Healing your ego.

[Depression = 72% of members]

Hello. I would like to ask what steps you have taken into repairing your ego/confidence after a failed relationship with a pwBPD?

Unfortunately, I walked past my ex's boyfriend multiple times earlier this week (the joy of living right next to her). I recognized him from when I checked her Facebook a few months back. It turns out he is not exactly who I thought he was. I try not to judge a book by their cover, but by just simply walking past him a couple times I could tell something was a bit off about him. I don't want to speculate, but it appears he may have some type of social disability or issues. This explains how they haven't imploded yet, I imagine she can control him easily. I feel as who she is dating can be a reflection of me in a way. And since my ego is not exactly perfect right now, this is just another blow to it. I know a lot of things with BPD isn't personal, but it still hurts that this is the guy she left me for the second time.

This just once again shoves it in my face that all I was to her was someone stupid enough to deal with her abuse. I could have been anybody, and as long as I didn't respect myself enough to leave her... .I was all she wanted at the time. At this point I feel I am just working through how much I have been duped. I never considered myself to be someone who is easily tricked, let alone let other people treat me poorly. I could have saved myself from most of this pain.

[Schermarhorn]

Hello. I would like to ask what steps you have taken into repairing your ego/confidence after a failed relationship with a pwBPD?

Unfortunately, I walked past my ex's boyfriend multiple times earlier this week (the joy of living right next to her). I recognized him from when I checked her Facebook a few months back. It turns out he is not exactly who I thought he was. I try not to judge a book by their cover, but by just simply walking past him a couple times I could tell something was a bit off about him. I don't want to speculate, but it appears he may have some type of social disability or issues. This explains how they haven't imploded yet, I imagine she can control him easily. I feel as who she is dating can be a reflection of me in a way. And since my ego is not exactly perfect right now, this is just another blow to it. I know a lot of things with BPD isn't personal, but it still hurts that this is the guy she left me for the second time.

This just once again shoves it in my face that all I was to her was someone stupid enough to deal with her abuse. I could have been anybody, and as long as I didn't respect myself enough to leave her... .I was all she wanted at the time. At this point I feel I am just working through how much I have been duped. I never considered myself to be someone who is easily tricked, let alone let other people treat me poorly. I could have saved myself from most of this pain.

[lovenature]

I can definitely relate to self esteem and confidence being shattered; I have become a broken down empty shell of my former self. I try to be realistic and remember who I was before my relationship with my uBPDexgf, while battling depression, anxiety, and perfectionism. Doing things you were good at and/or enjoyed is recommended (physical exercise especially) to help self esteem.

Co-dependency is common among partners of pwBPD; for me the needy victim/fixer rescuer dynamic was extremely powerful, I lost touch with reality and eventually lost myself trying to make sense of all the craziness. Doesn't matter how intelligent someone is, if you are susceptible to a pwBPD you will accept things you never thought possible.

Keep reading and learning, best to look at why you accepted what you did and stayed as long as you did; the only person you can change is you. It has been said that when you shift the focus from your ex. to you, the healing can begin and detachment achieved.