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flourdust
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« Reply #1 on: December 18, 2015, 09:27:29 AM » |
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A year ago, I knew something was wrong. My wife was dealing with a lot of stress and going through bouts of depression and anger. I tried to treat her extra-nice with a holiday trip to pamper her, helping her with medication changes that might help, and so on. But she got worse. And worse. I didn't know anything about BPD yet.
Over the past year, she was diagnosed with BPD and enrolled in a DBT program. She became more aggressive and abusive, and I struggled with my own self-esteem and feelings of hopelessness. We started marriage counseling at her insistence. In the summer, I told myself I would get a divorce if things didn't improve soon.
In the fall, I actually started to research BPD for the first time, and it was a shocking revelation. I don't have to tell you what it's like to suddenly see an explanation that fits, that makes sense, for all the incomprehensible behaviors. I learned about co-dependency, about boundaries, about validation. I started working on myself. I gave myself permission to not be her slave.
As fall progressed into winter, I began to detach myself from her, and she reacted by getting more aggressive, more abusive, more irrational. I focused on my daughter's well-being, as she was caught in the middle of a terrible, destructive home environment.
Now, we sleep in separate rooms, and I avoid communicating with her as much as possible, because she turns almost any interaction into a conflict. I'm working on my exit strategy. I expect to be in a better place at this time next year, but not with her. It's still possible that there could be a breakthrough that would lead us toward mending the relationship, but I think that would require a Christmas miracle. Unfortunately, I'm not Christian.
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