Hi MumofReh,
It sounds like you are having a very emotional day, today and that's not at all surprising in the circumstances. How are you feeling now?
Yes, there are plenty of other people on this site who have thought "This could be me". I am one of them. When I read the posts of men who describe how their girlfriends run or ran around on them, I see myself in my late teens/early twenties.
You touch upon many issues in your post including your own childhood pain. In my experience as a mother, I have found that my own pain intensifies my distress at seeing my own daughter in pain. I can feel both guilty and helpless. Being a mum is hard, especially when your own past has been painful. However, we can only do our best and commit to making the improvements we can make at the pace we can cope with. Ultimately, we have to be kind to ourselves because beating ourselves up over our failures only perpetuates the dysfunctional aspects of our behaviour.
From what I understand (and please jump in folks if I have understood wrongly), the brain structure is thought to be different in people with BPD so there's no surprise that it seems to have a genetic component. However, it must also be borne in mind that the traits that we see in people with BPD are thought to be traits that we all have to a lesser or greater extent, so there's no surprise that you recognise yourself in some of them. It's a matter of there being a spectrum of severity and it is the severe impairment that warrants a diagnosis of BPD. Many of the significant others here on BPD Family are subclinical. However, we can all learn to cope better with other people's behaviour by learning to detach and by working upon our own childhood issues and our coping behaviours.
You mention the possibility that you are depressed. You might like to have a look at his:
https://bpdfamily.com/bpdresources/nk_a112.htmYou might also like to look at the lessons to the right of this thread (BPD Family Connections), if you haven't already done so. They will show you some tools you might use with your daughter and help you to step back from the situation you are dealing with.
Keep reading and keep posting. Things can improve.
Love Lifewriter