Something very disturbing happened

[Ripped Heart]

After almost 4 years now of NC with exN/BPDw you would think she would move on with her life and be causing chaos elsewhere, but sadly that is not the case.

Every several months I get an email and it's random as to whether it's a nice email by her standards or nasty and full of hatred. Either way, that has never been a concern as such and I do read them simply for my own piece of mind. In other words, so I know what state her mind is in as to whether there is going to be a full assault coming at my family. I don't allow them to affect me, read it and delete.

However, the latest installment from her this week does have me very concerned. It's full of the usual hatred but also contains things she can't possibly know about unless she is stalking me. For example, I took my girls out at the weekend as it was my youngests birthday and in her email mentions the place we went as a way of saying that I'm busy playing happy families with my children by taking them to places such as **** but continue to completely ignore her.

For those who don't know, my children are nothing at all to do with her, they are not her children, we live in a different country 1000's of miles away and there is no association or reason for her to even be involved with my girls. Earlier in the year, she tried to befriend my D10 on Facebook but that wasn't accepted. As for where we went at the weekend, I don't even post anything on social media and D5 certainly doesn't as she is far too young for a FB account. Likewise D10 hasn't given any information away either. So where she got her information from is quite disturbing. I never even posted vacation pics of me and the girls on Social media and keep it extremely limited to what I post (nothing personal) and extremely locked down too (so even if she did find a way on, there is nothing useful she could find out)

There were several references to other things in her email too, which again is a mystery to where she even found this information out. I believe her latest contact attempt was to let me know she is watching and that is quite worrying and very disturbing. You would think after 4 years, she would have calmed down and backed off. Afterall, it was her who ended the r/s and I've had no contact with her since.

I don't want to confront her over anything because that is then playing right into her hands. But how do I get to the bottom of where this information is coming from and stop it without alerting her to the fact that this one has had an impact. The reason is that if she knows it has had an impact, that will be her angle of attack for the next several months.

One statement she made, which tells me she isn't getting her information from Social Media is the threat that came about me having pictures of her up on Facebook and that I don't have her permission and if I don't remove them she will take legal action. That in itself is the NPD talking as all pictures of her were removed 4 years ago within a month or so of me leaving. She is basing that on the fact that when we were together I had pictures of us but they have been off and deleted a long time ago. I even went back through to check if anything was missed and all references to her were removed back then too. So in the case of that statement, she can't possibly have access to my social media as that is just an assumption based on her own self importance.

Has anyone else had to contend with knowing they were being stalked and if so, what would be the best approach without giving her further ammunition. I don't see her stopping any time soon but it is something I have accepted in my life and hopefully continuing to have 0 contact, eventually she may find something else to occupy her mind.

[.cup.car]

I hate to be the big meanie, but you should have been archiving her periodic Emails. With her latest tirade, you could have printed the whole lot of her ramblings out and taken them to your local police. What she's doing is illegal, and with the help of police, you won't have to hear from her again. Hindsight is 20/20 I guess.

I've dealt with this stuff myself. Things like:

- calling my mom's house at 5am

- texting friend A to ask questions about me

- texting friend B to ask questions about me

- two friend requests from fake facebook accounts

- responding to my posts on website A

- responding to my posts on website B

- responding to my posts on website C

- multiple twitter accounts (blocked on one, not the other, wonder why?)

- multiple facebook accounts (blocked on some, not the others, wonder why?)

- messages from her dad on behalf of her

- phone calls from her online girlfriend on behalf of her

- removing her comments on my youtube videos years later

- posting on facebook about me (when she was under a court order NOT to)

I became desensitized to it all. Every 8.4 months since 2010, another chapter would be added to the saga. But inside something was amiss. I was really hurt that a beautiful girl was dedicating this much of her free time to obsessing over me on a regular basis, but instead of resulting in a relationship, it was... .this... .? What is this? This hurts!

The police put a name to it: Criminal Harassment, faĺling under the umbrella of domestic violence.

Put a stop to it before it takes aim at how you feel inside.

[thisworld]

Do you think she may have befriended one of your daughter's friends under a fake ID and see comments through friends of friends or something?

Is there any way you can check where the emails were sent from using IP logs, do you think she might be intelligent enough to change that, too?

Is she is a professional with some traces on the Internet, linkedn etc that states where she works - hopefully in another city- and can you somehow confirm that?

Do you think she may have made a little trick like "give him the impression that I don't know his FB so that he believes I'm physically around"? Then talking about her pictures or something about herself would be her only way to do this. Anything real would refer to digital stalking - whereas she is scaring you on the basis of physical now.

I don't have children, but I would give this woman to the police.

[Ripped Heart]

The responses are much appreciated guys, many thanks.

.cup.car, I totally agree with archiving her periodic emails, though up to now it's just been the usual format of a nice email wanting me to talk to her followed by abusive nastiness when I don't respond, then disappear for a few months and repeat the cycle again. Nothing I hadn't heard during our marriage and given it was just words to provoke a reaction, something I didn't want to bring up with the police. The fact we are in 2 very different countries with 2 very different laws, it would have been costly and expensive and no guarantees.

The other side being that had I gone with legal action, it would have played right into her hands of getting a response which would have been counter productive anyway. Still, given the direction now, I am saving these and if it does continue then there won't be any choice but legal action. Although I'm quite desensitized to her patterns, crossing the boundary will come when/if she starts involving my children.

She played a very dangerous game when we separated in that she tried to file false allegations that I was abusing her and stalking her. She even attempted to get her Therapist to write a letter to support her (though he was very aware of the situation as he was the one who diagnosed her N/BPD and he refused) The police contacted me at the time and I was several thousands of miles away when the said incident was supposed to have occurred. I was also able to prove it through flight purchases.

The police dropped the file immediately and advised me not to have any contact at all with her, as did T given that she could be dangerous. After she was informed that there was no case, she came at me hard and demanded I pay for the charges she received as it was all my fault. Police advice was that if I responded, she could find a way to turn that into evidence so the less contact the better. That's why I've never responded to anything, good or bad.

I have caught her lurking a few times on LinkedIn and Facebook from new accounts she created but they have been blocked as soon as discovered. As I say, my Facebook is extremely locked down, she cannot see anything and even then I rarely post and certainly don't post anything that she could find a way to get her hands on.

thisworld, my D10 does have a Facebook page, it's a long story as to why she has one but nothing personal goes up there and I do monitor it very closely so I can pretty much rule out FB as a source of her information.

As for changing the IP logs, she is extremely intelligent but not technical so she wouldn't be able to do that. I did do some digging of the logs myself and she is approx where she is expected to be. Again, several thousands of miles away but as before we were married, when I initially ended the relationship because it was too intense and insane at the begining, she actually showed up on the doorstep of my mothers house. So I wouldn't put anything past her.

I had a moment of panic last night when my doorbell rang late in the evening. I'm extremely careful about who comes round and my friends usually call or text first to make sure I'm in. As a rule I never answer the door to uninvited guests because it's either someone trying to sell something or similar. I'll be honest and say that my heart was in my mouth because I did think it could be her, especially since her email arrived just hours before. As it turned out it was a false alarm but it brought back a similar level of fear that I had when living with my ex.

I'm going to keep a very close eye on developments, continue not to respond and archive everything. Just as a thought to what .cup.car said, although I deleted all of her emails, I do know a while back she would email both my personal and work email at the same time as a way to ensure I did have to read what she had to say. I know we archive work emails so I should be able to get those back if the time calls for it.

4 years on and she is still nasty and resentful. It's very sad that she is going to live the rest of her life in such a manner because as her T once said, she won't ever get help because the NPD doesn't allow her to see that she is the problem.