I feel she is BPD and wonder if I should get out now..

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

 

Maybe its something wrong with Georgia girls.

[Tomzxz]

 

Maybe its something wrong with Georgia girls.

[unicorn2014]

That definitely sounds like BPD.

She won't improve unless her behavior causes her a problem and she wants to get better.

It sounds like the relationship is providing you with some pretty powerful chemistry .

Is it worth it?

[cloudten]

I say run. get out.

Since you aren't "dating" in her eyes... .i don't think there is a need to sit down and talk about it.

Just drift. Stop answering texts... .just drift away. She'll find another victim... .if she doesn't have one or two on the hook already.

From my female point of view... .you can do way way way better. the ex being in the picture is definitely a red flag. Her giving him money and food is probably a lie... .if she is giving him money its because she probably OWES him money. It's all a bunch of lies... .lies on lies.

See this for what it is... .     

drift on away... .you deserve better.

[thefixermom]

She has shown you who she is.  The question is is that what you want in your life?  Do not insert "potential"  "hope"  "change" into your analysis.  What part of your needs/desires are you feeding if you choose her?  What part of your needs/desires are you feeding if you do not chooser her?  What part of you do you have to ignore if you choose her? (note: the ignored parts will come back to haunt you)

[richardson]

Well, I randomly bumped into her at the gas station... .

Which led to hugging, kissing, and texting again... her testing and mentioning marriage etc.

We hung out on Friday night... great night, went out to eat, sex, etc... She spent the night.

So, in the am we were talking... .And the conversation led to sex...

Now up until this point, she made it clear she had no interest ever in seeing anyone else... She is so busy... 2 jobs, marathon training, etc... .

So I just asked "Since you met me, how me many people have you been with?"  And  she said 2... .  I was thinking she would say none, as that is what she led me to believe... .  But for some reason she actually told me... .I also wonder what the point to actually telling me was?

I asked who, and when, and she changed the subject... .  Then she said maybe I need a different girl... .I agreed, and then she got very sad... .She left...

Later, I texted her as to why that irritated me, and she turned it around as though she was the victim... , It was more or less "Guys always use me for sex so I don't care about having sex"  "You wont make me feel like a bad person"  And that "She never loved anyone like me, and I was the guy for her, but now its apparently over"

I guess the lesson I learned is, once again, when things don't add up, it is because they are seeing other people and lying...

[richardson]

Is it normal that I still miss her?even though she told me she basically was lying and had sex with others ? I find myself wishing she would contact me.   Even though I know it can't go anywhere with her.

Interestingly she didn't even have much of a reaction. She hasn't contacted me.  She apologized but also in a way that wanted me to feel she is the victim. Kind of like "I am sorry. I am just used to guys only wanting me for sex so it wasn't a big deal to me"

I did send her a string of about 20 texts that probably made her feel bad to which she didn't reply.

[richardson]

Well here is what ended up happening.

She started getting closer to me, and things were worse with her "ex" she was trying to help.  She was telling me I saved her life, I am the most amazing guy etc.

Then one day her ex "flipped out" when she brought him food.  He was using meth and in a drug induced psychosis.   Police were called and he is arrrested in feeling charges.  She also got a order of protection against him.  She quit work, and her family is helping her now.

She was also saying odd things like "I have not been eating to punish myself as I know my ex is in jail and not eating"

She the told me via text "and I think you know I can't see you again either.  I promised my mom a new life"

And that was her last message to me a week ago.  I have no idea why, or how I should have known that, but apparently those are her wishes.

[Lucky Jim]

Hey richardson, In my view, a clean break is the best outcome for you.  Time to move on, my friend.  LJ

[richardson]

Hey richardson, In my view, a clean break is the best outcome for you.  Time to move on, my friend.  LJ

I agree.  I guess the abruptness is never easy for a while.   I came close to sending a text or email, but glad I  decided against it.

[juniorswailing]

Are you happy?

[True Grenadine]

Hi Richardson,

What you see is what you get... .People often don't change without great cause and effort.  Make your decision by what is on your plate in front of you at this moment and what you want for your future. I advise to not rely on the "what could be if only... ." because the "if onlys" will never end and reliance on it is a belief in fantasy.

Educate yourself on BPD and look deep into yourself too, to ask why would you want to be with someone who may not make you happy... .My own journey lad me through a recovery from co-dependency... .

Good Luck,  TG

[Tomzxz]

Richardson,

Congratulations on your decision to let this one go. It's hard, there are others out there.  If your in the Atlanta area, we should hang out.

[HopefulDad]

Richardson, you were given a gift: a transparent headcase.

You will find someone else better.  Much better.  You do not have to settle for this lady.