"Finally the shades are raised"

[SybilVane]

After more than two years in a relationship with a BPD partner (living in different countries!) I guess it finally came to the end.

I'm engaged in NC for the first time and I am really surprised how it is the first time my life doesn't stop because of him.

It was a bitter end; I tried to be calm and make everything that was possible to don't hurt him. I haven't felt him implicated in the relationship since some weeks, specially after he move to live with a friend and start to take a lot of drugs (cocaine, LSD, MDMA and other new sintetic drugs).

I already knew it was useless try to help him.

And somehow, a 'light' shone in my mind and I finally could perceive him as a looser - despite his attempts to look like a real winner. I really understood how he was a big weight on my shoulders: someone who doesnt evolute, lives as a teenager, and can't see beyond what is imediate - and what is worse, that could be cruel and abusive. I already knew this *rationally*, but now I felt I finally know it with my heart.

I would like to share a Pearl Jam song I guess describes very well the relief of leaving a sad, confused, abusive relationship. I listened to this song many times after block him everywhere as a way to print on my mind it was the right thing to do. The song is called Rearviewmirror and it's available on:  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U6lCVgE6xnM

Lyrics:

I took a drive today

Time to emancipate

I guess it was the beatings... .made me wise

But I'm not about to give thanks, or apologize

I couldn't breathe, holdin' me down

Hand on my face, pushed to the ground

Enmity gauged, united by fear

Forced to endure what I could not forgive... .

I seem to look away

Wounds in the mirror waved

It wasn't my surface... .most defiled

Head at your feet, fool to your crown

Fist on my plate, swallowed it down

Enmity gauged, united by fear

Tried to endure what I could not forgive

Saw things

Saw things

Saw things

Saw things

Clearer

Clearer

Once you, were in my... .

Rearviewmirror... .

I gather speed from you f****ing with me

Once and for all I'm far away

I hardly believe, finally the shades... .are raised... .

[Kwamina]

Hi SybilVane

Thanks for this update. I had been thinking about how things were going with you.

It is sad that things turned out this way. He had already been causing you a lot of emotional pain before and his behavior now seems to have deteriorated even more since he's taking a lot of drugs.

You indeed cannot help someone if that person doesn't want to be helped. If he wants to turn his life around, he needs to make that commitment himself. Unfortunately he doesn't seem willing or able to do that at this point.

To protect yourself and preserve your own well-being, it sometimes might be necessary to distance yourself from the people with BPD in your life, as hard as it may be.

I am glad you decided to post here again as you're dealing with this difficult new development.

Take care and I encourage you to be gentle with yourself and treat yourself with compassion as you go through this transition in your life