Sister has BPD, 30 years on and again feeling fooled and hurt

[Sis50]

My older/only sister has BPD (finally an explanation/diagnosis that she herself accepts). I am feeling foolish and hurt from believing we were for the first time really connecting and had become closer than we had been in our 30+ years. Regardless of everything I have done, she abandons me for men who treat her like crap. Including the (I believe narcissistic) ex/father of her 3 daughters, a violent, manipulative, abusive, dangerous, drug abusing, untrustworthy, criminal, low-life. Or the other one who is a constant drain and emotionally abusive, keeps constant tabs on her, rings constantly, rings me to find out where she is all the time. I feel like I should have known better, but I was just so happy to have the "normal sister relationship" that I've always wanted with her. We always have rifts after making up. Every couple of years we either fight and stop talking, she turns on me (usually after I call her out on her behaviour when it goes too far), or I consciously step back from her day-to-day drama as it becomes too much and I know it does no good. I really thought this time was different. Now I'm caring full-time for her 11 year old twin daughters while she lives in a refuge, and her ex lives in her car. She collects money for them while I am unemployed and pay for everything. My father is her biggest enabler, while our mother is "the devil", of course. She is continually being supported while I have no help and am left to pick up everyone's ___. I just spent 3 days where I locked my doors and blocked all incoming calls to be alone for a while as the girls were with her. I left my job after being unable to do my job adequately due to depression. I am worried I will end up doing my neices the very harm (emotional abuse, neglect) through my feelings toward my sister and my own mental health issues, that I  have been trying to remove them from.

[Kwamina]

Hi Sis50

Thanks for this introduction. You mention your sister accepts this BPD diagnosis, has she been officially diagnosed with this disorder? Is she perhaps getting (targeted) treatment for her BPD?

Dealing with a BPD family-member can be quite difficult and really take its toll on you. How is your sister's relationship with her two daughters? How does she treat them?

You also mention your parents. In what ways do you feel your father enables your sister?

I am sorry you are also dealing with some struggles of your own. You unfortunately left your job because your depression was affecting you too much. Are you getting therapy/treatment for your depression? Perhaps you will find this thread helpful about dealing with automatic negative thoughts:

Automatic negative thoughts: Talking back to your inner critic/negative voice

Take care and welcome to bpdfamily