How do I find a place for my elderly angry BPD who needs graduated care?

[sad2cbpd]

My mom is angry at the world and needs physical care as she is 73. She sits ALL day.  Her husband 92 yrs old is failing. She fires anyone and everyone who helps. Never her fault. She sabotages all relationships because "she says it like it is"--her mantra. Are there any services for people with BPD as elders? She can be aggressive and is physically large.

[Turkish]

Other than something like an Alzheimer's facility, which would have experience with potentially violent residents, I dint know of any. Is this what you mean by "aggressive," that she can get physical?  Her husband is your step-dad, right, and the care-givers she fires are there for him, or both?

Turkish

[Kwamina]

Hi sad2cBPD

I am sorry to hear your mother behaves this way.

You mention her aggression, in what ways is she aggressive? Is she also aggressive towards you?

Has your mother as far as you know ever been diagnosed with BPD or perhaps some other mental, emotional or behavioral disorder? Has she ever gotten any targeted help for her issues?

Welcome to bpdfamily and I encourage you to share more of your story when you have the time

[busybee1116]

Is she nicer to strangers than family? Is she mentally still healthy? IME (I work with seniors), those who are fragile and need help but refuse it and are competent enough to refuse generally need a crisis (fall, death of spouse, illness) to precipitate change. It is hard to watch. In the meantime, contact local home care agencies, assisted livings, nursing homes, maybe her doctor to start the research process. When an event happens, you'll be prepared to give a referral and have an idea of costs/what she can afford. If she's not competent, you have more options. If she doesn't have a POA or healthcare directive, see if you can help her make ones in case she does need more help later. I tend to phrase this with clients as "while you are still well enough to make the choices you would want then, keep control for when you can't speak for yourself." So she can continue "telling it like it is" on paper. Good luck! So hard with NORMAL parents... .