I want to feel whole again + How is a professional gonna help me?

[Musicmaker1]

Hi everyone,

To start, you can read my story here (feel free to reply in that topic as well).

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=287599.0

It has been about 1-2 months now and I'm having a very hard time. Via the lawyers I've now learned she's staying at a safe house for victims of abuse now. The only reason she's there is because she has probably nowhere else to go, there has been no abuse by me at all it's a blatant lie she came up with. The news somehow hit me really hard though. She's in some safe house in another city... .Instead of in my arms. So hard to swallow how things have changed.

Now I'm considering talking to an expert about this, a psychologist. I was just wondering, in what way can he (or she) help me heal? What can he say that will make me feel different or process this better?

Right now I'm feeling so empty. I do fun activities, go to the gym, hang out with friends... .But it's only giving me 1 percent of the joy that it used to give me. I wanna feel whole again. 

[thisworld]

Hi Musicmaker1,

Psychology and different forms of therapies evolving from it are not about psychologists telling us things that change our perspective all of a sudden. It's about personal responsibility. By entering therapy, we admit that there is something that's not working for us and we choose to deal with it on a personal level through psychology. That means taking responsibility for ourselves. The rest is a journey under the guidance of a professional we feel safe with. Sometimes they say nothing and we make our own narrative, sometimes they comment and we have an a ha moment, sometimes what they say sounds absurd and we may question why we are resisting. But it's about us. If you have FOOs etc, it's also a process of re-parenting in a safe environment.   

[hopealways]

I have found it very difficult to find a psychologist who knows much about BPD or its effects on the non.  It's sad but true. Make sure you find someone who knows about this stuff because this forum has been more helpful for me than my T.

[Learning_curve74]

I started working with a professional while still in a relationship with my now exgf. My rationale was this: she has been mentally ill her entire life, so how can I expect to deal with that totally unarmed? She had decades of experience with being "crazy", so what kind of chances do I have as a total amateur to deal with her effectively? Wouldn't it make sense to have professional help?

If I have a serious legal or medical problem, I'm not likely to solve it totally on my own. Hiring a professional can help. The other thing is to remember not every professional will be equally effective in every situation. It may take more than one try to find the therapist or counselor that works best with you. Good luck.