Home page of BPDFamily.com, online relationship supportMember registration here
October 22, 2021, 07:59:32 PM *
Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.

Login with username, password and session length
Board Admins: Harri, Once Removed
Senior Ambassadors: Cat Familiar, I Am Redeemed, Mutt, Turkish
  Help!   Boards   Please Donate Login to Post New?--Click here to register  
bing
Depression = 72% of members
Take the test, read about the implications, and check out the remedies.
111
Pages: [1]   Go Down
  Print  
Author Topic: My ex BPD bf had his mom call me and threaten to sue me.  (Read 1598 times)
Itstopsnow
****
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 324


« on: December 09, 2015, 12:25:03 PM »

So my 18 month relationship not only crashed and burned but it went over the cliff in a blaze of horror! I can't fully believed this happened. So I told you all after I found out he was cheating the whole 18 months and had a girlfriend this whole past summer. I put him up on a website warning people about dating him. It wasn't my finest moment. But I was so hurt. And I can't take it down . He had another one written about him in 2012. He far from innocent and let's not forget he was a Catholic priest then. I wrote it all . How he spit in my face and raged at me. And cheated . I said nothing that was false . So his mom called and she was crying and saying she's sick and she loved me like a daughter and wanted me to be the mother of her grandchildren. (Please his offspring no thanks) that's too much crazy for me. She told me I was the love of her son's life. She was very theatrical. If I was the love of his life why was cheating and abusing me, chasing after the other girl and never took ownership of what he did to me! No word from him at all once I found out! They are threatening to sue for defemation per say, well the website doesn't take anything down. And somehow I think third parties but those websites and now he's on 5 dating warning sites that don't take down anything! The have a disclaimer saying things may not be true and they call on freedom of speech. She tried to make vague threats . I told her to leave me alone. If they sue I will counter sue for emotional damage and lawyer fees. I am in therapy for PTSD and there are other things on the Internet about him since 2012. Any judge would see him as a habitual abuser. And he was doing it as a priest. His reputation will be smeared . I don't want to go there with them. So I hope they walk away. It's a terrible incident. I didn't realize I couldn't take it down or that others would be posted. But it's not my problem. They can get court orders to take it down I guess. That will cost his mother 3k each site. He is a waif dependent and needs help. She told me he never raged at her. That he never slept with a girl while he was a priest? Please he was an active priest the first 5 months we dated. Ahe is in deep denial. And she is very manipulating . Trying to talk to me about me losing my mother at such a young age. My mom died when I was in high school. This family is sick! She went to the gym with him last week and had them cancel my membership bc it was somehow still connected to their family name. I got the gym membership back. It was under my name and credit card. They lied and said he was being charged . They need to walk away . I don't want to get nasty with them. I'm the victim here of his indiscretions.
Logged
hashtag_loyal
***
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 228


« Reply #1 on: December 09, 2015, 12:43:04 PM »

1. They don't have a legal case.

2. It appears the apple does not fall far from the tree... .?
Logged
Itstopsnow
****
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 324


« Reply #2 on: December 09, 2015, 01:06:41 PM »

I can't believe she was even calling me. They are ridiculous. It's helping me have not one bit of sadness in regards to him. It's so sad that it really had to end this destructive! But he was being so deceptiful and so full of lies and manipulations . It was bound to happen. She even said she's afraid he may try to harm himself. I didn't take the bite! Get him therapy! They have a lot of nerve.
Logged
Beach_Babe
Also known as FriedaB
********
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Gay, lesb
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Parent
Relationship status: Single
Posts: 2412



« Reply #3 on: December 09, 2015, 02:03:39 PM »

Block them, neither deserves a response.
Logged

Skip
Site Director
***
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 8519


« Reply #4 on: December 09, 2015, 02:12:00 PM »

Block them, neither deserves a response.

Beach, you had an ex block you and defame you on a website.

What feeling did you have about it. It might help to share.
Logged

 
Skip
Site Director
***
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 8519


« Reply #5 on: December 09, 2015, 02:15:48 PM »

I know emotions are high, and I respect that.  And I don't question the character assessment of the ex in this case. However this is a smear campaign and it says more about us as it does about others.

Members here are horrified when their ex do it to them (and often the BPD ex feel justified).

Is it the right thing for us to do?

Should you just ask to have the info removed and copy the family?




CBS NEWS: A man accused of making unflattering online comments about his ex-lover and her attorney on Craigslist has been charged with two counts of criminal libel.

Larimer County District Attorney Larry Abrahamson charged J.P. Weichel, 40, of Loveland, last month over posts he is accused of making on Craigslist's "Rants and Rave" section.

Colorado's libel statute, dating to the 19th century, allows criminal prosecution for speech "tending to blacken the memory of one who is dead" or to "expose the natural defects of one who is alive, and thereby to expose him to public hatred, contempt or ridicule."

Criminal libel carries a punishment of up to 18 months in prison.

"It's not a charge you see a lot of," Abrahamson said.

The case began when a woman told Loveland police in December 2007 about postings made about her between November and December 2007. Court records show one post suggested she traded sexual acts for legal services from her attorney, and there was a mention of a child services visit made because of an injury on her child.

Police obtained search warrants for records from Web sites including Craigslist before identifying Weichel as the suspect. Weichel shares a child with the woman.

Weichel, confronted by detectives at his workplace in August, allegedly said he was "just venting," according to court records. A phone number for Weichel could not be found.

In 2004, Thomas Mink filed a lawsuit challenging the constitutionality of Colorado's libel statute, and media organizations including The Associated Press and the Colorado Press Association filed "friend of the court" briefs arguing against the law.

At the time, Mink feared he would be prosecuted for libel over his Web-based journal "The Howling Pig." Greeley police had seized the former University of Northern Colorado student's computer after a professor complained about a spoof of the professor in the journal.

Prosecutors later said they did not intend to prosecute Mink. A federal judge dismissed Mink's lawsuit, but Mink filed an appeal in July in the 10th U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals.

Denver attorney Steve Zansberg, who specializes in First Amendment law, said prosecutors seeking criminal libel cases could have a "chilling" effect on free speech in Colorado, particularly over the Internet.

Abrahamson wasn't so sure. He said it's up to police departments to pursue cases.

Zansberg contends the 19th century-era law is outdated, is unclear about stating opinions, and is written in such a way that dead people could be victims of criminal libel.

Other criminal libel cases have been filed recently in Durango and in Pueblo, the Loveland Connection reported.
Logged

 
cloudten
*****
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: Single
Posts: 615



« Reply #6 on: December 09, 2015, 02:22:07 PM »

I am not going to comment on the bad daters thing... .

but have you thought about going to the police about them canceling your gym membership? That is stalking and harassment and is a crime. I would pursue a restraining or protection order from the courts... .but file a police report first. I seriously recommend protecting yourself... .then if they violate it, you can take legal action. 
Logged
Itstopsnow
****
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 324


« Reply #7 on: December 09, 2015, 02:37:03 PM »

The website like I said wasn't my finest moment. But I can't take it down. It's a policy these websites have. They can try to get it removed with a court order but that is on them. It's out of my hands. I did reach out to the website and they told me its in their disclaimer . I got my gym membership back. I am willing to do nothing now and simply move on as long as they do. If they try to sue. Which they can't. Freedom of speech and it's my experience with him and says nothing about anything but our interpersonal relationship . They are just trying to threaten me. It's not working. He has more to lose if I have to counter sue them. Then the church will find out and likely his current employement . And I don't want to go there with them. They need to cut their loses and get him some help! Maybe this is what will push them to make him seek help! He's been using women and just people in general all through his priesthood . He's getting worse now that he's out. This gambling addiction started last February . He is going to continue to spiral out as long as his family cleans up his mess. I just want off that crazy train! And I'm gone! I'm not being pulled back in. The family is blocked! And I'm not available anymore
Logged
blackbirdsong
****
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 314



« Reply #8 on: December 09, 2015, 02:48:01 PM »

If they try to sue. Which they can't. Freedom of speech and it's my experience with him and says nothing about anything but our interpersonal relationship .

I am not a law expert but I think they can sue you because of this. You did a wrong thing, that is not a freedom of speech. But I also understand that you felt bad and did that because you were hurt, but that doesn't justify you. I think they will not sue you at the end, because all these things you mentioned. I hope no one will be sued, and you can start your NC phase.
Logged
Skip
Site Director
***
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 8519


« Reply #9 on: December 09, 2015, 03:04:53 PM »

The website like I said wasn't my finest moment. But I can't take it down. It's a policy these websites have. They can try to get it removed with a court order but that is on them. It's out of my hands. I did reach out to the website and they told me its in their disclaimer . I got my gym membership back. I am willing to do nothing now and simply move on as long as they do. If they try to sue. Which they can't. Freedom of speech and it's my experience with him and says nothing about anything but our interpersonal relationship . They are just trying to threaten me. It's not working. He has more to lose if I have to counter sue them. Then the church will find out and likely his current employement . And I don't want to go there with them. They need to cut their loses and get him some help! Maybe this is what will push them to make him seek help! He's been using women and just people in general all through his priesthood . He's getting worse now that he's out. This gambling addiction started last February . He is going to continue to spiral out as long as his family cleans up his mess. I just want off that crazy train! And I'm gone! I'm not being pulled back in. The family is blocked! And I'm not available anymore



Not to beat a dead horse, and of course its your decision, just want to give you the perspective of an outsider not in the emotion of this and its information for you to know and use as you see fit.  

Moral: Mentioned in my last post - this is more about who we are than anyone else.

Legal: If he loses his job, he can sue you for lost wages and if any of the information is wrong, he will have grounds.

Splash-back: If I starting dating a women and found out that she did something like this, I would be gone.  You would be too (in the opposite scenario).

Retaliation: These things often evolve into scorched earth.

Lose of credibility: If you try to get a protective order, and this is presented in court, you are going to get whacked. And if they do file a court case or you file a case, you're doing this will become a matter of public record.

Option You do have the option to send a certified letter to the website (by mail and email) that says the the information is incorrect and should be taken down and copy it to the family.  This makes the webmaster complicit and liable so they will likely act.  It also gives a tool to the family to battle the website and you are out of the middle.

Just sharing so you will be informed and have choices.
Logged

 
hollycat
**
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Posts: 92


« Reply #10 on: December 09, 2015, 03:08:36 PM »

I was a lawyer. For many years. You are not making the correct statement. They can sue you if they find an attorney willing to do it and they have money for fees. The issue is: will they prevail?
Logged
Skip
Site Director
***
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 8519


« Reply #11 on: December 09, 2015, 03:17:15 PM »

I was a lawyer. For many years. You are not making the correct statement. They can sue you if they find an attorney willing to do it and they have money for fees. The issue is: will they prevail?

Which specific statement is wrong.  Let's correct it.  Can you give me specific language?
Logged

 
hollycat
**
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Posts: 92


« Reply #12 on: December 09, 2015, 03:44:24 PM »

The statement of "They can't sue me." is incorrect assuming they can find an attorney to represent them.  It is always wrong to say: you can't sue me. of course you can file the papers and have them served. But will you win? Do you have a cause of action which will stand in a court of law? Do you think sometimes people are sued so they can be harrassed? Um, yes.
Logged
Itstopsnow
****
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 324


« Reply #13 on: December 09, 2015, 04:01:42 PM »

I appreciate the input. But I have to stay true to myself. I'm not going to lie and say the information was incorrect. He had a profile done in him in 2012. Stating the same behaviors. It says nothing regarding his work ethic . It is on a dating website not a professional one as linked or something like that. I said I was speaking from my experience on the post. I'm not doing anything else in regards to this . They can handle it. They can take it down. I will not stop them nor put anything else up. I gave this guy a lot. Forgave a $1500 loan. Took him on trips and nice hotels . He verbally abused me, cheated constantly and could of gave a disease as he wasn't or practing safe sex. He spit in my face and the emotional abuse goes on. I don't care at this point what happens in his life. I just wanted to tell my story to people who have been in my experience. He has been doing this all his life. Sometimes life has a way of giving you some karma. Like I said none of this was my intention. But I'm not bailing him out. He could even face me and had his mom call. I'm really over people telling me I am wrong when I was victimized and used for 18 months. More like 20. I'm not worried about this law suit there is no basis for it. They will be able to see his pattern from 2012 till now .
Logged
Itstopsnow
****
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 324


« Reply #14 on: December 09, 2015, 04:28:34 PM »

Yes, of course they can sue me. But I'll have to counter sue and get a lawyer that will take from the back end. 1/3rd of settlement. Emotional distress and I've been in EMDR therapy and it's all being documented . Any judge looking at his history of unstableness with relationships will see I was the victim , and they are coming after me. I wasn't wanted to sue. At least 4 women he has screwed over. They won't win . The fact he was a priest doing this makes it more reprehensible . He's a con artist .
Logged
Itstopsnow
****
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 324


« Reply #15 on: December 09, 2015, 04:35:59 PM »

And they don't have the money it will cost to retain a good lawyer to fight this. They can get court orders to take it down I'm fine with that. They will just have to pay that themselves . The day he spit in my face he had his second girlfriend sleep over. This guy is a snake! Then he was cheating on her with me! Telling me he just started to date her. It was after we officially broke up. Saying cruel things about her body . Saying she was 25 pounds overweight and below average looking and that's all he could get because he's living home with family. He said her body was a mess. So mean! Meanwhile he went to Disney with her telling her he loved her. Asking me to consider dating him in a month or two. He's a terrible person.
Logged
Beach_Babe
Also known as FriedaB
********
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Gay, lesb
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Parent
Relationship status: Single
Posts: 2412



« Reply #16 on: December 09, 2015, 06:28:02 PM »

I think you gave good advice Skip. When it happened to me, I contacted the site moderator and asked it be removed.   Of course seeing this hurt. Glad I handled things myself, however.
Logged

DreamGirl
Retired Staff
*
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner’s ex
Posts: 4017


Do. Or do not. There is no try.


« Reply #17 on: December 09, 2015, 07:05:07 PM »

You could take it down (... .or you could take further steps to try and take it down.)

You're choosing not to take it down (... .or take any further action to take it down.)

Staying true to yourself doesn't need to involve that you spread what happened in your relationship to the public. I've been on the same side as you in this kind of relationship and it was hard not to let everyone know my version of events and how it was me who was right and him who was wrong.

After the dust settled, I realized that it didn't change anything. I was still hurt and hurting him wasn't going to help me at all.

I'm not worried about this law suit there is no basis for it.

I'd be worried.  A lot of us here have been wrongfully accused and defending yourself sucks.

Not saying that you should be, you seem to feel you have your ducks in a row. For me, I just hate this kind of mudslinging drama.

It really is up to you.

My candid question might be though... .if you are, underneath it all, a little bit happy/satisfied/villified that he's being so reactive?

I mean, was that the point of your website post? To hurt him?  

Logged

  "What I want is what I've not got, and what I need is all around me." ~Dave Matthews

Itstopsnow
****
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 324


« Reply #18 on: December 09, 2015, 07:59:07 PM »

Honestly I did contact the site. It has been reposted to other sites by third parties. I emailed and asked to have it removed. I told them I was afraid he may attack me physically, they said they can't do it. That the obey way it goes down if there is a court order. The one site I believe will take it down, I'm not responsible for the reposting. No honestly I don't feel satisfied . I just want to be left alone to heal. I know this man will keep going down the same road of manipulation, lies, and cheating. I don't feel the need to ruin his life! He's doing a good enough job at it himself. With his excessive spending and gambling and juggling women. I really am not trying to do this but at the same time I contacted the 2 sites and they told me as I stated. I felt that was terrible. I did tell the mother I'll be happy to sign off on anything if she gets the court order. It was a rash thing I did when I was overwhelmed with grief, shock and disappointment. Please don't make me out to be the villain. He played his part. Others put things up and honestly when I found the 2012 one about him, it made me feel a little relief to see it wasn't my fault. He did this for years , I wasn't such a fool not to notice for so long. He did this to other girls . I posted this here to get it off my chest Not to be judged or criticized . You weren't in my relationship . You don't know what I went through, all I did for him or how it ended . I'm not overextending myself to them anymore and beside there is nothing I can do . They said it is their policy to leave it up. Only a court order will remove it . End of story
Logged
Skip
Site Director
***
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 8519


« Reply #19 on: December 09, 2015, 08:40:46 PM »

I posted this here to get it off my chest Not to be judged or criticized . You weren't in my relationship . You don't know what I went through, all I did for him or how it ended .



Itstopsnow,

We're a support group. Part of that is giving you an ear to vent your frustrations. Part of that is trying to center you and give you perspective - help you cope - make good decisions in time of high anxiety. Judged or criticizing is not part of that. Giving you perspective and sanity checking you is. Embrace it.  We're here to learn from each other.

As I read your history, you love this guy, you were betrayed by him, he's melting down his life, and your stressed through the roof because you are just finding this out and finding out.

It's understandable.

We hear you. We get it. Many members here have been through less. Many have been through more. You are speaking to peers that were helped by more senior members and who know want to pay it forward.

We're "family".
Logged

 
Itstopsnow
****
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 324


« Reply #20 on: December 09, 2015, 09:06:58 PM »

Thank you Skip, that made me feel better! It was very kind of you! I'm dying here! This man was the love of my life I thought! My whole world revolved around him! I adored him! I gave him $300 cash for his birthday and my birthday we already just broke up, but now I know he was with her. I took him on great trips and paid the whole first summer he was out of the priesthood . I treated him like gold. So sorry if I'm not upset this profile is on the site! I would be happy to read that before getting involved with him! It's warning girls. And then once they see the first signs of this behavior they could leave! And not be stupid like me and stay 18 months make that 20 months because we still hooked up two months later . I just want to forget him! I don't want to hate him. I want to pray for him one day! He's in great sin! Doing all this lying and cheating and double life. We used to pray rosary together almost daily. He did that with the other girl too! He uses religion to make himself seem safe and stable. He's not a good person! He did this all through his priesthood . There was another profile about him online in 2012. I never really knew him . He presented a good humble guy and never looked at other girls or even drank alcohol. He only started to get a gambling problem the last 7 months we dated. He's not a very good person. He was so mean to me the last two months. Threaten to leave me in AC and Philly, threatened to throw water at me! But would talk to the homeless and give a dollar. . I know I'm better off. But it all still hurts. Nothing was real. He used me
Logged
JSF13
***
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: Single
Posts: 119


« Reply #21 on: December 09, 2015, 09:37:11 PM »

Glad to see someone else got the parental threat as well. I posted on my FB not ever naming my ex that it had been brought to my attn that I had lost many friendships in the past year and that I would like to discuss what happened. I also stated I was sorry for being so absent and that I was committed to helping someone who suffers from mental illness and only want the best for them. Many friends and family reached out to repair severed ties and let me know it was ok. I also went and emailed my ex's therapist stating  that I would not be returning to the relationship this recycle time around, that something far worse was going on than PTSD and that at this point I was so destroyed I needed to take care of myself. The next morning I wake up to messages from our publicist and social media manager. My ex had reached out to them saying if the post was not removed she would go after my career. That what I am doing is slander and bullying. I removed the post. a few days later my ex's father emailed me with a copy of the letter I sent my ex's therapist and said they had gotten a Lawyer involved for defamation of character and if I didn't cease saying anything about her they would pursue a case against me. That I caused this and needed to accept it.           
Logged
.cup.car
****
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: Single
Posts: 251

C:\Papyrus


« Reply #22 on: December 10, 2015, 10:19:22 AM »

OP, I can offer some advice.

I posted my ex to the site you're probably talking about in the Spring of 2013. From a legal standpoint, your biggest worry in regards to posting defamatory material is libel (slander is spoken).

However, libel implies what you have posted is factually incorrect. In my situation, I provided text message screenshots to prove I'd slept with her and wasn't talking out my ***.

I indeed receive a threat from her dad, who was a polytechnic instructor with his own business and had the time & means to actually sue me. However, I had all of our text messages backed up dating back to when we'd first met (welcome to dating in the 21st century), so I took an extremely cocky approach and basically told him "you can't do anything to me if I'm telling the truth, and we both know your daughter has a mental disorder. Please stop trying to make me the scapegoat." I was 21 at the time, so it didnt exactly come out like that.

And whaddya know? Instead of suing me, my ex began stalking me. Of course, things went haywire when I finally took her to court, as her entire family did their best to paint me out to be the bad guy, but she violated the court order five months later on a really lame technicality, making everyone on her side look monumentally stupid for defending her. She hasnt been a problem since. Im still messed up from the court stuff, but im recovering.

If you're older and can't back up your defamatory online posts with heaps of evidence, it wont play out like the story above.



Logged
hollycat
**
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Posts: 92


« Reply #23 on: December 10, 2015, 03:34:37 PM »

I too hate to beat a dead horse, but please be careful about relying on finding an attorney, if worse comes to worst, to work on a case in anticipation of you recovering money. Due to the practice of law becoming more cut throat and expensive, it can be very hard, outside of the auto accidents, to get an attorney to take a case for 1/3 of your settlement. Someone has to come up with the money for the expenses of litigation and that someone will be you. Many attorneys nowadays want you to pay a retainer fee upfront. Just saying, be aware.
Logged
Can You Help Us Stay on the Air in 2021?

Pages: [1]   Go Up
  Print  
 
Jump to:  

Our 2021 Financial Sponsors
We are all appreciative of the members who provide the funding to keep BPDFamily on the air.
12years
alterK
Andi1956
Anondad
Cnvi
doghouse
drained1996
EyesUp
Harri
JD2028
lovenature
Mac5
Methuen
Mommydoc
Mutt
old97
P.F.Change
Skip
snowglobe
Swimmy55
Teno
Turkish
wendydarling

Powered by MySQL Powered by PHP Powered by SMF 1.1.21 | SMF © 2006-2020, Simple Machines Valid XHTML 1.0! Valid CSS!