Being painted black over the size of the pizza

[SweetCharlotte]

I should say, the trigger was the size pizza I ordered. It would have been something else if not that, I know.

He lost one fifth of his body weight over the past year. He is thin for the first time since his twenties. It was hard for him to maintain control over his calorie intake and exercise in order to achieve this fantastic outcome. I found him equally attractive when he was overweight, but now I have to admit, it's more fun in bed when you can "get closer" to your partner.

I knew that there would be problems for him with staying thin. Binge eating was one of his coping mechanisms.

We have a long-distance marriage, and last weekend he was with me for a pre-Christmas visit. Usually we go from Thanksgiving to Christmas holidays without seeing each other. This time we were able to shop for a tree together at a tree farm in the countryside. On the way back, we stopped at a cute restaurant for a "light meal." I ordered three small plates that I would share with him, he ordered a vegan entree, and my D12 said she wanted an individual pizza. I tried to nudge her to get a larger size to share with everyone, and she said, absolutely not, she wanted an individual and it would be just for her. She is extremely finicky about food, though not to the point where she could be diagnosed as anorectic.

I let her have her way, and I got the "disappointed face" from uBPDh. He bought a bag of baked goods that he gorged on in the car while I drove us all home. From that point onward I have been painted black. I am a bad parent because I don't discipline her, I give him no authority to control her behavior, etc. She was especially trying all weekend, and insulted him over his being in debt over $100K (he actually just brought it down to five figures). During our past breakups I had discussed the H's financial matters with her to console her about losing him as a substitute father (I had her through an anonymous donor at 42; my S18 from a previous marriage is away at university). Now there is no way to take back this information.

I could tell that this was brewing because he slapped the iPhone during FaceTime last week (my previous thread on this board). I'm trying the detach with love strategy, keeping contact to a minimum. By the time he left my house, we were barely speaking. I spanked my D12, which I hate to do and almost never do, and she promised not to allude to his debts again, but I know that she will not change. It's hurtful and frustrating to be approaching Christmas this way.

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