Advice needed yet again

[Lou12]

Hi all, I'm doing well with the validation techniques and things seem to be somewhat ok.

I just wanted to pick your brains on a situation.  If I ask my BPD is he free to meet up via txt he always ignores it until I re-txt again and he says 'yes that's fine'! Obviously this gets a little tiresome because he always wants to take me to the edge. Do I have to keep doing this or should I just ignore him back and await a response?

If I'm honest I kind of don't my asking again but I am cautious about it incase he's just pushing boundaries and then it will escalate further!

All advice appreciated x

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[Icthelight]

Obviously this gets a little tiresome because he always wants to take me to the edge. Do I have to keep doing this or should I just ignore him back and await a response?

If I'm honest I kind of don't my asking again but I am cautious about it incase he's just pushing boundaries and then it will escalate further!

Is this a boundary that you have established for yourself? If so, I would not re-text him. He will learn quickly that he needs to respond the first time if not, he's going to miss out hanging out with awesome you.

However, you state that you don't mind doing it. If this is the case and it really doesn't bother you at all, then save the boundary battle for something that is more important to you. You have to determine how important this issue is to you. Whatever your decision is, be consistent and stick to it.

Boy, I hope I don't get my account deactivated for giving terrible advice Good luck.

[Lou12]

Haha not terrible advice at all!

No it doesn't bother me to much I suppose what bothers me is the whole 'giving an inch and he takes a mile'. Will he push my boundaries further?

As it goes I can't be bothered to text back so we'll see how it plays out! X

[Icthelight]

No it doesn't bother me to much I suppose what bothers me is the whole 'giving an inch and he takes a mile'. Will he push my boundaries further?

You can't control what he will do, you can only control what you decide to do. Yes, he may push your boundary by deciding to not respond to your second text and expecting you to text him a third, fourth time, etc. etc. Do you have to text him a second time? No. A third time? No. You set the boundary of what's acceptable to you and then you enforce it. He can push all he wants, it's up to you to enforce your boundaries.

If I were in your shoes, I would text him once and at the end of every text (provided you are asking him to respond) I would say, "if I don't receive a response I am going to take it as a no or that you're not interested (or something to that effect). And then, don't text him again. I bet he learns really quickly that he needs to respond the first time.

[Lou12]

Thanks Ice

Im going to try ignoring this one and see what happens but I'll certainly give your suggestion of 'if you don't respond I'll presume your busy' next time x

[Lou12]

So he caved and contacted me! Of course I should be happy about this but I'm sure he will find a way to pay me back . In the process of yet another ST at present, usually if I leave him alone he pulls himself out of it within a few days! Fingers crossed!

[Icthelight]

So he caved and contacted me! Of course I should be happy about this but I'm sure he will find a way to pay me back . In the process of yet another ST at present, usually if I leave him alone he pulls himself out of it within a few days! Fingers crossed!

Good job. Be consistent with this boundary and I'm sure he'll get the message that you're only texting him once. Try not to allow his actions, feelings and emotions to get you down. Focus on caring and taking care of yourself. Be nice to him, even when he's giving you the silent treatment. If you want to invite him to do something while he is in silent treatment mode, do it. If he does not respond, go about your business and do things that bring you joy. More focus on taking care of you and less focus on him.

[Lou12]

Thanks Ic

Doesn't feel much like a victory when you know he'll find a way to pay you back! I'm expected to see him in a couple of days and I wouldn't be surprised if this ST was part of him caving for the last. I intend to call him when I'm leaving to meet him but apart from that I'll remain quiet.

Im still finding it hard not to obsess about him but I'm working on this x