The Holiday are upon us - what advice should we share with each other?

[Skip]

The Holidays are upon us!

Its a special time of years with many opportunities and perils.  What should we aware of?

[hopealways]

From reading recent posts on this forum it seems that the holiday recycling is underway.  I have been seeing lots of posts the past week about exes breaking NC and reaching out to the NON.  Hang tight! This is typical BPD behavior.  Mine always started some kind of fight around the holidays. She got anxiety.  Basically she felt engulfed. I remember her spending only one Xmas with me only to take 2 shots of Vodka and smoke cigarettes Xmas morning. WOW. She was trying to make it through the holiday engulfment.

They are probably doing the same with their replacement right about now.  Will get into a fight over nothing, then discard them, then come to us in the next several weeks.  Then discard us, then go who knows where. Anyone else have this fear?

[Should I stay or...]

From reading the posts it seems that the holiday recycling is starting.  I have been seeing lots of posts the past week about exes breaking NC and reaching out to the NON.  Hang tight! This is typical BPD behavior.  Mine always started some kind of fight around the holidays. She got anxiety.  Basically she felt engulfed. I remember her spending one Xmas with me only to take 2 shots of Vodka and smoke cigarettes Xmas morning. WOW. She was trying to make it through the holidays.

They are probably doing the same with their replacement right about now.  Will get into a fight over nothing, then discard them, then come to us in the next several weeks.  Anyone else have this fear?

I've noticed the same phenomenon too, good observation Hopealways... .here they come.

This might be the first xmas that I didn't get it all wrong! Damned either way... .probably being damned that I'm not there.

[SummerStorm]

Yep.  Heard from mine the day after Thanksgiving, a few hours after she broke up with her most recent boyfriend. 

Christmas should be interesting.  I would imagine she would fly out to spend it with her parents, though I'm not sure if she could get off work for that long.  They moved away from here about three years ago.  She could visit them over Christmas because she was in college and had a month off.  A few months ago, they moved even farther away.  She's no longer in college and has only been at her current job for four months, so I can't imagine that she'd be able to take off for a week or two.  She doesn't seem to have any replacement yet, but her sister is also home right now, so I doubt I'll hear from her. 

Here's a rundown of recent holidays:

Valentine's Day - Boyfriend slept over at her place.  This was about a week after they became a couple, and that was maybe a week after they met. 

Easter - Had a cold sore and was depressed and feeling ugly.  Started cutting again. 

Mother's Day - Canceled plans with me, ignored me most of the weekend, posted a passive aggressive message about her boyfriend on Saturday and then on Sunday told me she would never love again if he broke up with her.

July 4th - Passive aggressive message about boyfriend two days before that and changed her Facebook profile to one of just her, probably got back on Tinder, though that isn't confirmed, promised her boyfriend that she would mail me things she borrowed from me but didn't.

Thanksgiving - Broke up with most recent boyfriend and contacted me 

And that doesn't include birthdays, which are a major disaster.

[fromheeltoheal]

Yes, the Holidays is a time of year where emotions are heightened and we're doing things and seeing people that we might not the whole rest of the year, plus it's dark and cold and we may be eating too much and not getting any exercise.

So what can we do differently if we need to?  How can we take care of ourselves very well this year, so we can both enjoy the holidays and enter the new year energized and ready?  If we've just ended a relationship it's especially important to take care of ourselves very well and stay firm in our resolve to stay the course in the direction of the life of our dreams, whatever that looks like.  The Holidays can be a joyous time of year if we say so... .

[Nextinline]

From reading recent posts on this forum it seems that the holiday recycling is underway.  I have been seeing lots of posts the past week about exes breaking NC and reaching out to the NON.  Hang tight! This is typical BPD behavior.  Mine always started some kind of fight around the holidays. She got anxiety.  Basically she felt engulfed. I remember her spending only one Xmas with me only to take 2 shots of Vodka and smoke cigarettes Xmas morning. WOW. She was trying to make it through the holiday engulfment.

They are probably doing the same with their replacement right about now.  Will get into a fight over nothing, then discard them, then come to us in the next several weeks.  Then discard us, then go who knows where. Anyone else have this fear?

Great post!

It's already started happening to me as of last night and even more so today!

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=287224.0

[Skip]

Well said.

The Holidays are also a time for openness and forgiveness. Not everyone is ready for this (or even believes in it), but for those that do, it is a time when we can safely reach out to people that hurt along the way - someones mother, a child - there is often collateral damages in these relationships but we are some caught up in the crisis of the time we forget those that were just there.

A lot can be said in a holiday card or other gesture.

[GaGrl]

I am a non-non (older term?) to a wonderful man who lived with and came out of long-term marriage to a uNPD/BPD. Also, my own family was affected by several high-functioning BPDs.

But this suggestion comes less from dealing with PDs and more from my experiences lately in loss and death... .

CHANGE THE TRADITIONS!

Whatever you did before, do something different. CHANGE the locale. Open gifts at a different time - Christmas Eve rather than Christmas morning.

Invite new people to the Holiday meal - we had a Tibetan couple at Thanksgiving dinner with a very lively and provoking conversation.

Challenge your assumptions and your history. Be creative as it connects to your loved ones.

[Skip]

Great advice.