Miss my BPD ex bf of 3 yrs (Musician BPD & Hoarder)

[missmybpd]

I don't know where to begin. I guess with current situation. I haven't seen him since June 1. I essentially walked away & told him it was bc we were unsuccessful at handling our differences (nightowl, church service, etc), as well as his temper physical rages (not many 2-4 per year). I've been dating a really nice guy since but I miss my ex-bf (BPD). I miss his humbleness, genuiness, intellect, musician skills (acoustic guitar and amazing singer). We have music in common and are pragmatic. Anyways, at the moment he is stonewalling and for the most part has only responded once to an email and once to a text of which each of them are irrational blame storming type of wrath. "You didn't stand by me, why would I trust you. What king of friend would you be". I don't know how to bridge over. My ideal situation is we would see each other casually (2-4 times per month). I guess I'm just sharing my current situation and leaving out lots of background info. Thanks for listening.

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[unicorn2014]

Hi missmyBPD and welcome to BPD family.   I too have a musician BPD  and that is definitely one of his qualities that I really value. I'm sorry that you're struggling right now. It sounds like you might benefit from doing some reading about communication techniques that might help with a person with BPD. Have you ever heard of validation?

[livednlearned]

Hi missmyBPD,

Break-ups are really hard, and it can take a long time to repair and recover. It sounds like he is a talented guy with a lot of good qualities.

Do you think his irrational blame-storming messages, as difficult as it may be to read them, are signs how hurt he is that the relationship ended? People with BPD have extreme rejection sensitivity, and his fear of abandonment came true. Or, if he knows that there is someone else, he may be feeling emotional about that as well? I found it helpful to separate out the content of what was being said from the feelings driving those comments.

Could it be too soon for him to feel that he can be friends? (especially if you're dating). There are psychological and emotional stages of breaking up, and it sounds like you are feeling much more stable about the split than he is.

Transitioning from romantic partners to friends can be a difficult process whether there is BPD or not.

What are the chances that the two of you will cross paths, given your musical interests?

[missmybpd]

Thank you all for your support and feecback. I especially need to remember the validation part and try to ignore content to understand the feelings underneath that is driving it.

[AsGoodAsItGets]

It could be a blessing his stonewalling and limited contact.   A open channel could ruin things with the new guy.