My mum will be arriving tomorrow and staying over the Christmas period. As so often, I feel unprepared and hopeless. I've learned a lot about BPD over the last 4 years, and I have my meditation practice to help me, but somehow nothing seems to be quite enough.
I see my mum 2 or 3 times a year for a 6-day visit each time, as she lives a long distance away, but I speak to her often on the phone. When she's with me, I feel like someone trying to stand firm in the middle of a powerful, fast-flowing river.
The sheer volume of her talking (she monologues almost constantly) is enough to exhaust me, but depending on how she's feeling it can be full of negativity and hate too. Her aggression is no longer directed at me most of the time, it's usually other people she's being hateful about these days. But it often feels like abuse by proxy.
Then there's her extreme sensitivity, her frequent attempts to control me and her insistence on being treated as though she'd been the world's most wonderful mother!
I genuinely care about her in spite of her awful behaviour and there are even times when we can have a few laughs together. But mostly I'm just trying to remain sane. It's just me and DH over the holidays, with a few friends coming over. We don't have any other close family apart from my mum.
It feels very tough, and although it's less difficult than it was before I knew about BPD, I still find it incredibly hard to handle her visits.
I don't expect anyone here to come up with easy answers!
But just to be with others who have been through something similar is reassuring. If you'd like to share your stories or tell me what you've found helpful in this kind of situation, that would be great.
Sending love and good wishes for the holiday season to all my fellow travellers at BPD Family!
Chayka
