Help recovering from my BPD ex,

[Trip09]

We were together for 2 years. The start of our relationship was indescribable. I have never felt love so strong before in my life. She was my perfect everything! I absolutely adored her and couldn’t believe how lucky I was to have this beautiful angel come into my life.

As our relationship grew the inevitable honeymoon faze slowly faded. Looking back, it was at this stage I noticed things were a little off with her and the way she acted. Though my rose colour glasses didn’t want to recognise it. I’m not saying I was perfect either, but I always made sure i did everything I could to make sure she felt loved throughout the entire time we were together. I’d always talk to her, listen to her, surprise her with gifts, date nights, hotel rooms, little holidays away etc. i didnt want a girl who made me feel so loved not feel what i felt. But throughout all this she started doing and saying things that weren’t right. One of the worst being when we’d cuddle up and I’d say how much I loved her and couldn’t wait to spend the rest of our lives together, her usual response. I haven’t signed the contract yet... :|

So with that being said we decided to move in together about 9 months into the relationship (what could be wrong with that)? This was when I really started to realise that when things didn’t go exactly her way she would flip out, like how a 5 year old would. Very self-centred and selfish. She really struggled to see things from other people’s perspective and that everything didn’t always revolve around her. She would bad mouth her friends and her family members. I thought she just needed to vent but I can see now this is just who she is. Even her family would always say to me, if ***** doesn’t get her way, look out! Look out indeed!

Although there were the little flip outs and remarks I was still completely in love with her and about a year after living in our rental, we decided to buy a house. This was mainly pushed by her as she hated paying rent and wanted to secure a home for our future family. I was happy to stay where we were, however, I felt this was where my life was going to go, might as well buy a house now and start our next phase. Looking back, I can see this was a very fast amount of time to commit to something so big. But when you’re in love and feel without a doubt you are with your soul mate, why question it? What I didn’t know at the time is that this would be the trigger for her true self to unleash its vent up fury on me...

First sign something was coming out was when we put an offer in for a house and it got rejected. The agent called her and said they didn’t accept our offer and asked if can we do anymore. To me a logical person in a relationship would say, I’ll discuss this with my partner and we’ll let you know. NOPE! She offered an extra $5000 from our previous offer without any discussion or even telling me. I only found out about this when she texted me saying it had all happened. Not even considering asking me or talking it through as a couple, to her she was right to offer the money without my thoughts. When I said what she did wasn’t the best move and that we should be talking about this sort of thing together, she someone how turned it around and made me feel guilty.

Anyway the offer was in and I figured let’s see what happens. Needless to say, they accepted that offer and just like that we had a house together. It was an old house and needed massive amounts of work done. So I got all my tradie mates to help out and work on the place before we moved in. This was a tough time as I was juggling full time work, university studies, house renovations, seeing family and friends and trying keeping our relationship happy. It seemed as though no matter what I did it still wasn’t enough. And although she helped out, she started to become extremely distant.

Throughout the renovations things got so difficult, she would flip out over so many little things. Just a few examples, I was able to get a friend to install a beautiful built in wardrobe for a cheaper price than the quote she had from a generic wardrobe company. This didn’t go down well, she made it into this huge thing and was angry at me for getting a better deal. I just couldn’t understand why she was so upset with this? Another example was while we painted the walls in one room, I was finding it hard to see the difference between the feature wall colour and the standard wall colour (she picked the paint colours), when I said I couldn’t see much difference I could see she was insanely angry at me for saying it. However, we talked about it for a bit and said we’d redo it later and kept painting away. I found out later on from her sister that after our breakup she said to her friends and family we had a massive shouting argument over this and she told me to leave the house. This of course never happened and was completely delusional. Thankfully her sister knowing who she really is was wise enough to know that this wasn’t the truth.

Once we finally got our renovations done, I was totally exhausted. As I said, balancing full time work, university studies, renovation work etc was killing me, but we did it and finally moved in. To make things easy on her, on our final moving in day my dad and I decided we’d move all our furniture from the rental to our house while my mum took her out to get her nails done and have a girl’s day. Finally, after a long day of moving we got everything in, she comes home, no thanks or anything, she just flipped out because a cup was on a bench which clearly wasn’t meant to have a cup on it? All I could think was, can you see how everything is now in our house?

A week later and I thought things were getting back to normal. I figured moving house is tough at the best of times and we’d gotten through the battle. Far from it! Her dad comes around and says that he’s been having trouble with her mum and he may move out. My ex got upset and decided to see her mum, at least that’s what she told me. When she came home later that night, I didn’t realise my world was about to come crashing down. As she came in crying I asked her if everything was ok with her mum and she came back with the dreaded, I cant do this anymore, we are over.

I was numb, in shock and disbelief. We had just committed and bought a house together, doing it up and planning out our future and now, NOW you want us to be over? This was a girl who a few hours earlier was saying how much she loved me. We had endlessly talked about our kids names, our wedding, our future together and just like that, it was all gone. I even had a ring ready to ask her to marry me, but every time I felt I was going to do it, something pulled me back (spiritual guides)?

The next few weeks were awful, she unleashed hell on me. She had no empathy for what she had done and couldnt understand why i was so upset. I couldnt even begin negotiating what we were doing with the house, to her it was hers as she had nowhere else to live that was close to her work. I know I could have fought and been an a**hole back but I didn’t want anything to do with the place. She demanded I move all my stuff out straight away, give her my set of keys and be totally removed from her life like everything we had just done was nothing to her. Like everything in our relationship was worthless.

I made sure I did everything legally and didn’t give in to her demands with the house, it was still technically mine as well. But this of course only enraged her more. Once we were talking through the process of sorting out the house when she just started randomly accusing me of yelling at her. I was just speaking normally thinking, what the heck are you on about? Crazy things like this kept happening. It was like this whole other person had come out of her, who really hated and despised me. Constantly looking for any reason to attack and upset me.

When I tried to get some explanation from her and figure out what had happened with our relationship, just wanting to know where the girl who I loved so dearly went? She just said she fell out of the relationship, that it was my uni studies that took up too much time and she felt we were just living as house-mates. I asked why she never said a word until now and why she would buy a house with me if she felt any of this, she couldn’t even answer.

After the break up her family said she was acting like nothing had happened meanwhile I was completely shattered, devastated and crying enough tears to flood the Nile. In a matter of weeks, she already had someone else, clearly this had been going on before our breakup. I know she only left me once she knew he was a sure thing and a new supply for her to source her empty soul with. Any time I tried to contact her I was met with silence or abusive responses. I sent a message to her friends and family saying thank you for always welcoming me and for loving me as one of their own, to which she totally ripped me apart for saying all these lovely things towards them.

We have been NC for about 4 months now, the house got settled and I got everything back with my name off the property. Yes, I have lost an investment but you cannot put a price on freedom right? I have been in relationships before, but I have never experienced the pain from a break up like this. I have seen a psychologist and councilor to help. My friends and family have been unbelievably supportive, but I know they just don’t fully understand the pain. I have been down to depths so deep I honestly have had no idea how to even begin to get up. Lately, I have been doing ok though, learning a lot about all of this but completely dazed by what I have experienced. Some days I feel like I am moving forward and thankful that I have been cut free from her. Although words can’t describe the pain of knowing she is with someone else having discarded me completely and so easily out of her life when not that long ago, I thought I was her everything. I have barely been able to even look at any other girls let alone think of being with one. I do feel for the poor guy who is now with her, he will soon to be another corpse on her trail of destruction. There have been plenty before me, she has never been single since she was 14, now 27 (the signs were there)!

Anyway that is my story, although hard to define everything that happened here. If you guys can give any recommendations or help to keep working through this, it would be incredible.

[C.Stein]

I have been down to depths so deep I honestly have had no idea how to even begin to get up. Lately, I have been doing ok though, learning a lot about all of this but completely dazed by what I have experienced. Some days I feel like I am moving forward and thankful that I have been cut free from her. Although words can’t describe the pain of knowing she is with someone else having discarded me completely and so easily out of her life when not that long ago, I thought I was her everything. I have barely been able to even look at any other girls let alone think of being with one. I do feel for the poor guy who is now with her, he will soon to be another corpse on her trail of destruction. There have been plenty before me, she has never been single since she was 14, now 27 (the signs were there)!

Anyway that is my story, although hard to define everything that happened here. If you guys can give any recommendations or help to keep working through this, it would be incredible.

Welcome to the land of BPD discards.  

Wow dude, I am so sorry you had to go through that.   Your story could almost be mine, without the living together and house.   I have also experienced the same type of feelings as you ... .and mine also appears to have replaced me before she ended things.  

My ex wanted the same things ... .marriage, family, house, etc... .  I didn't allow myself to go down that road with her though because we had problems right from the beginning.  Problems being her emotionally hurting me and keeping me in a constant state of fear and anxiety.  It caused me to hesitate and distance myself from her.  If I had been 15 years younger I could very well be in the same spot as you ... .except I might have been married.

When I read stories like yours I wonder if that is what I was headed for with my ex.  There were more good times than bad with her, but there were many little signs that pointed to the likelihood that living with her might be very similar to what you just experience.

I have had an exceptionally hard time dealing with the fallout of my relationship and the discard.  The biggest and hardest pill to swallow has without a doubt been being replaced before we ended things.  The second hardest how she has discarded me like I never existed and she never had any feelings for me.  

You are not alone my friend.  It will be a difficult road, but you will climb out of that black pit you are in eventually.  You have support here and it has helped keep my emotions from eating me alive at times just coming here and reading stories of other peoples relationships.  

Be strong and believe in yourself.  Keep pushing forward and when you are in a better place you can start taking an objective look at the relationship and where the problems and flags were.  Learn about yourself and take something positive away from this devastating loss.  I know it doesn't seem like it now, but this may be one of the hardest lessons you will ever learn, just make sure you learn it.  

[FannyB]

Hi Trip

Sorry you've had to endure a mindfck of such epic proportions 

Moving forward, my advice to you is 'choose your attitude'. You can either assume the role of victim of her malignant machinations, or you can take a more philosophical approach. You had a wonderful initial period with your ex which many in more conventional relationships will never experience. Then she pulled the plug before marriage and children turned a crisis into a disaster.    Time is a great healer and by reading the stories on these boards you will emerge a better & wiser man.  The postings of 2010 and Conundrum were very beneficial to me on that particular journey.


Fanny

[Bigmd]

Same here man, except we never lived together. We were to get engaged and move in together this year. Tons of red flags I ignored especially silent treatment. She dumped me at the end of the summer out of nowhere. She was a different person. I had no clue what happened until weeks later I found this site. Not sure about a replacement but I don't want to know. Haven't talked in months. I don't foresee that changing.

[guy4caligirl]

Hi and welcome !

We all here share your story ... .

A break up in a regular relationship is devastating !

A break up with an EXBP is like being sucked by a tornado , shattering you to pieces .

Please read and share your feelings ,thoughts, emotion .

I am sure you will find your answers here and not from your ex , BPD's world is so much intense  and impulsive , you're not alone in this , we have been there, and sometimes we are still involved with the "You can't make a blind horse see syndrome"

But you can see the reality for yourself Right

I hope you don't beat yourself up ...

[Trip09]

Thanks for all the kind words of encouragement guys. I really appreciate you taking the time out of your lives to help give some guidance and advice. It helps immensely knowing there are others out there who get what I feel and understand what I’ve been through. Obviously this has been a very hard time in my life. Not only dealing with losing someone you loved so deeply in such a brutal and horrific manner, but also losing your hopes and dreams of the future with them.

Things still get to me from the breakup. How it just came from nowhere, completely out of the blue. How she created so much hatred towards me after all the love id shown and given her. Her made up stories and delusional reasons why she left me. I forgot to mention before, she claimed I said to her I needed a break away from her family while she was dumping me. I absolutely loved her family and had never even thought that let alone said it to her. I fear what she must have told her family what I supposedly said towards them, anything to justify her disorder I suppose. I truly think it was her feelings of wanting to get away from her family being reflected back onto me. Does this sound right? Is this what they do?

I sent her an email not long after the breakup happened describing my unconditional love from her, and although her response wasn’t culling, in it, she just thanked me for the time we spent together. It felt more like she was thanking me for letter her drain my soul completely until she found a new source. She also understood she didn’t communicate the way she needed to in our time together. It’s like she knew everything she had done wrong and was now addressing it. Can they change or are these just words she knows she needs to say?

As hard as it is having her totally discard me out of her life like I never existed, I know it is for the best. Plus, the amount of times I have been told I have dodged a bullet with her has been uncanny. It has become a mantra of sorts! Although logically I know this is true, I still find it incredibly difficult to let her go emotionally and lovingly. However, to think I could have married her, had kids with her and gone on together for years and even decades only end up here. I’m glad it’s happened now and not a moment later. I feel like I have been saved in some sense.

As of now, I can already start to see so many benefits of going through this. I can understand this has enabled and pushed myself to grow from within, emotionally and spiritually to become whole on my own. I am so thankful for the lessons I have learnt and know that when I have fully emerged out of the darkness I’ll be a much better person for the experience.

[Alberto]

It's very typical of BPDs to sabotage relationships when they approach milestones. I don't fully understand why.

[Nextinline]

Welcome Trip

Your story is my story.

Slight difference is that we were a little older and I already owned my own place. Mine wanted the full house/picket fence/family/diamond ring etc etc.

She moved in with me very quickly into our relationship, same as what has happened with you.

Whilst I was happy to consider buying a house with her... .she had NO money... .not one cent to her name but carried around tens of thousands of dollars in debt. So any house was going to be on me to cover the whole purchase and running costs. Sounds an awful lot like your situation.

One thing is definite here and that is that she will come back to you. She will recycle with you and she will want the life back that she had with you.

She will do that as soon as the current supply hits a speed hump!

You need to be ready for that because as sure as night follows day... .it will happen.

There are so many wise heads on this board and their advice is immeasurable. You will never be able to rationalise the behaviour. You will never be able to understand the "light switch" moments where they go from black to white and back again.

The only thing that you can be certain of is that she will attempt a recycle and you will need to be prepared for that. That is where the advice from the experts here will help you to keep moving forward.

Don't try to look for logic where there is none. Just look after yourself, surround yourself with supportive people, talk to people about this experience and read everything you can on this site. It will all help you move forward and not repeat the cycle with her again.

Cheers mate

[Trip09]

This site has been great to find. It has already helped me so much as have all the comments here, again thankful to you guys for all your words. They are helping me greatly and it’s nice to hear from people who speak sense again!

Money wasn’t her strong point. Although she worked hard and did long hours at her job (scary though, as she works with and looks after disabled people) she was always ok with ‘her’ money. However, between myself and the guy she was with before me, she has had to pay out over $60,000 between us in just over 2 years. How insane is that? For me, she ended up using money from her parents to pay me out, guess they figure they’ll get it back with the house investment... Still if I ever did what she did and then asked my parents for money to pay her out, id have been disowned like a normal parents should to their child who behaves that way! hehe

Her coming back is one of my biggest fears. I would like to think I have the strength to walk away. If/When she does come back, what do I do? I’m a naturally caring of people and always look for the good. Do I just ignore her and push her aside like nothing? Or does this make me just as bad as her?

[Kelli Cornett]

I'm truly sorry for you. Sounds like you really tried. I can't imagine getting engaged and left like that :'(

[Trip09]

Thanks blackandblue...  

Thankfully we never actually got engaged. I had a ring ready to ask her and had it planned out to do it a few weeks before she left. There were a few times I nearly did it beforehand though, but something in me, call it gut instinct, spiritual guides, I dunno? But I know something stopped me in those moments and thankfully I never did.

[Nextinline]

This site has been great to find. It has already helped me so much as have all the comments here, again thankful to you guys for all your words. They are helping me greatly and it’s nice to hear from people who speak sense again!

Money wasn’t her strong point. Although she worked hard and did long hours at her job (scary though, as she works with and looks after disabled people) she was always ok with ‘her’ money. However, between myself and the guy she was with before me, she has had to pay out over $60,000 between us in just over 2 years. How insane is that? For me, she ended up using money from her parents to pay me out, guess they figure they’ll get it back with the house investment... Still if I ever did what she did and then asked my parents for money to pay her out, id have been disowned like a normal parents should to their child who behaves that way! hehe

Her coming back is one of my biggest fears. I would like to think I have the strength to walk away. If/When she does come back, what do I do? I’m a naturally caring of people and always look for the good. Do I just ignore her and push her aside like nothing? Or does this make me just as bad as her?

Trip, she will reach out to you and she will contact you. It will be a "feeler"  to see if you respond. When and if you respond will determine what she does next.

I was engaged to mine. She had the very expensive rock on her finger... .whilst she was still having the affair with the other guy in the background. I took the ring back and she was engaged to the other guy within 4 weeks. I have been no contact with her now for 4 months.

2 weeks ago she reaches out to me and as chance would happen, bumps into me at a shop. She was a broken and disillusioned mess. So, in my ex's case, the current supply is not working out that well for her... .and even though she is engaged to him... .well funny thing... .no ring on her finger... ."he can't afford it"!

So mine is working hard on a recycle and I am playing it very cool and distant as I am so happy to see her in pain.

Yours will do the same in terms of coming back to you when things don't work out for her and she will look to you to help ease her pain... .as you have done before!

What you do is up to you, but be warned that this is a repetitive behaviour problem... .meaning that she will do it to you again and she will continue that cycle for ever, until the looks can't get them a new guy to feed their ego.

I don't know when it will happen but you will hear from her again and she will pursue you again. How far it gets is up to you!

Hang in there and ask the team here any questions that you may have as we have all gone through this misery!

Cheers mate.

[Kelli Cornett]

Thanks blackandblue...  

Thankfully we never actually got engaged. I had a ring ready to ask her and had it planned out to do it a few weeks before she left. There were a few times I nearly did it beforehand though, but something in me, call it gut instinct, spiritual guides, I dunno? But I know something stopped me in those moments and thankfully I never did.

Oh sorry! I must of read wrong. Anyway, yes it's a good thing than!

[FannyB]

Hi Trip

Your reaction to any recycle attempt, if it does happen, will be in direct proportion to your level of detachment at that point in time. Even though I knew mine had BPD and there was little hope of a functional relationship I recycled. Why? After coming off heroine I needed methadone as going cold turkey at that juncture was so tough. If the same opportunity arose now I would politely decline! 

Keep reading, keep posting and let time work it's magic for you. Seems like you've already realised that she's not the key to your future happiness - and that's a great start. 


Fanny

[Trip09]

Thank you guys!

As of right now i feel if she ever did come back i would "politely ask her leave"! I know my life is of far greater value without her in it. It is hard remembering all the good times we spent together, the times where she actually seemed human with some form of kindness and love inside her. This is what makes me want her back. But then i remember everything she has put me through and understand in the end that is the person i have escaped and am escaping from should she come back. In the end that is her true self.

I honestly dont feel she will come back. Call it immaturity or naivety, but its been 4 months and i haven't heard squat! Its basically like we never knew each other or what we experienced together wasnt ever real.  I honest feel when things go south with the guy she is with now, she will have already attached to another poor person and started to drain them. i feel she knows to never come back here, well, i can only hope!

[Trip09]

btw Fanny, i truly have a great amount of admiration for you. i am sorry you have had to go through so much, but know you are now an inspiration to help me get through this. thank you for being so open, honest and sharing your thoughts and experiences with me. happy days are on there way.

and thank you again nextinline. Likewise with fanny, thank you sharing your story. Your ex seems like a total nutter if i can say that? Engaged after 4 weeks and then a wreck when you see her next. man, i might be new to this but even i can say to stay away from her toxicity, there is no happiness at the end of the barrel with her!

[FannyB]

But then i remember everything she has put me through and understand in the end that is the person i have escaped and am escaping from should she come back. In the end that is her true self.

Excellent insight Trip. I remember someone writing 'she is the disorder and the disorder is her' about their ex and that really resonated with me. BPD is hardwired into their psyche from an early age and separating it back out is extremely difficult. It's also worth remembering that the fantastic gal in the beginning was also a by-product of BPD and if she was 'cured' that's probably not the person she'd end up being.

Many curse BPD for wrecking their perfect relationship without realising that BPD created that illusion of perfection in the first place. 

Stay strong buddy - you're doing fab.


Fanny

[C.Stein]

I honestly dont feel she will come back. Call it immaturity or naivety, but its been 4 months and i haven't heard squat! Its basically like we never knew each other or what we experienced together wasnt ever real.  I honest feel when things go south with the guy she is with now, she will have already attached to another poor person and started to drain them. i feel she knows to never come back here, well, i can only hope!

I feel the same about my ex.  She is unlikely to come back or even contact for a wide variety of reasons, least of which her guilt and shame for what she did to me.  I also believe she will do the same ... .hook someone new before discarding the current guy.  She will eventually destroy this new guy and when he losses his "shine" she will be looking for a new shiny object to consume.  It really saddens me knowing what the rest of her life has in store for her.  The only way I see her having a lasting relationship is if she finds herself a lapdog.

[Trip09]

It really saddens me knowing what the rest of her life has in store for her.  The only way I see her having a lasting relationship is if she finds herself a lapdog.

I feel ya there... Although I of course have no way to predict the future, clearly as I never thought id end up where I have. I cant help but feel almost sad for her knowing what kind of life she will give herself. Everything around this whole thing is just sad, sad our relationship was fake, sad she is who she is, sad the new guy has no idea what he has walked into.  However, you cannot live other peoples lives, they make their choices as we can make ours.

I guess im just focusing on being grateful for everything I have and knowing today is a new day. Lots of people don't get a chance to start fresh but that is the exact opportunity we all have. This time though, we are blessed with far more life knowledge which can only help lead us to a happier life

[Nextinline]

[/quote]
I cant help but feel almost sad for her knowing what kind of life she will give herself. Everything around this whole thing is just sad, sad our relationship was fake, sad she is who she is, sad the new guy has no idea what he has walked into.  However, you cannot live other peoples lives, they make their choices as we can make ours.[/quote]
Trip, you have just laid it out in black and white... .that there are no winners out of a BPD relationship. It's a lose/lose anyway you look at it and the trail of destruction left behind is unbearably painful for those of us left to pick up the pieces.

And yes, you are correct, that you should never go back as the whole loving relationship was just an illusion and was never real, at least in terms of what a true and healthy relationship should be.

Hang tough over the holiday period mate. This is the time when she may reach out to you and, as Fanny said, your response will be directly proportional to how much you have detached from her.

Cheers

[Calm Waters]

Hi Trip09, I feel your pain however for me its been three years with no contact so I have largely recovered, my story is similar to yours explore my threads if you wish. The break up of my BPD relationship and her subsequent suicide attempt led to a breakdown and breakthrough that proved to be fundamental to moving my life forward and coping with the challenges that followed. I guess the question that you and I and other have to ask is ' what attracted me to this women in the first place?' For me looking back I now realise that my ex BPD GF had very similar traits to my mother who some months later I discovered had been suicidal and depressive in my early life, we tend to look for the familiar in our partners and often this is an unconscious dynamic. I would suggest that you seek to discover what it may be in your past that led you in to this relationship or the danger is that you may find that this repeats on you and that could be devastating - good luck - Calm

[Trip09]

' what attracted me to this women in the first place?' For me looking back I now realise that my ex BPD GF had very similar traits to my mother who some months later I discovered had been suicidal and depressive in my early life, we tend to look for the familiar in our partners and often this is an unconscious dynamic. I would suggest that you seek to discover what it may be in your past that led you in to this relationship or the danger is that you may find that this repeats on you and that could be devastating - good luck - Calm

I have thought about this. For me it was very similar, she did have a lot of traits similar to my mum, which to me showed she was a very loving and caring person. Guess I got that wrong, hehehe! Looking back, this was just her idolising me. Man did she do a good job with that! We also shared a lot of interests, she was a very motivated person, career driven, loved her family (although it was the most dysfunctional family I have ever known, but i still loved em as well). She was very health conscious and fitness orientated, we liked similar music (I used to play in a band and we first met at one of my shows). As music was a large part of my life, this was a massive tick. She was also very physically attractive and had very similar life goals, ie wanted kids (she used to say I need know I am going to have children, god forbid when she does), the house etc. But she basically ticked all my boxes in a partner (minus the BPD, I don't have that on my list)... Again though, a lot of this was properly her reading me and idolising what I wanted in her.

I can now see and recognise the signs were there with her that things weren't right and I feel I will be much more attuned to them now. I never even knew about BPD until this all happened. Talk about a light bulb moment when I did! I don't want to cast a shadow over my future life with relations and doubt the next person I meet, they don't deserve to have any tags given to them until they show themselves. I understand the need for stronger personal boundaries before I fully open myself up though and to be more aware from their actions and less their words. As they say actions speak louder than words and I feel I have witnessed that to the T!

Even though this experience has been hell beyond words, I do feel I am in a place where personally, I have never felt more in touch and wholesome with myself. Which is exactly what we all deserve, our future partners included! I guess we just need to trust ourselves we'll see the BPD traits before we attach ourselves to them.

[hopealways]

It's very typical of BPDs to sabotage relationships when they approach milestones. I don't fully understand why.

It's because the milestone triggers their engulfment.