Starting NC

[Depression = 72% of members]

I told her I would block her number today and I asked her not to return my calls if I break down and call or text (hopefully I won't).

We've had two years of recycling on and off, with two major "trys"-- each lasting about 7 months. Neither of us have been with other people during that time. Last night though, she slept with someone-- and unfortunately went home with him from a concert we were both at.

My NC plan is to try to stay busy & exercising and resting. Also I want to try to leave town as soon as possible so the temptation to go to see her is not as great.

This one feels like it is necessary-- like there is no other way towards freedom and detachment for me.

Is there anyone else who is starting NC now?

[kc sunshine]

I told her I would block her number today and I asked her not to return my calls if I break down and call or text (hopefully I won't).

We've had two years of recycling on and off, with two major "trys"-- each lasting about 7 months. Neither of us have been with other people during that time. Last night though, she slept with someone-- and unfortunately went home with him from a concert we were both at.

My NC plan is to try to stay busy & exercising and resting. Also I want to try to leave town as soon as possible so the temptation to go to see her is not as great.

This one feels like it is necessary-- like there is no other way towards freedom and detachment for me.

Is there anyone else who is starting NC now?

[Joem678]

I have been in NC for about two months now.  Use is as a way of getting yourself healthy emotionally.  This will help you make the right decision. How long have you been together overall?

[kc sunshine]

A bit more than two years.  :'(

[Joem678]

How did you find out about what she did?

[kc sunshine]

I was there so I saw it happening  :'(

And then the next morning (this morning) she told me... .

What gets me is that I asked her yesterday to let me go, and for us to not engage so much. She convincingly argued that we should stay close but then this happens.

It lets me let her go though, so that is good. I just wish it didn't have to happen this way, wish I hadn't seen so much  :'(

[Joem678]

Did she tell you because you asked her?   

[kc sunshine]

Yes. I guess I shouldn't have asked. But I think I needed to know to be able to let go. I suppose I should think of it as a gift that way. But a weird, kind of hurtful, thoughtless gift.

[Cane787]

What gets me is that I asked her yesterday to let me go, and for us to not engage so much. She convincingly argued that we should stay close but then this happens.

From my 30 year experience with mine, the comment above tells me she was out to punish you. I went through that many times, saying heartfelt sincere commentary to be responded with love, then reacted with punishment, revenge, teach you a lesson mentality from her end.

I'm sorry you had to see that.

[Joem678]

Cane is right.  From my 20 year experience, it's a way to make you hurt.  I was asked "if I ever doubted being the biological father of my four kids?" Repeatedly throughout the marriage.