Who ends it?

[Joem678]

I'm curious.  I hear of a lot of break ups that stayed that way.  However, how many Nons had to end it after their pwBPD left.  Did they actually try to come back later on? How many of them actually stayed away?  Do they ever give up?

[C.Stein]

I don't believe my ex will be back or ever contact me again.  It have quite literally been deleted from her life.  Once she gets to this point there is no looking back for her.   By all appearances I have ceased to exist for her and the few times I have communicated with her since the final discard she has written or acted like we never had a relationship at all.  Two years ... .poof ... .gone.

Even if the almost impossible day came where she might want to reconcile, if her shame and guilt doesn't keep her away her fear of rejection will.  This will prevent her from reaching out to me until the end of time.  Any chance of reconciliation would have to be initiated by me, of that I am almost certain.

[greenmonkey]

In my case it was a bit different. I ended it and removed her and her belongings from my house. This was after discovering lying and cheating going back the whole time we were together (3 years)

My trust had been betrayed, and she was more concerned about being a beneficiary in my will than committing to any degree - so there was no choice in my mind.

one year on she does a 180 ish mile round trip to where I live, she sits outside my fence line, she has created so many fake FB accounts that FB has now caught up with her according to the last fake one she created when she tried to message me. She is blocked on my phone, My FB and LinkedIn are on lockdown and I got a new email address.

There will be no recycling, no communication, she will not get the opportunity to manipulate me again. yes she can try as she has been doing, but I will not move a mm. I will not put myself in that position again, one year of mental, emotional, psychological abuse, the rages, the silent treatment, the leeching, the put downs etc etc no thanks not for me.

[joeramabeme]

JoeM: Are you hoping that she will try and reconnect with you?  

My situation is like C. Stein, discarded and I see no recognizable emotional construct that resembles anything like the presence of a 13 year r/s.  

[Joem678]

C. Stein,  That hope is gone.  I love her but this time around she has really hurt our 20 year relationship.  Here is what worries me.  When we started dating (when the cowboys were winning super bowls), I did go NC with her for something she did.  But she couldn't take it.  We were basically friends with benefits back then.  She chased me.  Then the years in between I did do the chasing up until this summer.  I was done chasing.  She did try push/pull at the beginning.  She has made efforts to see me.  As I implemented NC two months ago.  She still texts and tries calling.  We do have kids.  As it has gotten calmer, it seems, I just found out this holiday that she has reached out to a couple of relatives where she brings me up.  One example of what she asked them was "should I have done something more in the relationship". 

She left abruptly like everyone experienced on this forum.  As I mentioned in other posts, she wanted me orbiting her world as before.  She tried but I took control.  But, I have never been put in this situation where I am in control and not chasing her.  She has always ended the relationships/friendships during these stints.  Abruptly too!  I don't know what to expect.

[CharWood]

My ex is a nutbag who cannot stay away from me. short answer.


long answer:

I kicked her out and dumped her over 2 years into our relationship. she defriended me and deleted me off of instagram and I was the devil for a week. she left stuff at my condo though and ignored my requests to pick her stuff up. she  came to get her stuff a week into the break up. she ended up "forgetting" it and just basically chatting with me about what I have been doing and how I was right about everything and blah blah blah ... .but she still doesn't want me and sees me only as a friend... .she spent weekends at my condo on the couch. before I knew it, 2 weeks later she is saying she is still in love with me and is sobbing tears over her jealousy of women hitting on me and tells me she wants to be with me forever and have my kids and never be divorced... .blah blah. I resisted for a couple of days but when she seduced me, that went out the window.

we were okay from that point for about another 2 years.

we separated end of last summer and this time it was her who initiated the break up.  basically chose to leave me because I was angry over her dysregulated behavior and wanted her to get therapy and she refused. she was gone from the house for about 6 weeks living with a coworker. she forced her way back into living in the house since it is ours. I am stuck with her until the end of the year, though she asserts she will follow me halfway across the country when I move back west. she has dated since then, but none of them last.  she is done with me and isn't attracted to me and wants nothing to do with me, stays out all night at other peoples houses sometimes... .but still circles back around to texting and calling me and getting in my business... .she has tried to proposition me about 4 to 5 times now for sex since the break up, she has clung to me and sobbed over her "ruining the relationship", she has snuck into my bed at night about 10 times over the past 3 months and slept beside me. she told me that, should I allow her to live with me, she can date but I cant until she finds someone because she doesn't want me to abandon her and she does not want to hear me sleeping with another woman... .she told me she would never be friends with anyone I date or remarry and that she expects to "always be my best friend, even if I have a new wife"... .she told me she would break a relationship off with anyone who has a problem with me being her best friend... .its just weird.

This has got to be the Guinness book of world records record holder for the longest freaking break up ever! this is not normal for two exes going through a divorce to relate in this way. the woman showers in my dang shower when I have told her not to. just a week ago, I woke up to find the crazy chic running her fingers through my hair while I was asleep. seriously... .then the next day she hates me and is staying out with replacement attempts again. now a week later, she cuts a week long trip out of state back home to where we moved here from to see her family short after 2 days of being gone and a 20 hour drive straight through to drive all the way back, texting me and calling me while she is gone... .seriously.

Im gonna go with most of the time the non-ending it... .see, even when a BPD sufferer "ends" things, they aren't always over... .they may be over for you... .but you are still "theirs" in their eyes. you are their object... .I am gonna have to do something drastic to get this chic out of my life and the witness protection program wont take me .

[Joem678]

I hear stuff like this. The last time I almost divorced her.  I asked her what would she have done if I did.  Her response was, "get you back."  How do you start fearing someone you loved?

[CharWood]

its easy - they act like a lunatic and eventually you realize the disorder is who they are unless they get therapy... .its easy to be scared of an untreated bp, even if you did love them. Despite the fact that my ex behaves like a horrible person, a part of me will always love her. but that doesn't mean I want her in my life if she is untreated. it just means that I can love her from far away and hope for the best for her.