things more difficult after BU

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

Hi,

I've been on and off here for the past year or so-- on when things are bad, disintegrating and off when things were good.

She's broke up with me about a month ago but we have been in major contact-- the time has been very emotionally chaotic for me. While we were together the BPD seemed more or less deal-able, but in our post- breakup relationship she gets mad at me practically daily and it is much harder for me to stay true to my boundaries (not being around her when she is drinking, etc). You'd think these would be easier after a break-up (less to lose) but they are harder. Any ideas why?

[kc sunshine]

Hi,

I've been on and off here for the past year or so-- on when things are bad, disintegrating and off when things were good.

She's broke up with me about a month ago but we have been in major contact-- the time has been very emotionally chaotic for me. While we were together the BPD seemed more or less deal-able, but in our post- breakup relationship she gets mad at me practically daily and it is much harder for me to stay true to my boundaries (not being around her when she is drinking, etc). You'd think these would be easier after a break-up (less to lose) but they are harder. Any ideas why?

[joel6242]

You are telling my story of the last few days of my relationship with BPD. The last week I started thinking that I deserve better and finally asked him to leave. That is what a normal person would say. The last few days were real bad. What happened that night has been a complete nightmare and fixing things have me in a terrible situation. I was with a person who really liked to call the police and say that I hit him. That night the police did not buy it so he told them I was driving drunk. Needless to say I went to jail and he cleaned me out (stole several items including cash). I was only given the field sobriety test and passed but when I asked for an attorney on the third field sobriety test, I was arrested. This has cost thousands of dollars and my case still has not gone to trial. I am on day 65 of this mess.

I was able to get a restraining order against him a few days latter. I have made many mistakes since that time but am coming to the conclusion that I need to move and go into hiding for several months. I am supposed to get a contract for employment in another city next week and will pack the car on Sunday and leave. I can not beat BPD and I do deserve better.

[kc sunshine]

Oh man, that sounds so tough. Crossing my fingers from you.