Welcome to the Parenting board, 1coolgranny!
Hoping your and your daughter's day is going ok so far... .
It's good to hear that your daughter was in a DBT program - has she been continuing in therapy since her discharge?
Recovery from BPD is a long and bumpy road with many episodes along the way. Please don't beat yourself up about yesterday, dealing with a loved one w/BPD is not easy and learning the proper skills and communication techniques takes time (and even at that, we only control 50% of the relationship - the other 50% belongs to the person w/BPD)
mimi99 has some really good points, and if you feel up to it, a good article on
Validation can be found here:
https://bpdfamily.com/content/communication-skills-validationI haven't seen her this morning and don't what to say. Should we not bring it up? What if she does? What do we say? She is 38 and has lived with us for 1 1/2 years. She has a two year old. We don't have skills to deal with her.
It's understandable that you feel apprehensive about what to say and how to handle the time 'afterwards'... .Perhaps starting "fresh" might work for you in this situation - being friendly and open and seeing if your daughter's mood has shifted since yesterday. If so, you can just go with the flow... .
If she brings it up, the best approach is to really
listen for her feelings she is trying to relate: for example, she might remember things differently than you, or say that you said something that you didn't really say. You can leave that aside and instead try to empathize with how it all made her feel. If you aren't sure, you can ask her questions. She may have felt attacked, she may have felt criticized, she simply may have felt rejected, or not good enough, or a host of other things which brought on painful and overwhelming emotions - if you
validate her feelings - she will feel heard and understood, and will be better able to move on.
Validation is only one of all the tools we can use, but it is one of the most essential ones and if you had to pick just one tool, this one would be the one to start with... .Does that make sense?