Letting her go after 5 months NC

[Depression = 72% of members]

It has been nearly 5 months of NC. She never went longer than 2 months NC.  Sure I know this is for the best, but we never stop wondering, hoping, that this time will be different.

Letting go is a difficult process, but the last step in this journey.  I don't even recognize the man who 4 years ago fell in love with this woman. I was so different, I have come a long way.

Often I wish I never even knew what BPD was all about. Ignorance is bliss.  But I do. And I have suffered tremendously in the aftermath.

I have so many questions: how could someone just leave and quit without ever trying? How could they disregard all the love I showed, all the good I did?  How can someone tell me they know they'll never find someone better but still discard me?

They have BPD. It is a serious disorder. There is no cure.

And so I have resigned myself today, to let go.  I will stop the reminiscing, the wondering, asking all the questions, imagining her next to me, waiting for her to magically return, or being hard on myself.  Such is life. The peaks and the troughs are what make it exciting.  Perhaps what we always wanted was never what was right for us.

I miss the man I was 4 years ago. So strong, so fearless, so ambitious: but then again, if I really was all those things, would I have been attracted to someone so abusive?

Today I am letting go.  4 years of instability with a fantasy is enough for anyone.  There is freedom in letting go. I am now free.

[hopealways]

It has been nearly 5 months of NC. She never went longer than 2 months NC.  Sure I know this is for the best, but we never stop wondering, hoping, that this time will be different.

Letting go is a difficult process, but the last step in this journey.  I don't even recognize the man who 4 years ago fell in love with this woman. I was so different, I have come a long way.

Often I wish I never even knew what BPD was all about. Ignorance is bliss.  But I do. And I have suffered tremendously in the aftermath.

I have so many questions: how could someone just leave and quit without ever trying? How could they disregard all the love I showed, all the good I did?  How can someone tell me they know they'll never find someone better but still discard me?

They have BPD. It is a serious disorder. There is no cure.

And so I have resigned myself today, to let go.  I will stop the reminiscing, the wondering, asking all the questions, imagining her next to me, waiting for her to magically return, or being hard on myself.  Such is life. The peaks and the troughs are what make it exciting.  Perhaps what we always wanted was never what was right for us.

I miss the man I was 4 years ago. So strong, so fearless, so ambitious: but then again, if I really was all those things, would I have been attracted to someone so abusive?

Today I am letting go.  4 years of instability with a fantasy is enough for anyone.  There is freedom in letting go. I am now free.

[blackbirdsong]

It has been nearly 5 months of NC. She never went longer than 2 months NC.  Sure I know this is for the best, but we never stop wondering, hoping, that this time will be different.

Letting go is a difficult process, but the last step in this journey.  I don't even recognize the man who 4 years ago fell in love with this woman. I was so different, I have come a long way.

Often I wish I never even knew what BPD was all about. Ignorance is bliss.  But I do. And I have suffered tremendously in the aftermath.

I have so many questions: how could someone just leave and quit without ever trying? How could they disregard all the love I showed, all the good I did?  How can someone tell me they know they'll never find someone better but still discard me?

They have BPD. It is a serious disorder. There is no cure.

And so I have resigned myself today, to let go.  I will stop the reminiscing, the wondering, asking all the questions, imagining her next to me, waiting for her to magically return, or being hard on myself.  Such is life. The peaks and the troughs are what make it exciting.  Perhaps what we always wanted was never what was right for us.

I miss the man I was 4 years ago. So strong, so fearless, so ambitious: but then again, if I really was all those things, would I have been attracted to someone so abusive?

Today I am letting go.  4 years of instability with a fantasy is enough for anyone.  There is freedom in letting go. I am now free.

Brave decision. I am proud of you, even I don't know you.

You mentioned freedom. It must feel nice. Can you feel it now?

Remember that feeling and let it remind you when you feel bad and hurt. Because you are free. Use this freedom to make yourself happy.

Work on your inner self.

[Kelli Cornett]

There are plenty of cures of BPD. You have no idea how her life will turn out. That is wishful thinking there, thinking you know.


I'm glad you found peace, but that statement was ignorant.

[molitor]

Was it ignorant, though? My voracious reading has lead me to believe the same; there is no cure. Most sites/ therapists say that improvement is all that can be expected with symptoms lessening to the point of not meeting the DSM criteria anymore.

  Blackandblue22, I personally pray and hope daily that my exBPD will find healing/happiness, but coming to a healing board and calling others ignorant... well, doesnt seem in good nature.

   Hopealways, you will return to the man you formerly were, and if the proper work was put in towards introspection, a stronger man. Be glad you are aware of BPD, it brings explanation to the illogical (to us nons)

[troisette]

I agree molitor - a psychiatrist told me that yes, there are forms of therapy that can help, can even be perceived as a cure. That such therapies take years and require dedication on the part of the BPD, that many drop out. That even if the BPD is dedicated and the therapy is successful, that there is always a chance that they will regress and revert if under extreme stress.

HopeAlways; I send you good wishes on your future journey. Free of memories and worry, to go forward into a new life and maybe, in the future, you'll see your experiences as a painful gift that imparted wisdom as you stride into your future. 

[ScotisGone74]

Blackandblue I believe you have confused "cure" with methods of treatments.    Bpd has different treatment methods, ie therapy, counseling, etc... .but it unfortunately does not have a cure—ie where a patient goes in for a surgical procedure, medication, treatment and following after that No longer has the illness or disease.    

Everyone is welcome to their own opinion, we dont know for sure how anyone s life will turn out, but you have to admit if a person continues lying,deceiving, manipulating, and refuses to take respnsibility for themselves their odds arent great for extended bliss in their future.  

[LArve]

hopealways, I feel for you. The man you were 4 years ago is not so far away as you think.

i have great admiration you were able to survive 4 years of it. That takes more than a man of steel.

Wishing you all the best as you continue to move on. Freedom now can only bring you the happiness you deserve.

[hopealways]

Thank you all for your words of encouragement. I also wish you all the best in this journey.  I know with sufficient time and healing we will be better versions of our former self.

[apollotech]

There are plenty of cures of BPD. You have no idea how her life will turn out. That is wishful thinking there, thinking you know.


I'm glad you found peace, but that statement was ignorant.

BPD is not curable. All of the treatments are therapies, not cures. At best, treatment instills new, healthy coping mechanisms in the pwBPD; it doesn't correct the abnormal developmental issue.

hopealways, good for you! You sound ready for your future, free of past nightmares.

[hopealways]

Thank you Apollotech for your words of encouragement.

Yes, agreed, there is no cure.  4 years of dealing with her, written 440+ posts on this forum, having read thousands of pages about BPD, spoken to Psychiatrists and psychologists, it is obvious there's no cure. But even if there was, she was not interested in seeking therapy or getting better. All she said was "I can't" - even though I found her the best therapists etc.  Oh well, you can lead them to water but we can't force them to drink.

I have been reading a lot of articles on "letting go" and watching videos. It does help. I think some of us myself included take things way too hard on ourselves. Even this relationship, it's not the end of the world. Others have broken up and moved on and so will I.  I shouldn't have to make myself suffer over it.  Letting go once mastered is truly the greatest path to freedom.