One Year "What You All Can Expect"

[Jack2727]

12/22/15 was the worst day of my life.

It's amazing how much has changed since that awful day at Midway Airport in Chicago.

I know a lot of you are going through many different stages of abandonment. I have just passed the one year mark of being abandoned. It's almost been one year since I talked to my ex GF.

Backstory. I met my ex in June 15. She was a teacher who lived in Colo. The relationship as many go with BPD's started off intense. In the space of three weeks we went to practically living together. I was at a pretty low point in my life and had just gotten out of a bad relationship. My ex was beautiful and made me feel good again. So many things led to me to pursuing the long distance relationship. I think now in retrospect I can see that I probably shouldn't have dated anyone. My ex on the outside looked like an all-American sweet girl. She had painted this picture to all of her friends and coworkers as this sweet girl. She even was lauded at her school for her teaching exploits. The truth was that she had many mental issues, with BPD being one of the strong motivating forces. What her coworkers and those not so close to her didn't see was her nagging, her bouts of rage and control. It started out good but as things started to get real that is when all the problems started to occur. She had many failed relationships, including an engagement. She had a messed up family. So many warning signs. But I chose to ignore them. Not to say that I was perfect. I was not. Because of my materialistic ex prior I wasn't completely honest about my financial situation. I didn't disclose to her that I didn't have as much money as I led on to have. Nevertheless, after Thanksgiving I felt her starting to drift away. I was painted black because I made an inappropriate comment about one of her cousins. She had always found fault with me, even though everyone around her kept reminding her how great a guy I was. The end came right before Christmas. With the exception of a few times after she ceased contact with me right after New Years.

Aftermath: The first three months were the most difficult. The Chicago area was blasted by the polar vortex. I had lost my job right before our breakup so I was just trying to survive my taking odd jobs to make ends meet. Those were dark days. I kept no contact till May when I reached out to her and her family. I never received any response but I said my part. Things would continue to improve. I landed a great job in June and started to get my life back together. Because of the six months prior I did have to file bankruptcy but that has given me a new lease on life. I am now on the right financial track.

Epilogue: The seven month relationship was the most intense one I have ever had. I still think about her but the pain comes and goes. The only thing that I have struggled with is keeping my weight at my normal levels. I am still a bit higher than I like to be but I plan on taking care of that in 16. After a year you all will feel good at moments but will also feel sadness. I do think about her. She was someone real important to me. I constantly need to remind myself that she has an illness. I know it was not my fault but because of how perfect it felt at times it is going to be a challenge for me to find someone like that. I think that is one thing I have consciously done is not date. I have not really dated since we broke up. I have not had sex with anyone. I feel that I won't do anything until I can potentially give myself to someone else. I don't want to hurt someone and quite honestly I have been happy with rebuilding my life the right away.

Merry Christmas to you all. You've all helped me during my healing process during the past year. I wish you all peace. Thanks for listening and commenting in advance.