I'm now engaged but I need help with a huge missing piece

[Shottsy85]

I haven't written in a while. Things were going better, my, now, fiance is in DBT and he just proposed to me a couple of weeks ago. However, there is still this big conflict where he is still being passive aggressive and blatantly ignoring my best friend who is to be my maid of honor.

There is a history where a year ago he was inappropriate with her (prior to his treatment) and she decided not to move in with us to an apartment. He is STILL spouting nonsense like she used us as a stepping stone to get out here and help with her divorce and then just left. (This was not the case at all, he came on to her, and she was going through a divorce and didn't want to say anything , or to break us up so before talking to us she put a down payment on another apartment. Then she told me. She would have spoken with him too, but their work schedules never worked out before it was time for the big move. We had to find another roommate fast because we had already signed a lease, and he never forgave her for that even though it all worked out.

He refuses to look at what he did to cause her to feel uncomfortable STILL. He says she backstabbed us and left. Her and I worked everything out, and she is even willing to be friends with him, especially now that boundaries have been set and he isn't doing that crap anymore.

He agreed eventually to take baby steps to work things out with her, because it has been feeling like my parent's divorce all over again where I couldn't have them in the same room, he would not acknowledge anything she said in a group. You could FEEL the tension and it was embarrassing. She is my best friend and he is my fiance and I don't want to have to be split between them, and not be able to do group things or exclude anyone.

So he apparently (in his mind) gave her an olive branch and he invited her along with a bunch of our other friends to surprise me for the proposal. He happened to pick the busiest night of the year for this light show, and traffic was terrible. A lot of people wound up turning around and going home and not showing up. My best friend actually parked at a bar, and walked a mile to make sure she was there. (He had her blocked on his phone so she couldn't call him, to let him know what was going on and obviously since this was a surprise couldn't call me.

So now his new reason for her proving she is not trustworthy was because she held the whole group up and almost ruined the surprise because she was so late. (Once we arrived there and I saw a lot of my friends, and my fiance told me it was a make up birthday party (because he royally messed up my birthday). So At first I thought, wow he didn't invite all my friends and not her. Then I found out she was invited so I wanted to wait for her so we could all have fun together. So now he blames her for that, and is using it as another example of how terrible she is, in spite of the fact that she made sure she was there.

I wound up crying in the bathroom at the restaurant tonight for xmas because of how badly he upset me and how ackward dinner was, because he is purposely being so cold to my best friend who I invited. Then in the car he yelled at me, telling me that's as good as it will ever get and I can't force him to be friends with people. I just don't know what to do. I have told him I don't mind if he doesn't want to call her or hang out with her on his own time or whatever, but when I have a group event I want him to be warm and pleasant and not exclude her.

I even share with him some examples and how it brings up everything with how awful my dad is to my mom and how he can't put aside his petty resentments for just a moment so that they can both be there for me. I tried to show him how this is the same, even though he refused to see it. He will then try and hug me and tell me he loves me, but can't see the correlation to what he is doing, and how he is being mean to my friends effects me.

I should be happy and planning my wedding right now, not upset because my fiance is being an ass to my maid of honor. I don't know what to do or say. We are also supposed to be going all three of us on a business trip in a month, and I am so worried...

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.