The grass being greener...

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

I keep wondering at what point do they figure out that people are people and the honeymoon phase of a r/s doesn't last. "Normal" people who run off from their spouses often find out the grass isn't always greener on the other side... .I wonder if pwBPD see it that way or do they just think, oh well, this person doesn't know me as well, so I am better off! Any thoughts?

[Herodias]

I keep wondering at what point do they figure out that people are people and the honeymoon phase of a r/s doesn't last. "Normal" people who run off from their spouses often find out the grass isn't always greener on the other side... .I wonder if pwBPD see it that way or do they just think, oh well, this person doesn't know me as well, so I am better off! Any thoughts?

[Hopeful83]

I keep wondering at what point do they figure out that people are people and the honeymoon phase of a r/s doesn't last. "Normal" people who run off from their spouses often find out the grass isn't always greener on the other side... .I wonder if pwBPD see it that way or do they just think, oh well, this person doesn't know me as well, so I am better off! Any thoughts?

again

Funny, I have also found myself wondering this today. My ex got engaged to my replacement within two months of us splitting. We've now been broken up for almost six months and I do wonder if he's started to devalue her or if they're still enjoying the honeymoon phase.

If she's a pwBPD, too (which I strongly suspect) perhaps they're a match made in heaven and he'll never devalue her. I think he idolised her (even though she broke his heart repeatedly over the years) - go figure.

Interested to see what others have to say on this.

[enlighten me]

I think it depends on the person. Some may realise after a couple of relationships that the honeymoon phase never lasts. Others may just think they haven't found the right person. Others may realise that the honeymoon phase never last but enjoy it so will jump from one relationship to another.

[guy4caligirl]

It's only a speculation !

No one knows exactly what goes in their mind or how they process things or is she really happy now has she ever been happy when with you ?

My take on that is that the same exact behavior manifest itself again  just not with you with a fiancée after a month from the B/U very sad .

The only way to know is ,if the ex PBD call you out of the blue and tell how She messed up a good thing .

Do you think she will ?

I doubt it... .

[C.Stein]

I think my ex wants/expects the honeymoon phase to be the entire relationship.  I think she may be comorbid HPD and is somewhat addicted to that "fantasy" stage of relationships.  My ex actually told me once that like a child she wants to jump the fence to the greener grass just because it was forbidden.  It may be good for a while ... .then it won't be good and she will be right back where she started. 

Hopefully she doesn't manage to push the new guy quickly into marriage like she tried with me.  I suspect he is younger than her so I wouldn't have a hard time believing that he would be foolish enough to agree to marriage in such a short period of time.  Her biological clock it ticking loud and I believe she will convince herself, lie to herself, do whatever it takes to get her family and child she so desperately wants.  Unfortunately I know beyond any shadow of a doubt that if she succeeds in pushing this guy into marriage it will eventually bring a level of sadness, pain and anguish to her life that she has never experienced before.  I feel extremely sad knowing this, even when I am drowning in the pain of knowing I was most likely replaced before I was discarded.

[FannyB]

I think the 'honeymoon' phase coincides with us soothing them i.e. seeming to be the perfect partner keeps the BPD demons at bay - albeit temporarily. When we fail to live up to their ideal, we trigger them and become devalued in their eyes. We failed them, so they have to find another to do what we initially did! It's just their survival mechanism kicking in really.

I think pwBPD are eternal optimists - a much healthier mindset for them than facing the shame of so many failed relationships. 


Fanny

[Herodias]

You all have great answers and I can relate! I know my replacement is planning on marrying him as soon as they are both divorced. She may be pregnant and she may be BPD! It's hard to say, but it seems very likely. She posts everything to Facebook and to the public! I swear I want this relationship over so he goes on to someone I don't know about and can no longer look at what is going on! In some ways it helps me, because I know something happened and he had to re-lovebomb her! Since I know how this goes, it's weird to see it happening to her! Shows we are correct that they repeat. She does just as much love bombing back, so he may be happy with her to a point. I just know he is not really happy. As they say here, they are never truly happy and I know mine is not. He has told me this tons over the years! I just wonder if he is going to go through with marrying her! We can divorce the end of Jan. I am prepared for him to do it... .it's just so awful. She even has a friend that is a therapist, but she lives across the state. I can't believe she hasn't figured him out, but she is not here. I am sure the gf tells her, she is always commenting on her post... ."are you ok- call me" maybe she knows it's not perfect. Sorry to ramble... .I just wish this one would be over! I know, I know... .it's not my decision.