Did anyone hear "I have to let others decided" ?

[CollateralDamage]

Latest recycle about 10 weeks ago was the absolutely worst yet.  I had no idea about BPD, but she fits it to a "T". As time passes, little things that were said pop up in my mind and haunt me... .like, WHAT? what the hell did that mean?  How did I overlook that statement, excuse or apparent lie.  Anyway, the latest thing was when she returned and said all the right things (sorry, never ending love, commitment again, etc).  I was weak and fell back into the words but of course, as time passed no actions to back them up. After he statements to commit back and be "ONLY US" with no other interests, lovers etc, I caught her still with some other guy ( over at her house on nights that I thought she had the kids... .this is what she told me.).  Sad, broken and depressed I decided to give her my final thoughts in a text as a last final attempt to understand her intentions.  I laid out my soul, told her I would give up everything to be with her and asked her if she was in this for us.  After 30 min she texted me back and said "I have to let others decide for me, since apparently I have not been able to make the right decisions.  I will let you know once others decide".

I was in shock at her response... .what the hell?  Who allows others to make decisions for them in relationships?  So I got up and drove by her place to go talk with her.  She would not respond to anymore texts so i thought it best to talk face to face... .this was my last attempt and SHE knew that... .Of course, the replacements car was there and immediately went NC (now 5 weeks).

Have any of you heard such a response?  Is this a glimpse of her being honest with her PD or just projection?  I do not want her back, but it helps to get perspectives on these little things as they pop up.

Any insight would be greatly appreciated.  Thank you

[C.Stein]

Well, I didn't hear that exact line, but my ex placed too much importance on what other people thought.  She was easily influenced and actively sought "guidance" from other people.  I think she did it because she has no direction and needs others to tell her how she should live her life.  Perhaps she did this so she wouldn't have to accept responsibility for her life?  

On the other hand I actively encouraged her to stand on her own two feet and to stop looking for other people to tell her how she should live her life, specifically her career.   She finally did listen to her own voice for the most part and I believe she made a huge step towards finally believing in herself and her capacity to make her own decisions.   I am extremely proud of her for doing this.

[AwakenedOne]

I think that the end of our marriage came when her "mother" decided that she should abandon her husband.

What happened in my case is that my ex was telling people very delusional non truths about me and our marriage. When people believe the words and thoughts from a disordered mind and give her advice accordingly thinking that they heard facts there isn't going to be a good or fair end or a happily ever after. Add to it that she was seeking guidance in deciding things with the equally if not worse disordered minds of her family members.

Whether your ex is being honest with you or not is not clear.  I don't think there are many absolutes to questions here at this site. It's more like educated guesses on a lot of past things. It's what we will have to eventually be ok with.

Is someone who can't think for theirself a healthy relationship for us to partake in the future? You have an option to decide your own future that leads you in a totally different healthy direction.