-My insensitive reaction to suicide talk

[Our abuse recovery guide]

Again, my sister is "talking" about hurting herself. Very vague and to my knowledge she has never attempted anything in her 60 yrs on this earth.  I offered to call her a few times a week to help. She recently saw her therapist and when she spoke to me reported that she "had to make a contract" with her therapist. When I asked why she said explained the contract was not to hurt herself.  My REACTION : I changed the subject. I am soo tired of this! I suppose I should have said something about being sorry she felt this way BUT I really believe she uses this for attention! My mother used to do this too when I was young--tell me she wanted to kill herself. As a young child I would beg and cry for her not to do it. Again, talk no attempts! By the time I was in high school, when my mother would say these things I would think "just do it and stop talking about it!"  I know the history with my mother numbs my reaction to my sister but really!  MY GOD--when no combination of drugs or therapy seems to help MAYBE suicide is the answer! Should I just tell her at some point that this kind of talk is for a therapist and I can not handle it?

[Confused#2]

Again, my sister is "talking" about hurting herself. Very vague and to my knowledge she has never attempted anything in her 60 yrs on this earth.  I offered to call her a few times a week to help. She recently saw her therapist and when she spoke to me reported that she "had to make a contract" with her therapist. When I asked why she said explained the contract was not to hurt herself.  My REACTION : I changed the subject. I am soo tired of this! I suppose I should have said something about being sorry she felt this way BUT I really believe she uses this for attention! My mother used to do this too when I was young--tell me she wanted to kill herself. As a young child I would beg and cry for her not to do it. Again, talk no attempts! By the time I was in high school, when my mother would say these things I would think "just do it and stop talking about it!"  I know the history with my mother numbs my reaction to my sister but really!  MY GOD--when no combination of drugs or therapy seems to help MAYBE suicide is the answer! Should I just tell her at some point that this kind of talk is for a therapist and I can not handle it?

[Deb]

I understand your reaction all too well. I grew up with my dBPD sister threatening suicide on a continuous basis. I knew from a young age it was for attention because her attempts were half hearted. As an adult, she threatened it in front of a mutual friend who called me because I was the peacemaker. Well, after trying to talk her out of it, I got angry and told her I was calling 911. I did. She ran and finally turned herself in, found a "therapist" that bought into her "my family is mean to me" bs and she didn't speak to me for 3 years. When we DID speak again, she never threatened to kill herself, to me, again.

With your sister, you are probably exhausted from all of this talk. I was with my sister. You are not a professional so you shouldn't have to listen. Maybe you should tell her that if she threatens self harm to you, you will call the experts because you are not equipped to deal with it. And you are not! You can't stop her from killing herself. A person who really wants to, will find a way. But you can tell her you are not her therapist and you cannot help her, even though you love her. I was fortunate in that my sister really only wanted attention and sympathy.