Woke up to find myself in a live in relationship with a high functioning BPD

[True Grenadine]

Hi BPDF,

I've been in a two year relationship with a high functioning BPD that moved into my home a year ago. She has two young boys and I have two girls ages 10 and 6. We moved in fast after six months and her pressuring me to do so. I'm a widow of 3.5 years so my meeting my BPD was only 1.5 years after loosing my wife.

I'll spare the BPD relationship history and sum it as text book anger, gaslighting, splitting and coupled with absolute lying and deflection to cover her lies... .Lies to cover lies about lies. She also hid an opiate addiction from me. I was absolutely swimming in a whirlpool when she flipped from adoration to demoralizing and devaluating me... .We currently bounce between the black and white almost daily with the worst around her time of the month... . 

My life changed when a therapist friend and confidant who knows of my toxic relationship told me about BPD three months ago. Now, I spend hours a day analyzing my relationship and my BPDs actions, lies and and violence and know that I and my two girls are not in a good environment... .

At this time I'm planning to throw my BPD GF out after the holiday and need to start supporting myself to prepare emotionally and physically.  It's hard as I and my girls became emotionally attached to her and her boys

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Chilibean13]

Welcome to the board Grenadine. You are in good company. I'm sorry to hear about the problems you've been having but you have found the right place. I would highly suggest starting with the Lessons on the right side of the page. I had to also accept my role that I was contributing to our dysfuction. Before you can make anything better you must stop making it worse.

This board is for people who want to work on their relationship and try to make it work, as much as a relationship with someone with BPD can work. Are you hoping to keep your relationship in tact? If so, one of the great things about this board is that no one will encourage you to leave.

If you are unsure about staying or going, about to break up, or need help in leaving, there are boards specifically for people in those situations too.