Push-pull and mirroring at the same time?

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

To clarify, learning about the disorder didn't erase the anguish, it erased the confusion. 

Yes, confusion. Sorry for that, I guess I associated the two in my mind. About NPD and BPD, I agree with everything you say. That's why I couldn't remain in my relationship because how I felt about the behaviours I received - regardless of their reasons- far exceeded my boundaries. I know where taking that risk takes me from a prior relationship. I didn't want to be exposed to those behaviours and neither did I want to show behaviours that would damage my balance within myself and make me dislike myself in the long run. This is a dance for two. 

[thisworld]

To clarify, learning about the disorder didn't erase the anguish, it erased the confusion. 

Yes, confusion. Sorry for that, I guess I associated the two in my mind. About NPD and BPD, I agree with everything you say. That's why I couldn't remain in my relationship because how I felt about the behaviours I received - regardless of their reasons- far exceeded my boundaries. I know where taking that risk takes me from a prior relationship. I didn't want to be exposed to those behaviours and neither did I want to show behaviours that would damage my balance within myself and make me dislike myself in the long run. This is a dance for two. 

[fromheeltoheal]

To clarify, learning about the disorder didn't erase the anguish, it erased the confusion. 

Yes, confusion. Sorry for that, I guess I associated the two in my mind. About NPD and BPD, I agree with everything you say. That's why I couldn't remain in my relationship because how I felt about the behaviours I received - regardless of their reasons- far exceeded my boundaries. I know where taking that risk takes me from a prior relationship. I didn't want to be exposed to those behaviours and neither did I want to show behaviours that would damage my balance within myself and make me dislike myself in the long run. This is a dance for two. 

Yep, I had weak boundaries going into the relationship, in fact if they were stronger the relationship never would have started.  And it takes what it takes, and one of the gifts of the relationship was to smack me in the face with the consequences of weak boundaries, sometimes the lesson needs to be delivered with a club to get through to me, but I got it this time.  Moving forward... .

[unicorn2014]

Thank you this world and heel to heal, as you know I am still in my r/s now and I may be left at the end of the year if something doesn't change.

I will read the shades of black thread.

My pwBPD isn't an emotional sadist with me, thankfully.

I definitely see narcissism in him and he's in total denial about it as well as some psychopathy which he is also in total denial about. He takes online quizzes to reassure himself he's not these things. He also uses therapy to reassure himself  he's not these things and then he reports to me what his therapist said. Of course that didn't work with one of them because he used to be my therapist.

[unicorn2014]

This world do you think you could post a link to the shades of black thread?

[thisworld]

Sure thing, here it is:

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=287572.0

Enjoy:))

[unicorn2014]

Thank you this world, I will read that a little later today.