Help

[Ahmed]

I was in a relation for 2 years with her , it was the greatest 2 y in my life , u know how  to me she was very happy , she did everything u could imagine to me supported me over my exams , supported me financially , i had the greatest sex experiance in my life ,,, i knew alot of girls had sex with many   , but she was incredible ,,,suddenly she stopped seeing me told me that i am the one but there is nothing called love although she was 24/7 calling me her lover boy ,, and she told me not to call her again. And she doesnot love me anymore ,, i was astonished ,, couldnot believe it for 3 months she told before she would sacrifice herself for me ? She told me that she feel like a whore. , and she feel emotionally empty ,, she thought that she is abipolar ,, but when i read about BPD that os her she is fulfilling every single criteria .,, the problem now is ... .1 year passed and i think about her everyday ... .Entered alot of relationships but no one reached her level , she knows me by heart she knew what i want ,, how can i feel normal again

[Scopikaz]

Trust me I went through and am

Going through something similar.  I was married 16 years. And met her a year and a half after divorce. I met her two years ago.  She lived two hours away but we used to work together. So we messaged on fb for 3 months. Deep intense sharing.  Nightly almost.  Then we met for first time and it escalated.  Honestly she was married at time. So it started out as affair.  Three months after we crossed the line she filed for divorce. So for a year and a half we dated. Seven months lived together. I made mistakes I know. But she also was great sexually. And intimately as well. Talked about children. Marriage. Etc.  I'm not sure if she has BPD. But she fits many criteria.  Poor childhood.  Feelings of worthlessness.  Two failed marriages. Another really bad relationship in between. Lost custody of her children to first husband. Partying I think back then before I knew her. Feelings of self worthlessness. Mentioned suicide relative to not having children. Said if not for them she would end it.  Only sees children three times a year because they live in another state.  She has extreme jealousy.   Although honestly early on I fed that by texting old girlfriend or female friends.  She is insecure. And very needy. Also drinks more than me but not overly so I don't think.  She left me rather quickly. Don't think there's anyone else though.  But she's living with girl ten years her junior (she's 41 and girl she's living with is 32). They are into singles scenes/bars.  To me such a sad life. Also she's virtually broke with very few belongings in terms of furniture. 

Yet I loved her and still do. It's only been five weeks for me. I keep asking god if he's publishing me, or protecting me, or what lesson he wants me to learn etc. keep praying she will come back.  We've texted some. I initiate it. She usually responds. But I go into relationship talk and she shuts it down.

She's said she doesn't want to lose me as a friend. She said she's lost so much in life and doesn't want to lose more. Although she plays victim well. Nothing that has happened has been her fault.  She's in debt paying off bills too.

Funny how she doesn't want to lose anything yet she walked out on stable life and although I could have been better towards her at times she felt "empty". Here's an idea... .Work on a committed stable relationship.  Don't run.

Wouldn't you think losing your children would be rock bottom or an eye opener. Enough to make you realize maybe you should change. 

Anyhow, I feel for you.  I'm there too. Trying to trust God.  But I fear that anyone I meet won't compare to her.

[joel6242]

Ahmed, I feel your pain. I have gone through hell and back. Something changed 15 days ago and I started fighting for me, not worrying about my BPD. All of my friends and family say that he is terrorizing someone else. I believe that to be true.Please understand that this is advice that I am trying to follow today. First, I need to sleep and eat something. Second, I need to take care of my home. The last thing is that I need to do is forgive myself.

I can not even tell you what kind of person I became in the middle of this hell. I never want that in my life again. I do not want him nor do I want to see the person I had become with him in my life.

My wish is that I could have closure, that will never happen with a BPD partner. He believes his lies and thinks that he is the victim. I realize that I am not a victim and I have things to work on, the BPD ex will never see that.

Love yourself.