13-year old daughter exhibiting ALL BPD traits...family breaking up.

[MumofReh]

Hi!  My name is MumofReh.  My child is a 13-year old girl.  The youngest of three, she has always been different.  Never consolable as an infant, always crying if not held, hardly sleeping alone.  In fact, she didn't stop sleeping with me until about last year.  I can't tell you the amount of blatant lies, trouble she has gotten into, run away from home only to come back with a HUGE story just to keep from being in trouble.  Things stolen and missing from our home.  Disregard for anyone's boundaries.  Numerous friends in and out of her life.  Sexual encounters.  I found out two years ago that she was messaging strangers on the internet that she would have sex with them if they would just come to visit her... .it seems that she always played me and my husband against each other.  So much to the point that I am filing for divorce because the finger was always pointed at me when she acted out, which was always.  He has never seen the real problem here, and it has divided us.  The only reason I am still here is because I know I can't leave D13 here to wreak havoc on my other two kids, and I cannot afford to take D13 with me.  Ideally, I would leave with D13, just to save everyone else from the havoc of D13 episodes.  Last night she snuck out again, in single temp weather, and we do not know where she is.  She is in therapy, but I don't know what good it is doing because D13 just lies all the time.  ALL the time.  Our hands are tied because in my state they will not hospitalize her unless she becomes a danger to herself or someone else. We haven't gotten to that point, yet, but I feel it is coming.  She was cutting herself A LOT, threatened suicide before... .wish I had called an ambulance back then.  But I know more now than I did then.  I don't know.  I just feel held hostage and shackled here

with very few options.  I have always been here for her as a SAHM.  Have always handled all the messes she made.  Now I just can't anymore. 

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[pessim-optimist]

I'm glad you found us, MomofReh, it's impossible to do it all on our own, and I am sorry that your family is currently falling apart.  :'(

We are here for support. Having a  child w/BPD puts a huge strain on all of our relationships and many marriages struggle because of it... .

You said your daughter is in therapy - are the therapists thinking she has emerging BPD, or have they given any diagnoses and recommendations yet?

Early diagnosis and treatment is key, and it sounds like in the long run she might even be a good candidate for a Residential Treatment Center (RTC) - have you considered that option? It usually isn't an easy process, finding the right facility takes lots of research and then there is the issue of insurance/versus payment out of pocket which very few can afford... .