Did she or the court initiate the flip to you being the primary parent? On what basis?
A court appointed guardian recommended me as primary. The next day she went 180 degrees from being dark and cold to happy friendly.
Frankly, I am not completely sure what I'm seeing.
It could be an act to make her look good because the wording in the recommendation made it clear that her past behavior looked real bad. In that case she's still painting me black and is documenting every interaction and is in evidence gathering mode.
She could be painting me white in my new role.
She could be painting me white with a reunification narrative.
At what stage of the divorce are you?
She fought getting the temporary orders changed, but failed. I became primary on the temporary orders with more time. After that she settled. It's all done and finalized months ago.
Frankly, she could flip again on almost any pretext or trigger. [/quote]
I see mini-flips now and then. Any time we don't agree. I see the fire in her eyes. I feel the fear and anxiety that built up in an environment of hostility and uncertainty for a year. It feels like we're both having an emotional flashback.
Or these are momentary failures of a superficial façade.
However, do not ever relinquish being Primary parent. You're so very fortunate to be Primary, don't Gift it away! Your child needs you more than you think!
I went through the whole thing without understanding any of the Cluster B concepts.
When I saw the lengths she was willing to go to in order to control and limit my time with my daughter, I knew I had to have primary.
Fortunately, I had at least made the connection that her present behavior had to do with abuse in her childhood. So, I knew as long as she was in this mode she would find something wrong or bad with anything and everything I did. So, even if I won more time and less control now, she would eventually come back for more control and less time.
I looked at it with this this way. If I'm not at the rudder of this ship, if instead I'm just on deck trying to hang on for dear life, each time we end up back in court, I'm going to have to somehow try to find a way to re-explain a very difficult to explain and understand situation.
That would be a loosing battle. She is very intelligent and would refine her approach each time. The only way to secure any kind of future was to get primary so that I don't have to start from square one. Being made primary for the specific reasons I was, gives those reasons immediate credibility. When she accuses me of whatever, I can just say, "Yes, I know, this is expected. That's why they made me primary."
It took me nearly six years to get custody and another two to get majority time, I was obstructed that much. Many here would give all their teeth, not just eye teeth, to obtain the shortcut you currently have. Not that I'd like to be toothless, but you get my point.
I understand. I have been reading a lot of stories and I don't see many like mine.
