoken to her since May.   I ignore most of her texts, and try to only deal with her via a lawyer.  I can't look at any of her social media, and haven't since May.  I closed all of my social media, partly to reduce my chances of taking a peek at hers, but also so she can't see anything of mine.  Last time i looked at her social media it just broke my heart, and left me ruminating.  I'm not sure I'll ever bother with social media again. 

Stay strong.  It does get easier... .Although over a year since we split, i still ruminate frequently about her.  At first it was mainly sadness,  less so as time.goes on. There are occasional sad thoughts that crop up, often out of the blue.  I have to make a concerted effort to stop ruminating at times, otherwise i just feel depressed.  Its hard... .My thoughts are with you.