He isnt diagnosed but pretty sure he is BPD he portrays all the symptoms.

[C.c.rutto]

Hi family,

I am so lost here, for the past one week, I have been broken and a wreck. My boyfriend is undiagnosed but sure sure he is BPD I don't know how to help.  am Kenyan he is British and we have been in a mostly long distance relationship for two years now.

It started as heaven, he was so much in love with me, and he came last year again, I got pregnant but baby wasn't growing well and I lost the baby at 30 weeks. Throughout my pregnancy, he was in the UK working. He moved from one job to another. Before he met me he was in China trying to look for enlightenement. He broke his hand in China out of anger. He was raised by his mom who has been divorced three times, his father left when he was a baby.

I thought I had finally met the one, we got engaged and really was so sweet to me and did his best for us to be together, I really love him as I thought he was the best man I've ever met.

I was like a saviour to him and many times he would tell me that I was his saviour. I was so happy and he promised me he would never ever leave. But when he was away he was in constant fear that I would leave him.

Losing the baby was so painful especially since he was away I was alone, so he decided to come back to Kenya to stay with me.

That is when hell broke lose.from the very first day, he was angry and nasty. At everything and everyone in the streets, he has been racist. Called me names from fat black b___, primitive ape, monkey and all that... tells me he hates all black people and niggas he calls them. Funny bit is, am a black woman, this has made me hate myself for being black.

I have been silenced since than. I have been so submissive, he started first verbal and emotional abuse, and then it went to physical abuse. I have been living in so much fear.

In the evening he would act like nothing happened even though he hit me in the morning, and if I brought it up he would cry and as sorry and say that he would never do it again . But things got worse.

All the anger he would feel about he world about anything, he would blame me. Even if some guy made him angry he would come home call me names and say that am like the rest of them.

I stayed in love and continued to be with hi. because I love him so much.

Until last week, he kissed me good morning, made me breakfast and said have a nice day I love you, but when I came home, he was gone. He is in another country, he ran away without telling me. Even his mom didn't know where he is, I called her in the UK crying. She had been very emotional and supportive to me since then.

I checked my phone as he used to use my phone for calls and saw two strange numbers with +99 code I tried the numbers and one went through to his hist, a farmer in Georgia near Russia. I asked do you know a man called so and so he said yes he is here.

I tried to talk to him but he was so cruel telling me to off and that he has had enough with two years with me I said what did I do only one I was nagging is when I was in a difficult pregnancy and you were away he Saud stop calling leave me alone. He says he never loved me and that love comes and goes. He says he doesn't care or miss me. I have almost committed suicide, but stopped myself .

I was so hurt I cried I have screamed  have been crying since then as he didn't even say goodbye he just left I need my closure how do I move on from this I love him so much but I don't know what I did is it my fault he has made me see that this is all my fault. I have been researching a lot about borderline personality disorder and I will be talking to a psychiatrist soon to understand it better maybe then will I get my closure and maybe then will I forgive him please help me family.

[waverider]

Sorry to hear you are going through this.

When it feels like all the dreams and promises are coming to nothing it can be hard to realign again. To a point all the nice promises and fantasies we have been fed are addictive and hard to withdraw from, and it is a kind of withdrawal you are going through.

I think you are already aware that you have put yourself in this position, and you need to work on your own sense of self and values to get you through this. Seeing your own psychiatrists is a good decision. There are probably some deep seated issues within yourself that is making it hard to deal with this.

I would suggest there is some deep seated need within you that he found threatening and overwhelming so he pushed you away.

i am sure you have also been told that it is an unhealthy and abusive relationship, which in thruth is something you would be unlikely to change and would most likely only have got worse.

[livednlearned]

Hi c.c.Rutto,

BPD relationships can feel like the best you've ever had, and the worst. So much is not as it seems, and it is easy to feel disoriented and confused when you experience the extremes of love and hate. With my BPD sufferer, I realize now (after years of healing therapy) that he projected his pain and suffering onto me and many of the belittling and cruel things he said during a rage were the feelings he had for himself and the family of origin where many of his first lessons in love came from.

It is hard to know what your BF will do now, whether the winds will shift and he will return to you. No matter what, use this time to heal and focus on your values and boundaries. By the time I understood my ex was BPD, he was long gone. Even so, everything I have learned about BPD has helped me shore up my communication skills and deepen my values and boundaries. When or if your BF does return, you must be in a strong place with good skills to weather the shifting moods and emotional dysregulation.

I'm glad you found the site   You are not alone.

LnL