Too good to be true

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

I haven't been to this board in a while. Things have been calm here. Last I visited, I think I was asking for a psych eval on uBPD ex. Long story short, he was given supervised visits due to failure to comply with ordered psych eval. When he finally got around to getting the eval, it came back with no significant mental disorders but a strong likelihood of personality disorder. Supervision was not required but therapy was strongly suggested. I was broke from dealing with him, so when he and my daughter both asked for more time- which meant lifting the supervision- I agreed. He's been unsupervised for 3 months now, daughter is in therapy learning tools to "handle" him, things are going well.

No crazy emails, no threats, no ranting and raving about my evil soul. I should be happy with this.

I'm not.

I'm waiting over here for the other shoe to drop. What will have him going off the deep end next? When my daughter asks to shorten her weekend visit with him so she can attend her own birthday party, will he flip out? When she tells him I took her to see his family for the holiday? When he hears she is doing well? I just don't know and I hate that I can't/won't let my guard down.

I don't want to see the upswing on his cycle again, but I really hate not knowing when it's coming either.

[Emhain]

I haven't been to this board in a while. Things have been calm here. Last I visited, I think I was asking for a psych eval on uBPD ex. Long story short, he was given supervised visits due to failure to comply with ordered psych eval. When he finally got around to getting the eval, it came back with no significant mental disorders but a strong likelihood of personality disorder. Supervision was not required but therapy was strongly suggested. I was broke from dealing with him, so when he and my daughter both asked for more time- which meant lifting the supervision- I agreed. He's been unsupervised for 3 months now, daughter is in therapy learning tools to "handle" him, things are going well.

No crazy emails, no threats, no ranting and raving about my evil soul. I should be happy with this.

I'm not.

I'm waiting over here for the other shoe to drop. What will have him going off the deep end next? When my daughter asks to shorten her weekend visit with him so she can attend her own birthday party, will he flip out? When she tells him I took her to see his family for the holiday? When he hears she is doing well? I just don't know and I hate that I can't/won't let my guard down.

I don't want to see the upswing on his cycle again, but I really hate not knowing when it's coming either.

[livednlearned]

Hi Emhain,

My ex's psyche eval was very similar. It wasn't an MMPI-2, and the phrasing in the final report was so watered down and hard to interpret, probably for legal reasons.

Do you feel that your D could be assertive enough with her dad if it came to it? That was my concern with my son -- he was very passive with his dad. How about a safety plan? Do you feel you or D's T can talk about a plan of action in the event her dad dysregulates?

[Emhain]

Honestly, I don't worry too much about it right now, because he has a new girlfriend he's living with. He's still in his "shining armor" phase with her. But she is a very level headed person and does not allow him to talk badly about people D loves. When she sees what she's dealing with and makes a run for it, I'll be worried. But at the moment they're okay. And in the meantime, that's the focus of D's therapy- teaching her ways to deal with behavior without escalating her own emotional issues.

I just get incredibly nervous when the ex is well behaved... .usually his attacks are aimed at me, via email ("what kind of horrible mother won't let her child get a pet hamster, knowing the chaos you've caused in her life by tearing her family apart?" after her visit ends. But lately, nothing. It's calm, but nerve wracking.